你提的意见真的很好,我的水平的确比较菜,还老用长句,sigh~~:L
而且现在发现很寒的一件事是,我发的那篇是原始的没有修改的文章,真的好晕啊~~
anyway,我会按照你提的几点再作修改的,谢谢你啦~~ Originally posted by Gladysry at 2005-7-28 21:01
在上一楼啊。:(
再贴一次。
argument 18 道路安全和限速
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=307490&fpage=1&highlight=%2Bgladysry
argume ...
我来负责你的117吧！
顺便提一下，我新交了作业，i 37 https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=307827&extra=page%3D1%26filter%3Dtype%26typeid%3D101 Issue 221 看了一下，有一点建议
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=307702&pid=1664283&page=1#pid1664283
Originally posted by 翦瞳 at 2005-7-28 20:01
issue221
可能复制的页面有问题，搞错了
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=307702&fpage=1&highlight=
issue51（修改了放在楼下了）
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread ... Originally posted by 11yvette at 2005-7-28 21:06
Gladysry,谢谢你那么仔细帮我改文章
你提的意见真的很好,我的水平的确比较菜,还老用长句,sigh~~:L
而且现在发现很寒的一件事是,我发的那篇是原始的没有修改的文章,真的好晕啊~~
anyway,我会按照你提的几点再 ...
:lol:lol其实，我看到你的那个回复的时候，真的很想撞墙地说~（恩，具体可参照我充满怨念的回复:lol）
我要是有时间，明天再帮你看看吧。不过好像你的思路还是没怎么变，那么关于结构上的一些补充但愿你用得上哈。:handshake
第一篇被批的遍体鳞伤,,希望大家给点意见,费力的改了一些
提纲：1。技术是引发了很多问题，要解决需要人们的理解，宽容和自我反省而不是抱怨科学
2。但是技术实现了人们的许多梦想
3。技术也改善了人们的生活
It is true that technology causes many problems that threaten our lives, but it also creates many miracle that largely improves our daily life.
Admittedly, when people use technology in a wrong way it does damage our lives. One example is traffic jam which we may meet everyday. Advanced techniques give us faster cars, however when people produce more and more, the speed of our cars are limited when these cars meet each other.Another example is that mobile phones deprive our private time. Although mobile phones give us the possibilities to communicate with each other at any time, yet assume that when a person is watching his (or her) favorite movie there comes a call that tells he (or she) that an important meeting is waiting for he(or she),so maybe the mobile phone inventers should make their inventions power off at a fixed time everyday. There are still more problems such as war and pollution which result from people using technology for their own interest. To solve these problems people need tolerance, comprehension and self-respect but not complaining of technology.
However, technology makes many dreams belonged to our ancestors come into reality. Hundreds years ago scientists controverted whether the sun goes around the earth or the earth goes around the sun, yet now people can run on the moon if they want; thousands years ago our ancestors longed for rain when they met droughts which might destroy their crops yet now people can create a rain at proper time and at a proper place. (Nearly in every field as medical, industry, traffic and communication human make the impossible things regarded by their ancestors possible.这一句是我加的，用以阐述本段主题)Thus, technology gives people the power that takes many things which were seem as mysterious by our ancestors in control.
Furthermore ,technology largely improves quantity of life. Hundreds years ago it takes Marco Polo seventeen years to go from west to east through the Silk Road, yet now people can go round the earth in a few hours; hundreds years ago people used beacon to transform information yet now no matter how far between two persons, they can speak to each other the moment they pick up their telephone. Still, technology gives people coolness in hot summer; gives people summer fruits in cold winter; gives people machines which have tremendous strength; gives people precise instruments which can plant into human bodies .Hardly anyone would like to go back to the period even 50 years ago when technology was backward. Look around, hardly any thing which is helpful to our dally life today have no relevance with technology. Thus, technology makes our lives more comfortable.
To sum up, technology does give people some problems because of people’s evil methods, but people gain much more benefits than harms through technology. If people cast technology away no one would know what a terrible world we might meet. Gladysry~~
你的arg117我改好了,你看看
我觉得你写得真的很好,比我当时写得强多啦~~:) 错了,希望大家把意见写到下面的链接里,理解万岁!!
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=307873 Originally posted by Gladysry at 2005-7-28 21:25
我要是有时间，明天再帮你看看吧。
Gladysry~~,谢谢你啦~~要不等我综合你的意见以后改完后再发上来,到时候,你有空再帮我改吧
我觉得特别对不起你啊~~花了那么大的心血,那么仔细帮我修改,真的很感动,谢谢了 Originally posted by dinddind2003 at 2005-7-28 21:47
It is true that technology causes many problems that threaten our lives, but it also creates many miracle that largely improves our daily life.
开头加强一点，如果我没有记错，基本就是原句改成侬的观点，侬强调后者，这个句子是it is true that, 后面用however较好些，不是also
Admittedly, when people use technology in a wrong way it does damage our lives. One example is traffic jam which we may meet everyday. Advanced techniques give us faster cars, however when people produce more and more, the speed of our cars are limited when these cars meet each other.Another example is that mobile phones deprive our private time. Although mobile phones give us the possibilities to communicate with each other at any time, yet assume that when a person is watching his (or her) favorite movie there comes a call that tells he (or she) that an important meeting is waiting for he(or she),so maybe the mobile phone inventers should make their inventions power off at a fixed time everyday. There are still more problems such as war and pollution which result from people using technology for their own interest. To solve these problems people need tolerance, comprehension and self-respect but not complaining of technology.
手机的例子不能说服我damage我的生活
However, technology makes many dreams belonged to our ancestors come into reality. Hundreds years ago scientists controverted whether the sun goes around the earth or the earth goes around the sun, yet now people can run on the moon if they want; thousands years ago our ancestors longed for rain when they met droughts which might destroy their crops yet now people can create a rain at proper time and at a proper place. (Nearly in every field as medical, industry, traffic and communication human make the impossible things regarded by their ancestors possible.这一句是我加的，用以阐述本段主题)Thus, technology gives people the power that takes many things which were seem as mysterious by our ancestors in control.
Furthermore ,technology largely improves quantity of life. Hundreds years ago it takes Marco Polo seventeen years to go from west to east through the Silk Road, yet now people can go round the earth in a few hours; hundreds years ago people used beacon to transform information yet now no matter how far between two persons, they can speak to each other the moment they pick up their telephone. Still, technology gives people coolness in hot summer; gives people summer fruits in cold winter; gives people machines which have tremendous strength; gives people precise instruments which can plant into human bodies .Hardly anyone would like to go back to the period even 50 years ago when technology was backward. Look around, hardly any thing which is helpful to our dally life today have no relevance with technology. Thus, technology makes our lives more comfortable.
这两段借鉴了不少教科书的写法，可以了
To sum up, technology does give people some problems because of people’s evil methods, but people gain much more benefits than harms through technology. If people cast technology away no one would know what a terrible world we might meet.
继续加油，这是七月份今天第一次到作文版看作文，不知道侬的功底，个人认为，仍需加强训练。 这组的讨论气氛非常好，我看了，很受鼓舞，其它组是不是应该也自己自觉组织下，每组有个带头人，时间不多咯 Originally posted by 11yvette at 2005-7-28 21:48
Gladysry~~
你的arg117我改好了,你看看
我觉得你写得真的很好,比我当时写得强多啦~~:)
:$多谢夸奖！可是……:L偶没有限时~~
ps,11yvette你真素个好人，我改一篇你回两篇~~ 赫赫，赚到了:lol
我们继续加油吧！:victory:
[ Last edited by Gladysry on 2005-7-28 at 22:17 ] Originally posted by 11yvette at 2005-7-28 21:52
Gladysry~~,谢谢你啦~~要不等我综合你的意见以后改完后再发上来,到时候,你有空再帮我改吧
我觉得特别对不起你啊~~花了那么大的心血,那么仔细帮我修改,真的很感动,谢谢了
嗯嗯？这样说我会不好意思滴~:$
那你改完后跟我报个信儿^-^, 偶就不自己找了~:lol
谢谢你的负责,我想我们的组员都是很认真的,但是有一点你统计错了,我昨天改了一篇交了一篇,今天什么都没做呢,半夜我会及时交上,我说过我会尽力的.
由于v6的组员现在比较多，因此在在统计的过程中可能会出现疏忽，漏记。这一点请大家谅解并及时提醒。今天统计时是根据早上8点到晚上6点这段时间内各组员的参与情况来订的。
其实，这样做的目的无非只有一个，大家互相监督，共同打赢这场杀G战！并无它意。
其实我也在考虑这样做是否可行。
只要大家都有热情，毅力去完成这项艰巨的任务，这些形式上的东西完全可以不要的！:O Originally posted by 翦瞳 at 2005-7-28 20:01
issue221
可能复制的页面有问题，搞错了
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=307702&fpage=1&highlight=
issue51（修改了放在楼下了）
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread ...
我来看看你的argu117。应该不算晚。今晚看了一下argu范文，总觉得句式不够老到！ 谢谢版主,我会针对你的批示作出修改的