限时argument206，考前求拍

xhl1988UID: 2668002

TOPIC: ARGUMENT206 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville Daily Newspaper.

"Throughout the country last year, as more and more children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, over 80,000 of these young players suffered injuries. When interviewed for a recent study, youth-league softball players in several major cities also reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games. Furthermore, education experts say that long practice sessions for these sports take away time that could be used for academic activities. Since the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages, we in Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine."
WORDS: 384

TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-8-1 13:58:06

In this argument, the author concludes that Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine. To support his conclusion, the author points out that over 80,000 of young players suffered injuries throughout the country last year. And he also cites that youth-league softball players reported pressure form coaches and parents in several big cities and these sports take away time for academic activities. However, the argument suffers a few flaws.

To begin with, the author falsely assumes that children under nine in Parkville suffer injuries just like those throughout the country.
First, the child in Parkville may have different interests in sports, such as basketball. Second, the author fails to provide the number of children who is under nine and suffered injuries throughout the country last year. Perhaps only a few children under nine suffered from injuries. Third, the author fails to prove that the children get injuries because of taking sports rather than other possibilities. All these scenarios, if true, will undermine the author's conclusion.

In addition, the author unjustifiably claims that children in Parkvill receive pressure from coaches and parents. The study is interviewed in several big cities, we are not informed whether Parkville is a big city. Even assuming that it is a big city, the author still cannot apply the study to Parkville. There are maybe differences between Parkville and other cities. Perhaps Parkville has stricter regulations to coaches, or perhaps the competition in Parkville is not so serious.

Furthermore, it is unwarranted to claim that these sports take away time from academic activities. First, we are not informed how many hours are used for sports and academic activities. Perhaps sports time is far less than the time for academic activities. Second, sports may help to do academic activities better. Without ruling out these possibilities, it is unwise to discontinue organized competition.

Last but not least, the author suggests too hastily to discontinue all the competition. Even if some competition is dangerous, some others may be good for children. Common sense tells me that children need to take sports. The disadvantage of discontinue may outweigh the advantage.

To sum up, the author fails to substantiate the conclusion that Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine. The author need further information and reliable study to make the conclusion convincing.

练了几篇限时，还是写成样子，各位还有什么提高的建议吗？

xhl1988UID: 2668002

没人提点建议吗

zhenxueliUID: 2631531

可以适当增加例子，把6段减为5段，尽量减少模版的痕迹，记住，critical thinking比语言更重要

xhl1988UID: 2668002

谢谢，我再看看文章结构。不过你觉得这样模板的痕迹还是很深吗？ 3# zhenxueli