TOEFL暑期集结号作文 第8次作业 by thatll

thatllUID: 2538832

题目：Agree or disagree, technology cause children show less creative than they were in past.
提纲：同意。
1，
孩子都能得到满足，没有创造动力。
2，
父母没有时间以身作则表现创造力，所以孩子学父母。
With the rapid development of technology, many social problems are always attributed to it, including children’s diminishing creativity. Do modern children show less creative than their historical counterparts because of the advanced technology? This is a question that’s apparently of interest to a lot of people. I strongly agree with it.

First, I want to admit that technology is neutral and any social problem cannot totally be owed to the development of technology. It is the human beings’ nature that leads to all problems; while technology is just the external causes. So I will establish my argument on the base of the idea that technology elicits people to carry out such conduct.

As we all know, the historical children always made the toys themselves because at that time there were no such attractive toys as ones children have nowadays. In general, children in past always thought out many interesting activities or worked out lots of nice plaything; while the current counterparts have no such situation for them to show their creativity because what they want to play with can always be obtained from their parents by craving. However, the reason why the parents have the ability to satisfy their children is just the increasing technology. Hence, if the children can always be satisfied, they will have no motivity to show creativity. Besides, the children now have no time to do what they are really interested in because they have to learn so much asked by their parents who are bearing the burden brought by the development of technology and do no want their children to lag behind others. While children’s creativity can always be expressed in the activity they are interested in. In short, the situation created by the advanced technology for the children has not also created the stage for showing their creativity.

Furthermore, as a result of the development of the technology, the children’s parents are always busy with their jobs and have no time to look after their children well. But creativity resides within the children and need to be exploited especially by their parents through modeling it themselves in everyday life. Therefore the two aspects can not be connected well, which leads to the failure of cultivating the children’s creativity. In the past, parents always worked out many handicrafts, which droved their children to imitate them and then fostered the children’s creativity. Under such comparison, it is not difficult to conclude that it is the technology indirectly leads to the unwanted situation that the current children show less creative that the counterparts in past.

In conclusion, the increasing technology has accelerated the tempo of the current life and raised the life level, hence creating a not favorable situation for fostering the children’s creativity.

DriftKingUID: 2664045

大哥回来了，去哪玩了？
With the rapid development of technology, many social problems are always attributed to it, including children’s diminishing creativity. Do modern children show less creative than their historical counterparts 这个词太好了because of the advanced technology? This is a question that’s apparently of interest to a lot of people（感觉这个of不太通，要不去掉？或者改成attract...）. I strongly agree with it.表明观点，同意题目。。。果然有想法，不走寻常路。叛逆的孩子。。。 S/ R- l0 d

First, I want to admit that technology is neutral and any social problem cannot totally be owed to the development of technology. It is the human beings’ nature that leads to all problems; while technology is just the external causes. So I will establish my argument on the base of the idea that technology elicits people to carry out such conduct.科技中立的，不应该作为一些社会现象发生的原因，这是“我”以下想法的基础。囧，那（that）大哥想法真有深度。不过个人不赞同，哈哈。不过这种结构安排真的挺新鲜，而且很严谨，受教了。

As we all know, the historical children always made the toys themselves because at that time there were no such attractive toys（no后边是不是跟单数?我也忘了） as ones children have nowadays. In general, children in past always thought out many interesting activities or worked out lots of nice plaything; while the current counterparts have no（感觉应该比较级，no太绝对，科技还在发展） such situation for them to show their creativity because what they want to play with can always be obtained from their parents by craving（要我就删掉）. However, the reason why the parents have the ability to satisfy their children is just the increasing technology. Hence, if the children can always be satisfied, they will have no motivity to show creativity. Besides, the children now have no time to do what they are really interested in because they have to learn so much asked（较中式，感觉换成force比较好？） by their parents who are bearing the burden brought by the development of technology（此句感觉跟主题没什么练习啊） and do no（not？） want their children to lag behind others. While children’s creativity can（感觉否定吧？） always be expressed in the activity they are interested in. In short, the situation created by the advanced technology for the children has not also created the stage for showing their creativity.很棒的观点，论证也很严谨

|) ^
Furthermore, as a result of the development of the technology, the children’s parents are always busy with their jobs and have no time to look after their children well. But creativity resides within the children and need to be exploited especially by their parents through modeling it themselves in everyday life. Therefore the two aspects can not be connected well, which leads to the failure of cultivating the children’s creativity. In the past, parents always worked out many handicrafts, which droved their children to imitate them and then fostered the children’s creativity感觉这个事动手能力，不是创造力，不过思维跳跃下也是可行的. Under such comparison, it is not difficult to conclude that it is the technology indirectly（建议去掉，因为不是直接原因，是影响了父母，才影响了孩子，着你在前边已经说了） leads to the unwanted situation that the current children show less creative that the counterparts in past.

J9 q4 m0 v0 c0 U
In conclusion, the increasing technology has accelerated the tempo of the current life and raised the life level, hence creating a not favorable situation for fostering the children’s creativity.

我是来学习的
大哥还是这么牛，难道你是去深山修炼去了？
观点新颖，结构严密，简直就是一头牛！
大哥有时间了帮我看看我的吧？

thatllUID: 2538832

2# DriftKing

谢谢修改，我现在再看我自己的文章，感觉句子很生涩不地道，表意欠明朗，论证太牵强，缺乏例子，尽是泛泛，得该得该！

DriftKingUID: 2664045

3# thatll

咕~~(╯﹏╰)b，大哥果然治学严谨，实乃我等之楷模啊

文赋UID: 2611067

题目：Agree ordisagree, technology cause children show less creative than they were in past
提纲：同意。
1,孩子都能得到满足，没有创造动力。
2,父母没有时间以身作则表现创造力，所以孩子学父母。
With the rapid development of technology,many social problems are always attributed to it, including children’sdiminishing creativity. Do modern children show less creative than theirhistorical counterparts because of the advanced technology do? This is a question that’s（缩写）apparently of interest to many people（用单句就行了）. I strongly agreewith it.

First, I want to admit that technology isneutral and any social problem cannot totally be owed to the development oftechnology. It is the human beings’ nature that leads to all problems; whiletechnology is just the external causes. Therefore, I will establish my argument on thebase of the idea that technology elicits people to carry out such conduct.

As we all know, the historical childrenalways made the toys themselves because at that time there were no suchattractive toys as ones children have nowadays. In general, children in pastalways thought out many interesting activities or worked out lots of niceplaything; while the current counterparts have no such situation for them toshow their creativity because what they want to play with can always beobtained from their parents by craving. //However, the reason why the parents have the ability to satisfy their childrenis just the increasing technology. Hence, if the children can always besatisfied, they will have no motivity to show creativity. // Besides, the children now have no time to do what they arereally interested in because they have to learn so much asked by their parentswho are bearing the burden brought by the development of technology and do nowant their children to lag behind others. While children’s creativity canalways be expressed in the activity they are interested in. In short, the situation created by the advanced technologyfor the children has not also created the stage for showing their creativity. (主题句放在最后？很危险的做法，Gre的Issue可以这样做，托福强烈不建议。而且，这句不是分论点吧?这个是怎么看起来像中心论点。)
虽然这一段写的很长，貌似展开的很好。其实这里面是有问题的，这一段是三个论点糅合在一块的（已经用双斜线分开），而每一部分内容都没有充分展开。换句话说，这三个内容，随便抽出来两个做主体段的分论点都可以的。

Furthermore, as a result of the developmentof the technology, the children’s parents are always busy with their jobs andhave no time to look after their children well.（这句如果是主体句，来分析一下它的逻辑结构：技术进步-->父母很忙-->没有时间管孩子（黑体字是此句本来的逻辑结构）-->孩子创造力受影响（红字是缺乏的逻辑关系）；但是，这句话即使补充完整逻辑关系，显然从技术到创造力中间过渡了两次，逻辑关系已经非常弱了。如果想论证好这个关系，可不容易。）But creativity resides within the childrenand need to be exploited especially by their parents through modeling itthemselves in everyday life.（这句话点出了上句缺乏的逻辑关系，那么其实可以把它调整到前面，然后再说父母没有时间管孩子，为什么没时间呢？一步一步的展开，更加自然） Therefore the two aspects can not be connected well（这两方面不能connect?到底是有联系还是没有练习，崩溃了）, which leads to the failure of cultivating the children’screativity. In the past, parents always worked out many handicrafts, whichdroved their children to imitate them and then fostered the children’screativity. Under such comparison（只说了过去，没说对应的现在，怎么compare?）, it is not difficult to concludethat it is the technology indirectly leads to the unwanted situation that thecurrent children show less creative that the counterparts in past.

In conclusion, the increasing technologyhas accelerated the tempo of the current life and raised the life level, hencecreating a not favorable situation for fostering the children’s creativity.