请前辈们来拍啊

lovebearmuseUID: 2346951

07.1.13  
　　Some people think universities should provide knowledge and skills related to future career; others think the true function of the university is to give access to knowledge for its own sake. What is your opinion of the main function of the university?

         Many individuals argue that high education should offer knowledge and skills for work, while others hold the view that it is advisable for tertiary education institutions to teach students what is really significant in life. But in my opinion, the ultimate purpose of university education is to provide practical knowledge.
          First of all, one point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that university graduates are facing a shrinking labor market. Living in a increasingly knowledge-based and innovation-driven society dominated by globalization, seeking a satisfying job is a priority for most students, thus they urgently need access to academic knowledge which could help them remain ahead of the competition. Furthermore, practical courses are geared to the social demand. In other words, practical knowledge has a direct bearing on future job prospects, and there is no denying the fact that the students better equipped with practical knowledge and more competitive in job hunting.
           Nevertheless, some people contend that the truly powerful are not those with degrees, but people who stand back and look at what is really necessary in life. In the past, only the rich and privileged had the opportunity to attend a university and their goals were different. Coming form wealthy families, few of them would have to compete for a job after graduation, and most wished only to be considered well-educated. But most students must be able to compete in a incredibly competitive workforce market.
          By way of conclusion, there are still wonderful places for acquiring broad knowledge and for personal development. Nevertheless, in a fast-changing society, universities stand a less chance to pursuit general knowledge.
                                    


[ 本帖最后由 lovebearmuse 于 2007-9-28 11:21 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

revising..

futuremanUID: 2327059

Some people think universities should provide knowledge and skills related to future career; others think the
true function of the university is to give access to knowledge for its own sake. What is your opinion of the main function of the university?

         Many individuals argue that high education should offer knowledge and skills for work, while others hold the view that it is advisable for tertiary education institutions to teach students what is really significant in life. But in my opinion, the ultimate purpose of university education is to provide practical knowledge.
          First of all, one point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that university graduates are facing a shrinking labor market. [此现在分词结构和本句主语不搭配，典型的语法问题]Living in a increasingly knowledge-based and innovation-driven society dominated by globalization, seeking a satisfying job is a priority for most students, thus they urgently need access to academic knowledge which could help them remain ahead of the competition. Furthermore, practical courses are geared to the social demand. In other words, practical knowledge has a direct bearing on future job prospects, and there is no denying the fact that the students [这句话少动词]better equipped with practical knowledge and more competitive in job hunting.
           Nevertheless, some people contend that the truly powerful are not those with degrees, but people who stand back and look at what is really necessary in life. In the past, only the rich and privileged had the opportunity to attend a university and their goals were different. Coming form [from]wealthy families, few of them would have to compete for a job after graduation, and most wished only to be considered well-educated. But most students must be able to compete in a incredibly competitive workforce market.[这段论证的很矛盾，你的论据，尤其最后一句反而支持了TS的对立面，论证完全失效]
          By way of conclusion, there are still wonderful places for acquiring broad knowledge and for personal development. Nevertheless, in a fast-changing society, universities stand a less chance to pursuit general knowledge.

文章首段论点提的有些模糊，practical knowledge也是knowledge, 那么你说支持knowledge toward career还是knowledge towards Knowledge? practical可不一定是career，很有可能也是纯知识。所以题目本质是让你讨论大学对knowledge在理论和现实中应用的问题，而你的定义就非常泛泛，导致全片文章思路比较混乱。

forbeckUID: 2297645

Many individuals argue that high education should offer knowledge and skills for work, while others hold the view that it is advisable for tertiary education institutions to teach students what is really significant in life. But in my opinion, the ultimate purpose of university education is to provide practical knowledge.

         First of all, one point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that university graduates are facing a shrinking labor market.Living in a increasingly knowledge-based and innovation-driven society dominated by globalization, seeking a satisfying job is a priority for most students, thus they urgently need access to academic knowledge which could help them remain ahead of the competition. Furthermore, practical courses are geared to the social demand. In other words, practical knowledge has a direct bearing on future job prospects, and there is no denying the fact that the students 没有动词？better equipped with practical knowledge and more competitive in job hunting.         

Nevertheless, some people contend that the truly powerful are not those with degrees, but people who stand back and look at what is really necessary in life. In the past, only the rich and privileged had the opportunity to attend a university and their goals were different. Coming form wealthy families, few of them would have to compete for a job after graduation, and most wished only to be considered well-educated. But most students must be able to compete in a/an incredibly competitive workforce market.看完之后，我还是不了解你对高学历的看法

By way of conclusion, there are still wonderful places for acquiring broad knowledge and for personal development. Nevertheless, in a fast-changing society, universities stand a less chance to pursuit general knowledge.
建议:
1、的确像菠萝说的，没有把自己的观点弄明白，再怎么论证，结果都是一样的，我们写作的第一步就是审题，这就要先把题目里隐藏的内容挖掘出来，把概念搞清楚
2、用语上，又重复的现象，这个，就靠平时多积累近义词和近一词组就好了　

lovebearmuseUID: 2346951

多谢前辈指点:loveliness: :loveliness: