寄托天下 寄托天下
查看: 1644|回复: 1
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[求助] 求Romanus改作文 [复制链接]

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
41
寄托币
1181
注册时间
2012-6-20
精华
1
帖子
293
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2012-7-21 04:05:36 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The best way for parents to teach their children about responsibility is to have them care for animals.

As everyone knows, animals are an essential ingredient of our living environment. They supply raw materials to feed human. Their fur can help us against chilly winter. Besides, pets, which are members of some people’s family, provide warmth and happy time to them. To the old who doesn’t live with children, animals are favourite companions and to the disabled, some animals even can serve as assistants. And now, there is a prevailing thought that to children, taking care for animals is the best way for them to learn responsibility. Admittedly, cleaning living place for pets or protecting young animal against harm can arouse children’s sense of obligation. However, I would like to disagree with this opinion and claim that caring for animals is a good method but is far from being the best one.

First of all, a lot of animals, especially wide animals, are dangerous. Some people always form an unrealistic picture of living with brutal animals. They sometimes imagine big animals, like tiger and puma, as sort of little children without danger. But the fact is totally on the opposite side. An increasing number of news report about that pets attack their possessors. Therefore, children would better be prohibited close these kind of animals. Besides, to other kind of animals like cats and dogs, it depends on children’s health. Many kids are ill because of the flea and dust carried by domestic animals. Clearly, learning responsibility from caring animals doesn’t work in a vast majority of occasions.

On another hand, even to children who wouldn’t get disease from pets, they may be creepy out when facing these unfamiliar creatures. My experience is a good example. From I have memory, I feel scary if I have to stand with pet no matter how tame it looks like. As a result, to the people like me, it is a huge challenge to live with animals, not mention to care for them. In addition, caring animals costs a large sum of money and time. These creatures may disturb the peaceful life of neighbour due to their bark. To sum, kids can learn from pets, but it does not means that it is the best way to study responsibility.

In my point of view, caring the old like grandpa is the best way to awaken kids’ awareness of obligation. They can understand the different phase of our life and the inevitable misery when they grow up. It is worth to mention that there is a growing phenomenon that many elementary schools start to offer practical courses about teaching children the metrics to care for their grandpa and parents in daily life. So these students can find their own strengths to protect and help others although they are young.

To sum up, narrowing our focus on benefits brought by a small portion of animals is not a wise way to evaluate the value of caring for animals. This conductive factor pale in comparison to the potential risks. So I reassert it with regret, that to children, caring for animals is certainly not the best way to learn how to shoulder the responsibility.
回应
0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
762
寄托币
12296
注册时间
2008-10-30
精华
4
帖子
907

美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

沙发
发表于 2012-7-26 06:24:09 |只看该作者
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The best way for parents to teach their children about responsibility is to have them care for animals.

As everyone knows, animals are an essential ingredient of our living environment. They supply raw materials to feed human. Their fur can help us against the chilly winter. Besides, pets, which are members of some people’s families, provide warmth and happy times to them. To the old person ('the old' means all old people collectively, and would thus tends to be treated as plural.) who doesn’t live with children, animals are favourite companions, and to the disabled, some animals even can serve as assistants. (This is all very good but not relevant to the question at all – the question does not ask you to discuss how or whether animals are useful to people. Unless you can place some kind of reasoning right here as to why this information is relevant to the issue at hand, such an irrelevant discussion is not going to help your essay much.) And now, there is a prevailing thought that to children, taking care of animals is the best way for them to learn responsibility. Admittedly, cleaning living places for pets or protecting young animals against harm can arouse children’s sense of obligation. However, I would like to disagree with this opinion and claim that caring for animals is a good method but is far from being the best one.

First of all, a lot of animals, especially wide animals, are dangerous. Some people always form an unrealistic picture of living with brutal animals. They sometimes imagine big animals, like the tiger and the puma, as sort of little children without danger. But the fact is totally on the opposite side. An increasing number of news report about that pets attack their possessors. (Yeah but how often would you see people who keep tigers or pumas as pets..?) Therefore, children would better be prohibited close (I'm not understanding this phrase. One can be prohibited 'to do' something..) these kinds of animals. Besides, for other kinds of animals like cats and dogs, it depends on children’s health. Many kids are ill because of the flea and dust carried by domestic animals. (In many countries, both pets and kids are to be properly vaccinated before they'll live together.) Clearly, learning responsibility from caring animals doesn’t work in a vast majority of occasions. (It's not clear what exactly doesn't work here. The animals being dangerous or dirty has nothing to do whether you can learn about responsibility from caring for them – in fact, I could well argue that this would teach children a lot about responsibility because they have to be very careful when caring for animals and make sure they themselves know the risks involved. Now, as far as I see this, it doesn't work not because caring for animals doesn't teach responsibility – but because it's pragmatically difficult due to the extra safety considerations involved. Do think carefully about what exactly causes 'learning responsibility from caring animals' to not work.)

On another hand, even to children who wouldn’t get disease from pets, they may be creeped out when facing these unfamiliar creatures. My experience is a good example. From I have memory (I think you mean 'for as long as I could remember'. Do not try to translate 从我有记忆开始..), I feel scared if I have to stand with a pet no matter how tame it look]s like. As a result, to the people like me, it is a huge challenge to live with animals, not to mention to care for them. In addition, caring animals costs a large sum of money and time.(This is exactly the kind of opportunity to learn about taking responsibility of things – proper management of time and resources..) These creatures may disturb the peaceful life of neighbour due to their barking (In fact only dogs bark..). To sum, kids can learn from pets, but it does not means that it is the best way to study responsibility. (Your logic is still very loose – in the sense that you've said many things about how caring for animals/an animal itself is not good. But this doesn't automatically become 'caring for animals is not the best way to learn about responsibility', because as you've seen, it really depends on how you interpret these facts. Just think about this: smoking is definitely bad in general, but does that mean smoking must not be better than other things – if you are comparing with drug abuse or genocide or nuclear bombs? This question is about comparative goodness, not absolute values, therefore you need to show how you derive 'caring for animals is not the best way to learn about responsibility' from the bad things you describe – most conveniently, by comparing these bad things to the advantages and disadvantages of other ways to learn about responsibility.)

In my point of view, caring for the old like grandparents is the best way to awaken kids’ awareness of obligation. They can understand the different phases of our life and the inevitable misery when they grow up. It is worth to mention that there is a growing phenomenon that many elementary schools start to offer practical courses about teaching children the metrics to care for their grandparents and parents in daily life. So these students can find their own strengths to protect and help others although they are young. (Again, as said, I don't quite see how this must be better than caring for animals – because there's really no comparison per se in your essay. I could well argue that a child can observe life's phases and the inevitable miseries of aging and death equally well, from caring an animal through its life cycle..)

To sum up, narrowing our focus on benefits brought by a small portion of animals is not a wise way to evaluate the value of caring for animals. (But the again you didn't really comprehensively review the values of caring for animals either..) This conductive factor pale in comparison to the potential risks. So I reassert it with regret, that to children, caring for animals is certainly not the best way to learn how to shoulder the responsibility
.

总结:

又是典型的比较题写成了好坏题。。问题问是不是best但是你只有最后总结段里有一句比较,中间的都只是在罗列各种选项的好坏,而且最重要的是没有任何直接的正面的对比,比如倒数第二段里,说了神马神马好处,但是我可以说,照顾动物也可以做到你说的这些好处,那你既然没有直接对比,怎么就必须得出照顾动物不如照顾老人的结论呢。。所说这种写法的问题就是读者没有办法从你的中间段得出任何能和题目有关的结论,导致最后的结论非常勉强。如果可以的话,请考虑在每一个分论点都作出比较的论述。


使用道具 举报

RE: 求Romanus改作文 [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
求Romanus改作文
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1401898-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部