Argrument117【飞扬之夏】Paul_zhang007的作业

paul_zhang007UID: 2192981

Argument117

Argument117    用时：35mins   字数：506

The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'



In this argument, the author concludes that by adding the stock of home office machines and office supplies, the office-supply department will definitely become the most profitable one in its stores. To support his recommendation, the manager cites that more than 70 percents of the respondents to a recent survey said that they are now taking more work home than they did in the past. The recommendation seems, at first glimpse, reasonable. However, close scrutiny of the supporting evidence reveals that it is flawed in several aspects.

First, the manager commits a fallacy of hasty generalization from the survey. Admittedly, from the survey, it does display a recent trend of taking work home. While after close examination, we may find that the author fails to provide with us further detailed information about who has taken the survey, how many people are involved in the survey and who conducted the survey.  It's entirely possible that individual that is used to working at home in the evening takes the survey. Perhaps, among those who have answered the survey, their firms are experiencing a severe cut of employment which press every employer to work harder in case they are dismissed in the future. It's as likely that, in most parts of the nation, trends are just opposite and people are capable enough to accomplish their work during office time. Under any of the above-mentioned circumstances, the manager's recommendation would surely amount to a poor advice which will probably result in great profit losses.

Even assuming the above assumption is true, the author fails to provide us corroborating evidence that the poor performance of their office-apply apartment is sure to change greatly by taking his advice. Common sense tells us that more than one factor can contribute to the sales performance. Chances are that owing to their bad quality of the paper, the customers would rather purchase the products of their competitors. And perhaps, their after-sale service is so poor that residents would rather choose products of other brands. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author can't convince me that making that change will do a lot in improving their sales.

Even assuming that the trend is essentially the same all over the nation and that the poor performance of their office-apply apartment is just due to their insufficient storages, the author's assertion that this department will become the most profitable component is unconvincing. As is known to us all, sales doesn't necessarily amount to profit, which may be affected by other factors. Also, it's highly possible that other components of the store are always the most profitable one.

In conclusion, the manager's recommendation doesn't lend enough support from his evidence and is therefore flawed. To strengthen his argument, we would like to see the taking-work-home trend all over the nation. In order to better his analysis, information about the reasons why the office-apply apartment has played such bad performances is needed. Perhaps the sales performances of other components of their store are also needed to make a complete comparison.

这次就差一点就可以进入30mins了。不过，嘿嘿~~~这仅仅是小弟的第二篇Argument。相信在后面的刻苦练习之后，时间不是问题的。

不过，毕竟是在没经过慎重考虑之下写出的文章，希望大家猛拍，狠拍！谢谢~~~

甲猫UID: 2145556

In this argument, the author concludes that by adding the stock of home office machines and office supplies, the office-supply department will definitely become the most profitable one in its stores. To support his recommendation, the manager cites that more than 70 percents of the respondents to a recent survey said that they are now taking more work home than they did in the past. The recommendation seems, at first glimpse, reasonable. However, close scrutiny of the supporting evidence reveals that it is flawed in several aspects.

First, the manager commits a fallacy of hasty generalization from the survey. Admittedly, from the survey, it does display a recent trend of taking work home. While after close examination, we may find that the author fails to provide with us further detailed information about who has taken the survey, how many people are involved in the survey and who conducted the survey.  It's entirely possible that individual that is used to working at home in the evening takes the survey. Perhaps, among those who have answered the survey, their firms are experiencing a severe cut of employment which press every employer to work harder in case they are dismissed in the future. It's as likely that, in most parts of the nation, trends are just opposite and people are capable enough to accomplish their work during office time. Under any of the above-mentioned circumstances, the manager's recommendation would surely amount to a poor advice which will probably result in great profit losses.

Even assuming the above assumption is true, the author fails to provide us corroborating evidence that the poor performance of their office-apply apartment is sure to change greatly by taking his advice. Common sense tells us that more than one factor can contribute to the sales performance. Chances are that owing to their bad quality of the paper, the customers would rather purchase the products of their competitors. And perhaps, their after-sale service is so poor that residents would rather choose products of other brands. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author can't convince me that making that change will do a lot in improving their sales.

Even assuming that the trend is essentially the same all over the nation and that the poor performance of their office-apply apartment is just due to their insufficient storages, the author's assertion that this department will become the most profitable component is unconvincing. As is known to us all, sales doesn't necessarily amount to profit, which may be affected by other factors. Also, it's highly possible that other components of the store are always the most profitable one.

In conclusion, the manager's recommendation doesn't lend enough support from his evidence and is therefore flawed. To strengthen his argument, we would like to see the taking-work-home trend all over the nation. In order to better his analysis, information about the reasons why the office-apply apartment has played such bad performances is needed. Perhaps the sales performances of other components of their store are also needed to make a complete comparison.

英语功底很不错嘎，但是我总觉得我们最主要的攻击点应该是the most profitable ，因为在原文当中，With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.我们可以据此展开讨论。该文我没有很仔细的细看它的语法错误和句子。

ann01UID: 2196411

也有个急性子哦!考下了,会好好研究.仅做参考吧,我也就写过敬爱的组长大人布置的2篇

paul_zhang007UID: 2192981

谢谢 甲猫  我会再好好研究并重写的 ~~~Thanks  a  lot!~

bigtapirUID: 2218972

117The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

经理的理由不充分，原因如下：
1、调查数据是否能说明问题
2、在家工作的人是否需要办公设备
3、提高商品库存不意味着提高销售数量
4、提高库存也不意味着成为超市中利润最高的部门

  The manager argued that the Valu-Mart stores should take advantage of the work-at-home trend so the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores. However, the manager failed to take several points into account, which leads to the conclusion doubtable.
  
  In the first place, the manager did not prove the authority of the survey. Although 70 percent of the respondents reported that they are required to take more work home than they were in the past, are they represent all other people or only a small number of people? If there is only a small number of peopel who take more work home, the Valu-Mart stores definitely won't make much profits as the manager hoped.
  
  Secondly, the manager failed to prove an important point to us that do the people need home office machines. As the survey mentioned, the people are just take more work home than they were in the past. Clearly, these people took work home in the past, so they may already have all the home office machines they want. What is more, the manager did not figure out what these people may want. He just mentioned office supplies as paper, pens and staplers. If these people just do all of their job on computer, which is very normal, how can the Valu-Mart Stores make money from selling office supplies.
  
  In the third place, to improve the stock does not mean improve profits. The manager only asked the stores to improve their stock of home office machines and office supplies, but failed to consider of anything about market development and selling strategic. He does not even mention any possible competitor. If a competitor sells better quality home office machines at lower price and offers better service, the Valu-Mart store will lose their market absolutely. Under this situation, to improve the stock would definitely lead to more loss.
  
  In the fourth place, although the office-supply makes great success in selling home office machines and office supplies to the people working at home, they are not necessarily the most profitable component of the stores. The manager has to think about the performance of other departments. In addition to improve the selling, the stores have to decrease cost to make more profits. Other department may makes more profits not from selling more goods, but from dereasing their cost.

  Without considering all the four points mention above, the manager rushed to his conclusion. In order to make this argument plausible, we should make sure how many people will buy the home office machines, and how many home office machines and supplies could be sold out and how much profits the Valu-Mart stores could earn from this business.

[ 本帖最后由 bigtapir 于 2006-7-11 22:51 编辑 ]

QQSFUID: 183268

ARGU写出每段中文题纲！按要求来！  bigtapir  paul_zhang007 注意添上！

QQSFUID: 183268

paul_zhang007 改好了～  文字功底很深啊  写得句子都比较复杂……  加油写  记得补上中文题纲！

In this argument, the author concludes that by adding the stock of home office machines and office supplies, the office-supply department will definitely become the most profitable one in its stores. To support his recommendation, the manager cites that more than 70 percents of the respondents to a recent survey said that they are now taking more work home than they did in the past. The recommendation seems, at first glimpse, reasonable.（这句话是不是逗号点的有点过火了） However, close scrutiny of the supporting evidences reveals that it is flawed in several aspects.

First, the manager commits a fallacy of hasty generalization from the survey. Admittedly, from the survey, it does display a recent trend of taking work home. While after close examination, we may find that the author fails to provide with us further detailed information about who has taken the survey, how many people are involved in the survey and who conducted the survey.  It's entirely possible that individual that is used to working at home in the evening takes the survey. Perhaps, among those who have answered the survey, their firms are experiencing a severe cut of employment which presses every employer to work harder in case they are dismissed in the future. It's as likely that, in most parts of the nation, trends are just opposite and people are capable enough to accomplish their work during office time. Under any of the above-mentioned circumstances, the manager's recommendation would surely amount to a poor advice which will probably result in great profit losses.

Even assuming the above assumption is true,（assuming什么意思啊？直接Even if不好吗？） the author fails to provide us corroborating evidence that the poor performance of their office-apply apartment is sure to change greatly by taking his advice. Common sense tells us that more than one factor can contribute to the sales performance. Chances are that owing to their bad quality of the paper, the customers would rather purchase the products of their competitors. And perhaps, their after-sale service is so poor that residents would rather choose products of other brands. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author can't convince me that making that change will do a lot in improving their sales.

Even assuming（这里要用assume了吧） that the trend is essentially the same all over the nation and that the poor performance of their office-apply apartment is just due to their insufficient storages, the author's assertion that this department will become the most profitable component is unconvincing.（你自己把这个句子念一遍试试～没必要为了写长而写长吧  两个that还是个让步 试试简明一点的写法吧 句子短不一定就是低分的） As is known to us all, sales doesn't necessarily amount（equal, amount是什么东西总数是多少吧） to profit, which may be affected （钱改变用fluctuate这类词吧）by other factors. Also, it's highly possible that other components of the store are always the most profitable one.

In conclusion, the manager's recommendation doesn't lend enough support from his evidence and is therefore flawed. （and前点逗号分开写句子清楚些 这句语法不对 and前后结构不统一 直接把and换成therefore写好点）To strengthen his argument, we would like to see the taking-work-home trend all over the nation.（survey that… all over the nation） In order to better his analysis, information about the reasons why the office-apply apartment has played such bad performances is needed. Perhaps the sales performances of other components of their store are also needed to make a complete comparison.

逻辑和语言都不错  注意句子的用法  下次补上中文题纲！ 你的句子写得都比较难读  不写中文题纲很难让人有修改的欲望！

ann01UID: 2196411

抱歉,没在11点前

ann01UID: 2196411

找半天!原来bigtapir的也在这里