本人第一篇issue 大家帮助改改啊

yaopeng3778UID: 2606544

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
  Do how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society?People may find it hard to consensus due to their different experiences and conflicting values.As far as I am concerned,the speaker's claim that the destiny of society  depends on how children are socialized seems to be partial.And I intend to stand on the speaker's next assertation that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.There really exists some serious problems in our education system that hamper the process of building a better society.
  No one can deny the fact that socialization is an indispensable factor for children who are responsible for constructing a better society.Nevertheless,several values such as honesty,persistence,probity,kindness,diligence,and so on are in the same grade or even more important than socialization to children for the reason that these values form one's traditional morality and only by having the traditional morality can children go through the proceeding of being socialized. In other words,these values are the basis of a well-educated person.Consider certain prominent figures who have contribute profoundly to a better society.Mother Teresa ,winner of the Nobel Peace Price,dedicated the majority of her life to helping the poorest of the poor in india because of her kindness,persistence and diligence,thus gaining her the name "Saint of the Gutters".The missionaries of Charity which was founded by her for the purpose of serving the poor have grown from 12 sisters in india to over 3000 sisters in 517 missions throughout 100 countries woldwide now.
  Consider next the assertation that we have no solutions to the question that how we can educate children who are the creators of a better society.Unfortunately,today's schools have placed too much emphasis on memerizing dead facts than cultivating creativity.This pattern of education has greatly influenced children's physical and mental fitness.Children invovled in this pattern is akin to training young animals in the cage of a zoo.Consider the scene that a young tiger has to be in the cage each day doing the practice which trainers has designed for it for the purpose of pleasing the spectators in the performance such as jumping through firing wooden-circles and standing on two legs repeatedly .It will not have something to eat unless making the training wonderfully.Similarity,children must face with much curriculum in which a great deal of dead facts which were founded or proved by former scientists are waiting for them to memerize .It appears to be that they have to do so if they desire a rational grade in the final examnation.The studying burden takes up too much children's time for playing on the playground,thinking creatively and watching TV news to understand the world.As a consequence,children's immune systems serve to be so weak that they fall sick easily,and it is this pattern of education,makeing children become persons who haven't got abilities,courage or desiration to consider creatively.
  To make matters worse,whatever competition children take part in,they are encouraged to win the competition rather than to coorperate with others for the same goal.As a matter of fact,our society turns out to be very competitive.For instance,even a small job's interview has several candidates,and it'll be more and more universial to reemerged this scene as time goes.Thus,almost every parent and school pushes a sense of winning every competition into children'mind.As a result,children become egoist.Last summer, I visited to a primary school as a part-time reporter of a magzine to make a research about egoism by asking roughly 50 children whether they intended to accomplish teachers'assignments collabortively with others.42 children gave me the answer "no" for the simple reason that teachers could probably eulogize their patners but ignore their efforts if they did that.Certainly,we know the thought has embeded in children's mind deeply,but there is no escaping the fact that only one is impossible to bring us a better society.
  In summary,while some people remain doubtful about my argument, what I have analyzed above so far ought to make them see the complexities of the issue under discussion.There appears to be more and more people will come to realize that the key determinant of a better society is not socialization but rather some other factors such as honesty,probity,persistence,and some detections indeed lie in our education system.