期待着毫不留情的砖头issue30

krrbUID: 205977

共用时间：45分19秒     513 words
从2005年3月30日20时34分到2005年3月30日21时45分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
With the development of the world, one is more and more like a cog on a machine. While new technology and information storm into our life which do enhance our efficiency, I can hardly confess that they give me more leisure time. From my point of view, technological advancement is certain to increase people's efficiency, but it make us much busier rather than leave us more leisure time.
  Technological advancement does have increased people's efficiency dramatically. Think about the transport. Years ago it would take one tremendous time to go from one place to another on foot or by carriage, a journey seem quite easy for us now by car. The invention of airplane really bring a revolution of efficiency. It may take one to his destination rapidly and comfortable, which extremely promotes the efficiency of one's work. The other example is the experiments in the Lab. Whether the technology one Lab adopt advanced or not, to some degree, determines the success of it. Because with the advanced equipment, work will be done promptly and accurately, rather than arduously. So technological advancement does increase people's efficiency a lot.
  However, rather than leave everyone more leisure time, technological advancement brings us more work to do keeping us more busier than before. First of all, the increase of efficiency does not equal the less work in our daily life. Time is saved while more can be done. In the given time, no one will wait till tomorrow just because he or she has finished a certain part of one work. Instead, one will go on being bent on it, wishing to get the work over earlier. Then what will happen when this whole one has been done? Another consequent one will come out and continuous work begin. So I believe that the efficiency will not bring less work but more at a certain time. Secondly, more and more advanced technology means more and more information for us to learn. When one would love to adopt a new technology, he or she is obliged to read the instruction or even join a training class to learn how to use it. For the most of the time, the learning and training will both occupy the spare time, the even less spare time. As a result, more work can be done in short time in the cost of the occupation of people's leisure time. So an increased efficiency do not represent a increased leisure time.
  Well, we can not deny the good aspect of the technological advancement just because it cost our leisure time, which is quite good for the development of the world, the same goal as we human beings do. So though, it makes us busier and more tired than we do ever before, we cannot restrict the feeling to pursue it, which enables the world to develop on and on. Maybe the only way to make one feel good in front of so much advanced work is to take the work that one like. To do a favorite work will not make one be aware of the tedious.

davidjackyUID: 135962

你们两个互改一下
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=269478

sophywUID: 203712

应苏明明(男)的建议,咱俩互改吧,看了他的名字,一直以为是个女的 :(

我觉得这篇文章从结构上讲, 结尾和让步放在一段里,感觉有点没有结尾的感觉,我觉得是不是应该分开,而且让步只是一说,没有论证,这样没有论证,只是一说,是不是感觉还不如不说, 应该我觉得gre作文的论证深度很重要

另外,在第一个分论点,举了两个例子,觉得实验室的那个例子论证有点太浅,可以适当展开,否则说了也没有任何深度,还不如在交通上再进一步深入,进一步打击,阐述论点

再第二个分论点, 觉得举的第一个论点有点跑,提高工作效率,缩短工作时间,工作强度加大,这和加长休闲时间有必然的关系吗??

不过你的语言值得我学习,

个人拙见,仅供参考! :)

krrbUID: 205977

非常感谢楼上的评论， 这是我第一次的GRE文章，可是今年8月就要考了， 也正着急呢。深度问题确实是一个问题，怎么才能写出有深度的文章来呢？往往往机器前面一坐就发蒙呀。

krrbUID: 205977

还有你的文章我也看了，既然有牛人相指点，我也真不好意思再说什么了，见谅`````

staralwaysUID: 193479

可以试着先在纸上写几篇，把思路、论证都想仔细了再下笔，可能会有效果。