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[求助] 恳请Romanus老师修改作文 [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-7-27 10:49:08 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
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Some people think that a university professor should focus time on doing research; while others think that the main role of a professor is to educate students in a university. What is your opinion and why? Use specific reasons to support your answer.


Perhaps no issue, in this day and age, contains more contradictions than the problem that what role should a professor play in a campus. Should he/she become a person who passes down the invaluable from generation to generation? Or, should he/she become a pioneer who was expected to explore the boundary of science for the whole human being? Despite various responses people may have on this topic. I, considering China’s current situation, maintain that the education obligation of a professor needs more attention.

For a start, it is undoubtedly that universities, especially key universities play a significant role in scientific research. The achievements which professors attained in campus do made our world a better place. However, we must admit that scientific research is a task so complex that it should not, and never will be, done by a single person or even a generation. Hence, people should pass the torch of science from generation to generation. That is why I argue that education of young students is with vital significance.

More specifically speaking, if we take the true situation of Chinese campus into consideration, we may conclude that education needs to be addressed greatly. After the reform and opening up policy was applied in 1978, many commercial elements flooded into campuses. Once a professor become famous, he/she should probably be involved in so many commercial activities such as lectures, TV programs and so on. Consequently, he/she may never come back to the stage again. Regrettably, my alma mater is an illustrative example of this phenomenon: Many classmates of mine came to this university with the admiration of the prominent professors. However, to our disappointment, some of those celebrated professors were too busy to show their face in a class room. Hence, for the deficiency of professional advice from those sophisticated teachers, we have to cope with some difficulties all by ourselves. What’s worse, many students’ horizons were limited due to the lack of guidance.

In my eyes, every judgment should be done based on specific situation. In a nutshell, we may conclude that scientific research is as significant as students’ education. But if we focus on this problem in china, we may figure out that education undeniably needs more attention. Only with extraordinary education, can youngsters inherit the thoughts and virtues of their predecessors and do well in future competition.


才开始练习写托福作文,一定有很多需要提高的地方,请Romanus大神不吝赐教,拜谢!
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沙发
发表于 2012-8-2 10:25:47 |只看该作者
Some people think that a university professor should focus time on doing research; while others think that the main role of a professor is to educate students in a university. What is your opinion and why? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Perhaps no issue, in this day and age, contains more contradictions than the problem that what role should a professor play in a campus. Should he/she become a person who passes down the invaluable from generation to generation? Or, should he/she become a pioneer who was expected to explore the boundary of science for the whole human race? Despite various responses people may have on this topic. I, considering China’s current situation, maintain that the education obligation of a professor needs more attention.

For a start, it is undoubtedly that universities, especially key universities (I don't think any other country, as far as I'm aware of, has the concept of 'key' universities as in 重点大学..so if you want to mention them, I'd suggest you add 'in China'.) play a significant role in scientific research. The achievements which professors attained in campus do make our world a better place. However, we must admit that scientific research is a task so complex that it should not, and never will be, done by a single person or even a generation. Hence, people should pass the torch of science from generation to generation. That is why I argue that education of young students is of vital significance. (Good point.)

More specifically speaking, if we take the true situation of Chinese campuses into consideration, we may conclude that education needs to be addressed greatly (This actually means the needs should be address 'in a great manner'..what you actually meant would be '..that education urgently needs to be addressed'.). After the reform and opening up policy was applied in 1978, many commercial elements flooded into campuses. Once a professor become famous, he/she should (Why 'should'?) probably be involved in so many commercial activities such as lectures (I thought normal lectures form a part of daily teaching activities in a university. Why would they be 'commercial'? Oh, unless you mean 'public lectures'..but even these can serve a very good educational purpose if done properly.), TV programs and so on. Consequently, he/she may never come back to the stage (Why would a professor be on a 'stage', to start with?) again. Regrettably, my alma mater is an illustrative example of this phenomenon: Many classmates of mine came to this university with the admiration of the prominent professors. However, to our disappointment, some of those celebrated professors were too busy to show their faces in a class room. Hence, for the deficiency of professional advice from those sophisticated teachers, we have to cope with some difficulties all by ourselves. What’s worse, many students’ horizons were limited due to the lack of guidance.

In my eyes, every judgment should be done based on the specific situation. In a nutshell, we may conclude that scientific research is as significant as students’ education. But if we focus on this problem in china, we may figure out that education undeniably needs more attention. Only with extraordinary education, can youngsters inherit the thoughts and virtues of their predecessors and do well in future competition.

总结:

论述非常好,虽说语言风格就我个人来说是有些过于中文官方新闻般的一本正经感但是没有很大的问题。。:P


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板凳
发表于 2012-8-2 10:51:08 |只看该作者
mpromanus 发表于 2012-8-2 10:25
Some people think that a university professor should focus time on doing research; while others thin ...

谢谢Romanus老师!文章里确实还有许多自己没注意到的问题需要改正!PS:您说的语言有点像官方声明会看上去不太自然吗,看来我得好好总结一下之前的文章了...:funk:

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地板
发表于 2012-8-3 09:19:07 |只看该作者
mgz009 发表于 2012-8-2 10:51
谢谢Romanus老师!文章里确实还有许多自己没注意到的问题需要改正!PS:您说的语言有点像官方声明会看上去 ...

倒不是不自然啦,就是我个人喜欢随意一点的写作风格所以对比较官方的写法不太习惯而已~但是这种风格本身并没有神马问题的,所以不必担心呀~~

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