argument147 清凉夏日小组 3组 第二次作业

cpuliuwenUID: 2203373

argument147
提纲
•        调查结果的差异推广,调查对象是所有玩家,而广告对象却是10-25岁的人
•        无根据假设,10-25岁是最喜欢玩游戏的年龄层
•        该公司过去两年中销量下降还可能有其他原因
•        即使上述推论无逻辑错误,也不能保证公司的游戏销量回上升,还要考虑竞争对手等其他因素.

In this editorial, the arguer predicted that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase significantly in the next few years. To substantiate the prediction, the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that video game players prefer games that provde lifelike grafics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Moreover, the arguer points out that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless  it is.

First of all, the arguer made a hasty generalization. As the results of this survey show, generally, players favor games with lifelike grafics which need the most up-to-date computers. However, this does not indicate players 10-25 years old will also prefer such kins of games. It is highly possible that these young people more like games which can provide them with magic grafics and funny stories. Also, the arguer made an unwarranted assumption that people 10-25 years old are the age-group most likely to play video games. It is equally possible that middle-aged people who suffer from great pressure in their work are also fond of playing video games to escape from the troubling life. Therefore, no evidence can guarantee that people 10-25 years old will buy the games Ahirlwind company selling.

In addition, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might also lead to the decline in their sales of video games. For example, the company's marketing strategies might be inappropriate. Or the quality of their product became so poor in the last two years that no player was willing to buy it. Since we do not have any evidence suggesting that it is the features of video game that really affecting the sales of Whirlwind video games, we can not simply predict that this sales trend is about to be reversed if the company introdced games favored by players.

Finally, even if the arguer's above assumptions are acceptable, without complete information about,for example, the competitors of Whirlwind company, we can hardly make the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically. As we all konw, the competitors's condition will, to a large extent, affect the economical profits of Whirlwind. If its competitors have alreally been marketing such type of video games which have a higher quality, Whirlwind might suffer from a decline instead of an increase in the sales. Besides, there are also other facotors  affecting the sales, such as whether the players can afford the games or whether they have access to such demanding computers.

To sum up, the prediction in this argument lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis dose not lend strong support to the arguer's conclusion. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to provide more information concerning other reasons leading to the decline of the sales and the situation of Whirlwind's competitors.

linfan68UID: 2185216

In this editorial, the arguer predicted that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase significantly in the next few years. To substantiate the prediction, the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that video game players prefer games that provde[provide] lifelike grafics[graphics], which require the most up-to-date computers. Moreover, [感觉这里用递进不太合适，这是结论成立的基本假设之一，而不是用于增强结论的]the arguer points out that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless it is.

First of all, the arguer made a hasty generalization[这里应该不能叫generalization, Generalization 是指用部分的特征推断整体的特征，而这里是用整体推断部分的情况，叫Instantiation(实例化，离散数学上学的)，或是relationship between composition and division（总体与部分的关系）]. As the results of this survey show, generally, players favor games with lifelike grafics[graphics] which need the most up-to-date computers. However, this does not indicate players 10-25 years old will also prefer such kins[kinds] of games. It is highly possible that these young people more like games which can provide them with magic grafics[graphics] [这个magic值得赞！] and funny stories. Also, the arguer made an unwarranted assumption that people 10-25 years old are the age-group most likely to play video games. It is equally possible that middle-aged people who suffer from great pressure in their work are also fond of playing video games to escape from the troubling life. [这里的例子也不错，当时我看提纲的时候还想说这个问题不是主要的呢，结果让你说的还挺重要的……] Therefore, no evidence can guarantee that people 10-25 years old will buy the games Ahirlwind company selling.

In addition, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might also lead to the decline in their sales of video games. For example, the company's marketing strategies might be inappropriate. Or the quality of their product became so poor in the last two years that no player was willing to buy it. Since we do not have any evidence suggesting that it is the [加一个graphic比较好]features of video game that really affecting the sales of Whirlwind video games, we can not simply predict that this sales trend is about to be reversed if the company introdced[introduced] games favored by players.

Finally, even if the arguer's above assumptions are acceptable[acceptable 感觉上是客观的可接受，而它在客观上是不可接受的，是不是改成Even if we accept all the assumptions mentioned above.], without complete information about, for example, the competitors of Whirlwind company, we can hardly make the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically. As we all konw[know], the competitors's[competitors’ 这个错误太低级了，一定要改过来！] condition will, to a large extent, affect the economical profits of Whirlwind. If its competitors have alreally [already就是副词了]been marketing such type of video games which have a higher quality, Whirlwind might suffer from a decline instead of an increase in the sales. Besides, there are also other facotors [factors]affecting the sales, such as whether the players can afford the games or whether they have access to such demanding computers.

To sum up, the prediction in this argument lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis dose [does]not lend strong support to the arguer's conclusion. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to provide more information concerning other reasons leading to the decline of the sales and the situation of Whirlwind's competitors.

逻辑上要攻击的漏洞基本没什么问题了，除了那个generalization 感觉不太妥当，不要写的太急了，不少打字的错误，还有一个拼写graphic显然是记错了，中间那个s结尾的复数名词所有格注意一下。
比上一篇进步不小哦~~

domothyUID: 2224019

argument147 清凉夏日小组 3组 第二次作业

argument147
提纲
•        调查结果的差异推广,调查对象是所有玩家,而广告对象却是10-25岁的人
•        无根据假设,10-25岁是最喜欢玩游戏的年龄层
•        该公司过去两年中销量下降还可能有其他原因
•        即使上述推论无逻辑错误,也不能保证公司的游戏销量回上升,还要考虑竞争对手等其他因素.

In this editorial, the arguer predicts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase significantly in the next few years. To substantiate the prediction, the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that video game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Moreover, the arguer points out that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. A careful examination of this argument would reveal(是不是用reveals比较好？) how groundless  it is.

First of all, the arguer made a hasty generalization. As the results of this survey show, generally, players favor games with lifelike graphics which need the most up-to-date computers. However, this does not indicate players 10-25 years old will also prefer such kinds of games. It is highly possible that these young people more like games which can provide them with magic graphics and funny stories. Also, the arguer made an unwarranted assumption that people 10-25 years old are the age-group most likely to play video games. It is equally possible that middle-aged people who suffer from great pressure in their work are also fond of playing video games to escape from the troubling life. Therefore, no evidence can guarantee that people 10-25 years old will buy the games Whirlwind company sells. (说明10～25岁的人不一定是消费群体)

In addition, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might also lead to the decline in their sales of video games. For example, the company's marketing strategies might be inappropriate. Or the quality of its products became so poor in the last two years that no player was willing to buy them. Since we do not have any evidence suggesting that it is the features(graphics?) of video game that really affecting the sales of Whirlwind video games, we can not simply predict that this sales trend is about to be reversed only because the company has introdced games favored by players.(这句结尾ms有毛病，既然是玩家喜欢的游戏，那就应该卖的好啊～总体说这段感觉像狡辩，而且有点自相矛盾。如果说Whirlland以前产品质量不好，所以卖得不好，那现在他们引入了好的，就应该卖得好了啊。说到这儿你应该看出这篇文章最大的毛病了吧？那就是lifelike graphics并不能保证游戏的质量，游戏好不好玩，会不会畅销还取决于很多因素。比如故事主线是否吸引人，任务设计是否合理等等。而你并没有抓住这个最大的攻击点。)
Finally, even if the arguer's above assumptions are acceptable, without complete information about, for example, the competitors of Whirlwind company, we can hardly make the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically. As we all know, the competitors's condition will, to a large extent, affect the economical profits of Whirlwind. If its competitors have already been marketing such type of video games which have a higher quality, Whirlwind might suffer from a decline instead of an increase in the sales. Besides, there are also other factors  affecting the sales, such as whether the players can afford the games or whether they have access to such demanding computers.（其实这几个观点分别拿出来都可以写成很有力的攻击段落的，可惜被你这么一句话就带过了～）

To sum up, the prediction in this argument lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis dose not lend strong support to the arguer's conclusion. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to provide more information concerning other reasons leading to the decline of the sales and the situation of Whirlwind's competitors.

语言方面是没什么问题，满不错的。但是下次发文的时候，最好能将里面typo等小错改掉，我想我们的任务不会是帮你改typo。
但是文章结构上很没组织，像是抓着哪个批哪个，散乱。其实阿狗最好从最大的问题开始，然后一个一个让步。建议多看多谢提纲，好好研读linfan贴的阿狗就应该这样写的帖子，牛人大帖，真的很启发的。还有就是平时多练，写提纲时就要有组织结构的意识。

cpuliuwenUID: 2203373

谢谢 linfan 和 domothy 的批评指正,拼写的问题一定重视,开始家里电脑上的word没有纠错的功能,现在装了新的版本,以后会改过了再贴上来,呵呵.
关于攻击顺序和主次的问题,我也不大确定,一直都是按照文章出现的顺序来攻击的,待我研究一下牛人大帖后再改进吧.