ISSUE130 大家看看~

nuaaskyUID: 2615912

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Words：562
Time：无限时，写完以后不满意许多地方重写了一下



After a noise of a cherubic infant comes a series sounds of laughter. Oh, a baby has come to this world, how excited its family is! But this baby may become a problem to his parents during its growing up. Its parents find that their lovely baby dislike to play with others, or chat with, even refuse other children inviting him/her to a game. This behavior of not tending to socialized is really worried many parents, for the reason that their children may have difficulties in communicating with others when they reach an age to be mature, an age that he must to contact with others to maintain a normal life. What was worse is that we parents are not well trained to overcome that haunted difficulty. Simply we don't get much knowledge about how to raise children. We work everyday, and are engaged in a house-office-house life. Everyday seems so busy to us and remains tremendous tasks to achieve. So what can we do to our poor children?

Nevertheless, the complexity of this issue is more than above. Since every child will become one of our societies, how they socialized may determine the destiny of society. This is obvious true. With the developing of the science and technology, our society tend to be a more and more sophisticated system, communications between people become more and more frequent. The key to the success of our society is more and more determined by team work. Everyone needs to cooperate with others, no exception for our kids. And this is the fundamental reason we worried about our kids mentioned in the first paragraph. However, in my point of view, we don’t need to concern that we don’t get trained to raise our kids, our concern is actually overestimated.

First of all, our kids are not born to be reluctant to communicate with others. From a view of psychology, people can be divided to extraversion and introversion. People who are introversive communicate with others less than those who are extroversive. But this can not lead to escape from others at all. Only extreme introversion need to ask for psychological tutor. And some jobs such as some research jobs are more suitable for people who are more introversive. And it is sound to form a team consist of members of diverse characteristics. So our society doesn’t reject them. Therefore, it is not necessary to concern our kids’ job in the future.

Secondly, our kids can learn how to behave themselves properly quickly after they start to contact with others. Have a look at our parents, our grandparents or even further. Neither of them gets a special training of children raising skills. But we behave just like others. No differences, right? When we take jobs, contacting with people around us become common, we seems to learn how to get along with others by ourselves, not rely on our parents. We become like or dislike something, and our experiences form our habits towards different things. This is true to everyone, no matter he/she is introversive or extroversive.

So what is needed to concern about our children? They themselves can avoid being too far away from the crowd. What we need to do is just to provide them proper conditions to help them, and to encourage them when they meet with their setbacks, but not to receive special training.

DivineUID: 2650173

After a noise of a cherubic infant comes a series sounds of laughter. Oh, a baby has come to this world, how excited its family is! (这一句很生动，但为了引出主题写这些似乎不是最佳选择)But this baby may become a problem to his parents during its growing up. Its parents find that their lovely baby dislike to play with others, or chat with, even refuse other children inviting him/her to a game. This behavior of not tending to socialized（socialize?） is really worried (?)many parents, for the reason that their children may have difficulties in communicating with others when they reach an age to be mature, an age that he must to contact with others to maintain a normal life. What was worse is that we parents are not well trained to overcome that haunted difficulty. Simply we don't get much knowledge about how to raise children. We work everyday, and are engaged in a house-office-house life. Everyday seems so busy to us and remains tremendous tasks to achieve. So what can we do to our poor children?(首段没有论点？)

Nevertheless, the complexity of this issue is more than above. Since every child will become one of our societies, how they socialized may determine the destiny of society. This is obvious（+ly） true. With the developing of the science and technology, our society tend to be a more and more sophisticated system, communications between people become more and more frequent. The key to the success of our society is more and more determined by team work.（more and more用了三次，可以考虑变化下用词和句式） Everyone needs to cooperate with others, no exception for our kids. And this is the fundamental reason we worried about our kids mentioned in the first paragraph. However, in my point of view, we don’t need to concern that we don’t get trained to raise our kids, our concern is actually overestimated.

First of all, our kids are not born to be reluctant to communicate with others. From a view of psychology, people can be divided to extraversion and introversion. People who are introversive（introvert） communicate with others less than those who are extroversive. But this can not lead to escape from others at all. Only extreme introversion need to ask for psychological tutor. And some jobs such as some research jobs are more suitable for people who are more introversive. And it is sound to form a team （which）consist(+s?) of members of diverse characteristics. So our society doesn’t reject them. Therefore, it is not necessary to concern our kids’ job(+s?) in the future.

Secondly, our kids can learn how to behave themselves properly quickly after they start to contact with others. Have a look at our parents, our grandparents or even further. Neither of them gets a special training of children raising skills. But we behave just like others. No differences, right? When we take jobs, contacting with people around us become common, we seems to learn how to get along with others by ourselves, not rely(+ing?) on our parents. We become like or dislike something(不是系表结构吧), and our experiences form our habits towards different things. This is true to everyone, no matter he/she is introversive or extroversive.

So what is needed to concern about our children? They themselves can avoid being too far away from the crowd. What we need to do is just to provide them proper conditions to help them, and to encourage them when they meet with their setbacks, but not to receive special training.


文章整体不太流畅 存在一些语法和词汇问题，另外句式稍显单一
第二段nevertheless表转折，但之后意思和第一段没有显著区别，都是说问题存在
作者的主要论点是小孩自己可以融入社会，但这个论点对题目的理解有点浅。首先是socialization的含义
它应该不只包括找工作的能力和与人交流的能力，还包括遵循伦理道德，法律的意识，以及社会责任感。如果
不这么理解，就无法解释第一句 socialization determines the destiny
这样看的话作者忽略了很多青少年成长中的问题 比如犯罪，或者无政府主义
即使是按照狭义去理解socialization 作者依然没有有力论证这个问题不重要
本文的两个观点是
1 人分成外向内向 这个不影响工作 但现在的社会中内向逐渐演化成了逃避现实，就是很严重的问题
比如沉迷网游，或是游荡街头
2 过去的人没有这个问题，现在也没有，这完全没有考虑到现今情况的复杂性 而且在历史上不止一次出现过
这个问题，比如美国垮掉的一代 与父母和社会的不作为都是分不开的。
总之作者可能需要重新考虑下这个题目，另外写好之后先在word里改下错~


有空也请回拍https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773040542
或https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773037485
谢谢！

DivineUID: 2650173

补充 from baidu
　　社会化
　　socialization
　　个人凭借其生理特点(主要是神经系统尤其是脑)在社会实践中通过学习获得符合特定社会要求的知识、技能、习惯、价值观、态度、理想和行为模式，成为具有独特人格的社会成员并履行其社会职责的过程。

nuaaskyUID: 2615912

2# Divine 你说的是有理的，今天早上看作文大讲堂的时候发现我确实对这个社会化概念没有深究。所以主要是从与人交流和找工作角度说的，是想到什么就说什么。确实没有说得很全面，没有insightful，但是我觉得要面面俱到很难。主要是我没想到那么多的。关于语法等等能让word改的已经让word改了，我保证在我word里是没有红线和绿线的，但莫名其妙复制过来就出问题了？不晓得~以后会多多注意了~多谢，我以后多去扩充一下知识了~辛苦了~