813,作业

cxy7646UID：2595335

Is it more important to work for more hours than to stay with family? Although our modern industry system encourages people to focus more attention on their career in order to boost the production and innovation, this concept failed to take into consideration the importance of family to one's motivation, happiness and physiological health.

On the one hand, a common motivation for our workforce is the responsibility to guarantee financial support for their family. So being with family will strengthen one's awareness of this responsibility which generates inner power for his/her performance in workplace. On the contrary, when one working too much time in the workplace, the extra financial benefits cannot cure the emotional scar of his/her family and the family may become a burden, not motivation.

On the other hand, as a member of family, everyone has the obligation to always think about the behalf of family in the first place. That means working extra time at the cost of one's duty to take care of kids, be with family members and deal with family issues is ethically unacceptable. As one professor in my school once told us: "When it comes to the scientific research I am a capable group leader. But for my son I am not a good father." His unfortunate experience remind us that the needs of family cannot be ignored. Otherwise, everyone in the family will suffered from this ignorance.  

What's more, with out a warm family, one's life would be incomplete. Family fulfills our basic emotional needs and provides us with hope in the future. So the concept that we should spend more time in workplace than being with family is misleading. In conclusion, it is the family, not the workplace, which helps us gain strength for challenge and reveal one's sense of responsibility. So one must realize the significance to protect the balance between family and workplace.

wondersmiths2UID：2609756

Is it more important to work for more hours than to stay with family?(这个问题有点别扭，是工作更长时间还是与家人在一起) Although our modern industry system encourages people to focus more attention on (focus on / pay more attention to)their careers in order to boost the production and innovation, this concept failed(?这里为什么用过去式？) to take into consideration(take into account that) the importance of family to one's (individual's) motivation, happiness and physiological health. (这里读起来有点长)

On the one hand, a common motivation for our workforce is the responsibility to guarantee financial support for their family. So being with family will strengthen one's awareness of this responsibility which generates inner power for his/her performance in workplace. On the contrary,(On the other hand前面用了应该用这个比较好吧) when one person working( works ) too much time in the workplace, the extra financial benefits cannot cure the emotional scar of his/her family and the family may become a burden, not motivation. (好像有点理由不足哟，最好再扩展一下，具体一下。)9 U, \, N/ R, n

On the other hand(原来在这里呀), as a member of family, everyone always has the obligation to think about the behalf of family in the first place. That means working extra time at the cost of one's duties to take care of kids, be with family members and deal with family issues (主语太长了哟，不如改为)is ethically unacceptable. (It is ethically unacceptable that working extra time at the cost of one's duties to take care of kids, be with family members and deal with family issues .)As one professor in my school once told us: "When it comes to the scientific research, I am a capable group leader. But for my son, I am not a good father." His unfortunate experience reminds us that the needs of family cannot be ignored. Otherwise, everyone in the family will suffered(suffer) from this ignorance.  

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What's more, without a warm family, one's life would be incomplete. Family fulfills our basic emotional needs and provides us with hope in the future. So the concept(view) that we should spend more time in workplace than being with family is misleading. In conclusion, it is the family, not the workplace, which helps us gain strength for challenge and reveal one's sense of responsibility. So one(people) must realize the significance to ( of) protect (striking) the balance between family and workplace(work 家庭与工作地方有点别扭哟).

LZ的小错误要注意哟，用词也要提高，one用得比较多，最好要多换词。有些动词也用得中文化。加油哈！嘿嘿，如有错请指正。

cxy7646UID：2595335

多谢：）
有些问题困扰我很久了

lsr91UID：2540702

1# cxy7646

Is it more important to work for more hours than to stay with family? Although our modern industry system encourages people to focus(pay) more attention on their career in order to boost the production and innovation, this concept failed to take into consideration the importance of family to one's motivation, happiness and physiological health. (意思懂了 但是看着别扭)



N
On the(the去掉) one hand, a common motivation for our workforce is the responsibility to guarantee financial support for their family. So being with family will strengthen one's awareness of this responsibility which generates inner power for his/her performance in workplace. On the contrary, when one working too much time in the workplace, the extra financial benefits cannot cure the emotional scar of his/her family and the family may become a burden, not motivation. (意见同楼上)

FOn the other hand, as a member of (their own) family, everyone has the obligation to always think about the behalf of family in the first place. That means working extra time at the cost of one's duty to take care of kids, be with family members and deal with family issues is ethically unacceptable. As one professor in my school once told us: "When it comes to the scientific research I am a capable group leader. But for my son I am not a good father." His unfortunate experience reminds us that the needs of family cannot be ignored. Otherwise, everyone in the family will suffered from this ignorance.  

What's more, without a warm family, one's life would be incomplete. Family fulfills our basic emotional needs and provides us with hope in the future. So the concept that we should spend more time in workplace than being with family is misleading. In conclusion, it is the family, not the workplace, which helps us gain strength for challenge and reveal one's sense of responsibility. So one must realize the significance to protect the balance between family and workplace.

水平有限 共勉共勉！也谢谢你改的作文 我会好好改错的！

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谢谢