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[i习作temp] ISSUE142 Fantasy互改群 帮忙一起改改哈! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-8-25 22:12:22 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
错别字已经改过了,里面的例子都是背诵的


The author asserts that people question authority can enhance the well-being of a society. I concede that question the authority can act as a supervisor and promote the operation of the society. Meanwhile, in my opinion, the well-being of a society is determined by many important factors and question authority is just one aspect among them.

In the first, the politics need the people to question its authority in order to maintain the equity and fairness. The questions which are suggested by the common people can provide some useful information to the current political leaders and supervise the government’s operation. For example, the Watergate Scandal occurring in 1974, reveal the inequitable in the presidential election and filthy artifice used by President Nixon who was the leading actor in the affair. This is a heavy strike to the history of presidential election which was regarded as a fair competition all along. People through the mass media questioned the authority seriously. So the government and Congress had to enacted several laws to prohibit the president from abusing their powers and avoid the reoccurrence of the same affairs. Therefore, question authority can sometimes promote the democracy of the country.

Secondly, in the realm of science, people frequently question authority in order to pursuit the truth even under the great pressure and opposition from the society. For instance, Nicolas Copernicus published his works 'On the Revolution of Heavenly Spheres' despite the strong opposition from the Catholic Church and society. He was the first man to prove that the sun, not the earth was the center of the universe. Albert Einstein who formulated the theory of Relativity which was considered as a challenge to the theory of classic physics revolutionized the modern thought of space and time. All these questions develop the natural science, make great contribution to the whole society and ultimately improve the human civilization.

Admittedly, question authority is not the only element which can enhance the well-being of a society. Many other factors also determine the development of the society. For example, people should obey the laws and conform to the morality in order to maintain the stability and peace of the country. Meanwhile, the cooperation and collaboration also play a vital role in the contemporary world. Nowadays, every country in the world face various unimaginable issues and challenges than before such as the pollution and economic globalization. The political leader and government should take enough emphasis on the collaboration in economic area, industrial area and academic area. These cooperation can elevate the efficiency and reduce the cost and the influence on the natural environment.  In another word, the future development of the countries which participate in such collaboration can gain benefits from these actions.

To sum up, a society needs its people to question authority in many areas such as politics and natural science. Furthermore, there are many other factors determine the well-being of a society such as obey the laws and morality, cooperation and collaboration. The claims that people question the authority is the only reason for the well-being of a society is, to some extent, oversimplified
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沙发
发表于 2005-8-25 22:55:36 |只看该作者
先占各位子,明天帮你改吧.今天眼睛好疼5555


The author asserts that people question authority can enhance the well-being of a society. I concede that question the authority can act as a supervisor and promote the operation of the society(这句话好象怪怪的,把authority改成people(大众)是否好些?). Meanwhile, in my opinion, the well-being of a society is determined by many important factors and question authority is just one aspect among them.

In the first, the politics need the people to question its authority in order to maintain the equity and fairness. The questions which are suggested by the common people can provide some useful information to the current political leaders and supervise the government’s operation. For example, the Watergate Scandal occurring in 1974, reveal the inequitable in the presidential election and filthy artifice used by President Nixon who was the leading actor in the affair. This is a heavy strike to the history of presidential election which was regarded as a fair competition all along. People through the mass media questioned the authority seriously. So the government and Congress had to enacted several laws to prohibit the president from abusing their powers and avoid the reoccurrence of the same affairs. (我觉得这个例子不错,如果再把由例子导出的论证多花点笔墨,整段就更丰满写)Therefore, question authority can sometimes promote the democracy of the country.

Secondly, in the realm of science, people frequently question authority in order to pursuit the truth even under the great pressure and opposition from the society. For instance, Nicolas Copernicus published his works 'On the Revolution of Heavenly Spheres' despite the strong opposition from the Catholic Church and society. He was the first man to prove that the sun, not the earth was the center of the universe. Albert Einstein who formulated the theory of Relativity which was considered as a challenge to the theory of classic physics revolutionized the modern thought of space and time. All these questions develop the natural science, make great contribution to the whole society and ultimately improve the human civilization.(还是一样的问题,例子都很好,就是论证过于简单太少了,有点例证分离的感觉,你就多说点吧:lol)

Admittedly, question authority is not the only element which can enhance the well-being of a society. Many other factors also determine the development of the society. For example, people should obey the laws and conform to the morality in order to maintain the stability and peace of the country. Meanwhile, the cooperation and collaboration also play a vital role in the contemporary world. Nowadays, every country in the world face various unimaginable issues and challenges than before such as the pollution and economic globalization. The political leader and government should take enough emphasis on the collaboration in economic area, industrial area and academic area(就只留最后一个area即可). These cooperation can elevate the efficiency and reduce the cost and the influence on the natural environment.  In another word, the future development of the countries which participate in such collaboration can gain benefits from these actions.(这是让步么?是的话,看到这里我才知道作者的观点是同意题目的意思,但看第一段好象是不同意.所以我建议把开头陈述你观点的句子改成同意把,这样的话你的第2.3段还很不错的支持了你的观点呢)

To sum up, a society needs its people to question authority in many areas such as politics and natural science. Furthermore, there are many other factors determine the well-being of a society such as obey the laws and morality, cooperation and collaboration. The claims that people question the authority is the only reason for the well-being of a society is, to some extent, oversimplified (最好改成支持,这样你的body段就很有利的支持了你的观点)

[ Last edited by flealda on 2005-8-26 at 13:00 ]
8.20T
9.16G作文
10.22G
拼了!!!

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板凳
发表于 2005-8-25 23:01:38 |只看该作者
The author asserts that people question authority can enhance the well-being of a society. I concede that question the authority can act as a supervisor and promote the operation of the society. Meanwhile, in my opinion, the well-being of a society is determined by many important factors and question authority is just one aspect among them. 清楚

In the first, the politics need the people to question its authority in order to maintain the equity and fairness和最后一句换一换. The questions which are suggested by the common people can provide some useful information to the current political leaders and supervise the government’s operation. For example, the Watergate Scandal occurring in 1974, reveal the inequitable in the presidential election and filthy artifice used by President Nixon who was the leading actor in the affair. This is a heavy strike to the history of presidential election which was regarded as a fair competition all along. People through the mass media questioned the authority seriously. So the government and Congress had to enacted several laws to prohibit the president from abusing their powers and avoid the reoccurrence of the same affairs. Therefore, question authority can sometimes promote the democracy of the country.

Secondly, in the realm of science, people frequently question authority in order to pursuit the truth even under the great pressure and opposition from the society. For instance,举的粒子有大问题 (when many of its people question authority.) Nicolas Copernicus published his works 'On the Revolution of Heavenly Spheres' despite the strong opposition from the Catholic Church and society. He was the first man to prove that the sun, not the earth was the center of the universe. Albert Einstein who formulated the theory of Relativity which was considered as a challenge to the theory of classic physics revolutionized the modern thought of space and time. All these questions develop the natural science, make great contribution to the whole society and ultimately improve the human civilization.

Admittedly, question authority is not the only element which can enhance the well-being of a society. Many other factors also determine the development of the society. For example, people should obey the laws and conform to the morality in order to maintain the stability and peace of the country. Meanwhile, the cooperation and collaboration also play a vital role in the contemporary world. Nowadays, every country in the world face various unimaginable issues and challenges than before such as the pollution and economic globalization. The political leader and government should take enough emphasis on the collaboration in economic area, industrial area and academic area. These cooperation can elevate the efficiency and reduce the cost and the influence on the natural environment.  In another word, the future development of the countries which participate in such collaboration can gain benefits from these actions.这段让步不是反着说,很新颖,

To sum up, a society needs its people to question authority in many areas such as politics and natural science. Furthermore, there are many other factors determine the well-being of a society such as obey the laws and morality, cooperation and collaboration. The claims that people question the authority is the only reason for the well-being of a society is, to some extent, oversimplified.
总体很不错

我的issue34
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1783655
望互拍

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地板
发表于 2005-8-25 23:18:35 |只看该作者
ISSUE142
The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.

刚才题目都忘贴了,嘿嘿

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发表于 2005-8-26 04:15:54 |只看该作者

不错!

LZ结构很好,我最缺乏的555
但是觉得watergate套在这儿牵强了
而Copernicus和Einstein这样的例子,感觉用烂了,可不可以有其他的呢?
楼主多指教一下我的逻辑问题啊,刚写了一篇,自己已经看不下去了的:
issue11
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=326610

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RE: ISSUE142 Fantasy互改群 帮忙一起改改哈! [修改]

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