ly8768的作文大贴~~8.11

zhangjingyi29UID: 2449770

8.11.Agree or disagree with the following statement: it is more important to award students for effort (trying or hard working) than for achievement (good grades).
Admittedly, it is more fair to judge a student by the effort than just glancing at one’s score. However, the conception of hard working is really complicated to explain and it leads to a dilemma to give the students awarding. As a result, I prefer to use the achievements made by the students to measure them for the simple reason that they are more scientific than other ways.
To begin with, achievement is certainly the result of students’ effort and without trying we cannot get our goal in the end. It is known to all that the relationship between the hard working and success is something like course and its result. Thus taking use of the outcome to measure the students is reasonable to some extent.
What’s more, we cannot deny the possibilities that there is someone injecting great energy into the study but still getting a grade not good enough. In this situation, the imperfect marks can be seen as a stage of the whole course. Besides, if the students never give up, I am sure that they will achieve a lot not only for their improvements in their grades, but also the byproduct produced in the valuable courses. This point of view can totally be testified by the great scientists in the history, such as Edison. So if the students can give the success less attention than the course, then they can enjoy the award by themselves everyday.
At last, the achievement as a symbol of hard working should be the standard of awarding because it is the clearest way for the judgment to measure the students’ effort. No matter when and where the students can get the achievements in the field, the course of their effort will always award them for the attitude in their studies—though maybe not as apparent as the result.
All in all, I disagree with the idea of judging students by their effort rather than their score. Though it seems shallow for some reasons, it would be reasonable through the thorough analysis.
童鞋们，有点早。。。哈哈，帮我改改！！！:loveliness:

gy0510150556UID: 2546647

Admittedly, it is more fair to judge a student by the effort than just glancing at(glance at 轻描淡写了) one’s score. However, the conception of hard working is really complicated to explain and it leads to a dilemma（好强的用词，赫赫） to give the students awarding. As a result, I prefer to use the achievements made by the students to measure them for the simple reason that they are more scientific than other ways.（other ways?其实只用和effort比）

/ n3 T2 }- {. l. N
To begin with, achievement is certainly the result of students’ effort and without trying we cannot get our goal in the end. It is known to all that the relationship between the hard working and success is something like course and its result. Thus taking use of the outcome to measure the students is reasonable to some extent.

What’s more, we cannot deny the possibilities that there is someone injecting great energy into the study but still getting a grade not good enough. In this situation, the imperfect marks can be seen as a stage of the whole course（可以后面再展开一下，例如举例）. Besides, if the students never give up, I am sure that they will achieve a lot not only for their improvements in their grades, but also the byproduct produced in the valuable courses. This point of view can totally be testified by the great scientists in the history, such as Edison. So if the students can give the success less attention than the course, then they can enjoy the award by themselves everyday.（？比起成功，给course更大的关注，这一段好像都在强调course很重要，那不是不hard working很重要啊，削弱了good grades的重要性 ）

' |1 L8 \9 K+ e
At last, the achievement as a symbol of hard working should be the standard of awarding because it is the clearest way for the judgment to measure the students’ effort. No matter when and where the students can get the achievements in the field, the course of their effort will always award them for the attitude in their studies—though maybe not as apparent as the result.(这句话读的不是太懂，是award students by effort,还是effort award students by attitudes,这个咱们再讨论)

All in all, I disagree with the idea of judging students by their effort rather than their score. Though it seems shallow for rdsome reasons, it would be reasonable through the thorough analysis.结尾写的太淡薄，最后一句话不要，结尾要总结上文，不能只一句话结束
赫赫，能看出楼主的基本功，是不是先考的G
in a word，每个段落第一句话最好是主题句，段落最后最好要总结一下，段落中间不要只说理，要有例子
这样文章脉络才清。
ps 楼主可以重新修改一下，发上来，我再帮你看看

zhangjingyi29UID: 2449770

2# gy0510150556
好哒~~*批评得很好~~我改完了发上来。。。咱再讨论~~呵呵！！很高兴认识你@@

lsr91UID: 2540702

1# zhangjingyi29

Admittedly(个人觉得这个词用的不错
没见过
可以告诉我是哪里看到的吗?), it is more fair(fair的比较级直接加er) to judge a student by the effort than just glancing at one’s score. However, the conception of hard working is really complicated to explain and it leads to a dilemma to give the students awarding(应该是award吧
词性不对). As a result, I prefer to use the achievements made by the students to measure them for the simple reason that they are more scientific than other ways.

To begin with, achievement is certainly the result of students’ effort and without trying we cannot get our goal(达到目标用make it 更经典吧 goal一般用achieve或者realize搭配) in the end. It is known to all that the relationship between the hard working and success is something like course and its result. Thus taking use of the outcome to measure the students is reasonable to some extent.

What’s more, we cannot deny the possibilities that there is someone injecting great energy into the study but still getting a grade not good enough. In this situation, the imperfect marks can be seen as a stage of the whole course. Besides, if the students(这里最好跟上面的someone对称
人称有些模糊) never give up, I am sure that they will achieve a lot not only for their improvements in their grades, but also the byproduct produced in the valuable courses. This point of view can totally be testified by the great scientists in the history, such as Edison. So if the students can give the success less attention than the course, then they can enjoy the award by themselves every day.


At last, the achievement as a symbol of hard working should be the standard of awarding because it is the clearest way for the judgment to measure the students’ effort. No matter when and where the students can get the achievements in the field, the course of their effort will always award them for the attitude in their studies—though maybe not as apparent as the result.


All in all, I disagree with the idea of judging students by their effort rather than their score. Though it seems shallow for some reasons, it would be reasonable through the thorough analysis.

总体不错
我也实力有限
一起加油！

zhangjingyi29UID: 2449770

4# lsr91
谢谢童鞋点评，我改完了再让你们看哈~~:loveliness:

zhangjingyi29UID: 2449770

Admittedly, it is fairer to judge a student by the effort than just looking one’s score. However, the conception of hard working is really complicated to explain and it leads to a dilemma to give the students award. As a result, I prefer to use the achievements made by the students to measure them for the simple reason that they are more scientific than other ways.（other ways?其实只用和effort比帮我想想有什么好的表达在这，因为我不想说measuring by effort…我想用个代词、、、）"
.
begin with, achievement is certainly the result of students’ effort and without trying we cannot make it in the end. It is known to all that the relationship between the hard working and success is something like course and its result. Thus taking use of the outcome to measure the students is reasonable to some extent.

What’s more, we cannot deny the possibilities that there is someone injecting great energy into the study but still getting a grade not good enough. In this situation, the imperfect marks can be seen as a stage of the whole course（可以后面再展开一下，例如举例）,which can be totally handled in our daily studying. For example, I got a bad mark in my test when I tried my best to learn it, but I don’t blame myself and just keep going, and finally I got the top. Besides, if the students never give up, I am sure that they will achieve a lot not only for their improvements in their grades, but also the byproduct produced in the valuable courses. This point of view can totally be testified by the great scientists in the history, such as Edison. So if the students can give the success less attention than the course, then they can enjoy the award by themselves everyday. Furthermore, because of the unclear conception of the hard working, we can get the award after our prominent appearance, which can definitely make sure our great effort.
（？比起成功，给course更大的关注，这一段好像都在强调course很重要，那不是不hard working很重要啊，削弱了good grades的重要性
其实我想说的是那些努力的人们不要太纠结于奖励而应该把目光放得更长选一些，因为现在所做的effort就是给自己最好的奖励而且我们到最后一定会成功）觉得这段改下来以后太长了。。。
Atlast, the achievement as a symbol of hard working should be the standard of award because it is the clearest way for the judgment to measure the students’ effort. No matter when and where the students can get the achievements in the field, the course of their effort will always award them inasmuch the attitude in their studies—though maybe not as apparent as the result.(这句话读的不是太懂，是award students by effort,还是effort award students by attitudes,这个咱们再讨论)
  All in all, I disagree with the idea of judging students by their effort rather than their score. In most of our live, the mark shows that our great effort in our study. Moreover, we can get whatever we want through our persistence even if we have a bad performance in some time. So if we can treat our score properly, then we will achieve our goal at last. 结尾写的太淡薄，最后一句话不要，结尾要总结上文，不能只一句话结束
结合两位同学的说法，改过版。。。

gy0510150556UID: 2546647

6# zhangjingyi29
赫赫，你写的好升华啊，其实不错啦，知道你想表达什么，赫赫，但老美只看浮于眼前的东西，下回直白些，赫赫

zhangjingyi29UID: 2449770

7# gy0510150556
好哒~~！！谢谢评价吼