[每日一评] Issue17 By 紫陌纤尘o0 --Issue清晰表达自己的观点

tracywlzUID：2522388

本期的每日一评来自紫陌纤尘o0的一篇issue,原文在此
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1057615&page=1#pid1773586965

TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."

Laws as the principles and regulations established in a community by some authority and applicable to its people, built up under the power of government, inevitably have the division of just and unjust. Undoubtedly, each individual has a responsibility to obey just laws, whereas when faced with unjust laws we should analysis them in a deliberate mind before any actions be taken rather than disobey and resist without further though。
第一段给人的感觉是与下文没什么关系，特别是对于3，4，5段。这里建议把下文的重点总结以下并说明。

Just laws, which guarantee the normal function of the society, are accepted by the majority of people as justices. On the other hand(前面需要有on the one hand作对应), unjust laws are those always make convenience to few individuals or communities on the fundamental of profits and politics power. To be clear that, the laws for the good of the minority or the majority amount of people could be where the rub is.
这个观点，just laws 和unjust的laws的区别是受益的范围比较好，但是，注意前一个的accepted 并不能很好的与后一个的make convenience to power很好的对应，建议作者换一些词来表示。同时，其中可以增加一些自己的例子。


Whether to disobey and resist unjust laws should be judged by their extent of damage to society's stabilization. （从这句看，与上一段缺乏联系，作者可以加一个递进或者并列的过渡句）Whatever may be said（有点中国式）, most people would agree that: in a superior society, just laws are the main force in regulating the daily lives, and unjust laws should have little influence on the society.（这里和第一段写的有些重复了） If this basic principle goes against, then the problems would arise. If we cast a look back at history, we could find that each significant change of period is the process of breaking down the old laws and coming out the relevant advanced laws, from the primitive communes to the salary, and then to the feudalism, the capitalism and also the change of dynasties, none of them is out of the boundary of this principle. During these progresses, wars and battles are the most prevalent ways to resistant unjust laws; they are a kind of promotion force to the development of the civilization of human beings.

When comes to the individuals, （这里又提到了个人，我认为前面最好对比突出整体。）when an individual or a group of them unsatisfied with some laws, they may regard them as unjust laws. In this case, a wisdom choice is to evaluate whether the unjust laws hurt their benefits or not.（这里我觉得unsatisfied 与benefits是近似的关系，所以如果再分为hurt benefits or not,有点不妥当。 ） If so, they have the right to put forward our opinion, although may not receive an agreement; if not, they should better turn aside and find other efficient ways to attain our targets. The protection of local citizen, for instance, is the discipline to give the local people privilege in some areas.

For example, in some cities or countries especially those have high quality of universities and colleges, the local citizen could have the priority of attending local college, and they are required lower admission qualifications and lower tutor fees than the strangers. It’s not fair to everyone who wants to get high quality education. In this case, of course, the strangers have the responsibility to complain to the authority or maybe local media, however in consideration of the local profits, the government seldom would make any change in this condition. Thus, the feasible method they could do is to work harder and harder in order to achieve their goal.
作为论述的一段通常不会专门挑一个例子出来些，前面应该加些自己的论据什么的。

To make it clear, laws, as its basic character, in the forms of legislations or political recognized and enforced by judicial decisions have the subjective factor, and then come out injustices.（有点没看懂，主干应该是laws have the subjective factor and then come out injustices.这里最好进一步说明subjective factor 和injustices的联系。） If the unjust laws are regulated in a reasonable circumstance, it would be adaptable; otherwise it may harm citizens’ benefits, what’s worse, leads to the downfall of a society.

这篇给我的感觉就是，作者的功底不错，但是思维跳跃性太大，段与段直接缺乏连接，有些句子之间也难以发现明显的关系。作者对自己要表达的论点是什么还是很清楚的，但是如何用一个个分论点去支撑，并且清晰的表达这里好像有点问题。
这里我想说一句话，一篇成功的Issue要使读者很容易发现文章和每段的中心，而且看了文章的中心就知道本文要写哪些方面了；看了本段的中心就知道本段写的是哪个论点了。

StefanaUID：2143510

杀花赞。

firhadayUID：2287086

额~这个时候也能抢到第一页~

紫陌纤尘o0UID：2745492

嘿嘿，前排欣赏偶的文章~