跪求作文修改，豆豆请进

永恒的阴影UID: 2373054

D/A: A teacher’s ability to relate with the students is more important than have sufficient knowledge being taught.


In our modern society, the statement is such a debated one that which one plays a more important role in students’ learning, a teacher’s ability or his knowledge, not only because of people’s respective personality but also because of their alien understandings. Personally, I sanction that teachers should pay more attention on their sufficient knowledge so that they can educate students well.

The first reason that can be presented to develop my opinion is that a teacher’s chief task is teaching. It means that the basic standard to judge a teacher is how many useful things he can teach to students. To illustrate, let us consider that if all teachers forget about their responsibility, how schools can continue to exist, if teachers are lack of academic knowledge, what students learn will be a mess of fragments of words, if teachers stop to learn new knowledge, where students stand is always in the past time. Hence, common sense and former experience inform us that teachers have to study and educate endlessly.

In addition, there is another reason for me to choose this statement and the reason is not far to seek: What a student wants to learn from a teacher is what the teacher’s knowledge and skills. A good example can be found in the case that my brother Tim, a primary school student in Grade Five, told his mother that he would rather stay at home to read some interesting books and learn some advanced information, rather than get up early, hurry to school and listen to teachers’ old stories about why the Earth is round, when the first computer was invented and how human beings take on the moon, because he has already known about those outdated information and can’t get what he really wants from his teachers. In another word, he should learn all the latest knowledge all by himself but not from his teachers. Therefore, if teachers don’t have enough knowledge, how can they meet the demands for those modern students?

Finally, to speak frank, there is also a more practical reason that a teacher having good relationship with students may give an inadequacy evaluation. As far as I see, some teachers prefer to give more research opportunities to their favorite students and are more likely to give an “A” on their thesis. On the contrary, they are often not willing to guide many things to the students they don’t like so much. In addition, researchers are telling us that the better relationship between teachers and students, the easier to have unfair evaluations. So we can’t say that every teacher is definitely fair because of his natural partiality and every “A” level student is certainly excellent due to teacher’s specific care.   

To sum up all the reasons involved, my final point rests on a persuasive opinion towards a more essential requirement for teachers to get enough academic knowledge and professional skills (not just get along well with students). Then I believe the education system will be more regular and advanced.
(470 words)

[ 本帖最后由 永恒的阴影 于 2007-10-14 11:56 编辑 ]

豆豆～UID: 2378384

In our modern society, the statement is such a debated one("the statement is cuch a debated one" ==> "there is a compelling issue") that whichone plays a more important role in students’ learning, a teacher’sability (to communicate with students) or his knowledge, not only because of people’s respectivepersonality but also because of their alien understandings. Personally,I sanction("Sanction"is confusing because it has two meanings that are almost opposite. Inmost domestic contexts, sanction means 'approval, permission':: votersgave the measure their sanction. In foreign affairs, sanction means'penalty, deterrent': | international sanctions against the republic gointo effect in January. ||| And for here, sanction does not fit. Youmay just use "uphold the view") that teachers should pay more attention on(the right idiom is "pay attention to", not "on") their sufficientknowledge so that they can educate students well.

I especially wanna say something about theBIG WORDS here. It's good use those fancy words in your body paragraph,but don't use them in either the first or the last one, because onceyou used in the wrong way, you would leave a negative impression, whichis not nice because that woud seriously affect your final score.

The first reason that can be presented to develop my opinion is that(delete "The first ... is that". Not needed.) ateacher’s chief("chief" is nor appropriately used here. You may use "primary") task is teaching("teaching" ==> "to teach"). It means that(". It means that" ==> ", which means" or ". That is to say, ") the basic standard tojudge a teacher is how many useful things he can teach("teach" ==> "pass". "pass" is more vivid.) to students. Toillustrate, let us consider that if all teachers forget about theirresponsibility, how schools can continue to exist, if teachers are lackof academic knowledge, what students learn will be a mess of fragmentsof words, if teachers stop to learn new knowledge, where students standis always in the past time.(Iknow what you intended to express, but using questions to stir up thereaders thoughts is not the right way. You may just change thequestions to a real-life situation where all the teachers lost theirprecious knowledge.) Hence, common sense and former experienceinform us that teachers have to study and educate endlessly.

In addition, there is another reason for me to choose this statementand the reason is not far to seek:(delete "there is another ... far to seek:") What a student wants to learn from ateacher is what(delete "what") the teacher’s knowledge and skills. A good example canbe found in the case that my brother Tim, a primary school student inGrade Five, told his mother that he would rather stay at home to readsome interesting books and learn some advanced information, rather thanget up early, hurry to school and listen to teachers’ old stories aboutwhy the Earth is round, when the first computer was invented and howhuman beings take on the moon, because he has already known about thoseoutdated information and can’t get what he really wants from histeachers. In another word, he should learn all the latest knowledge allby himself but not from his teachers.(Dude,did you realize that you wrote a extremely long sentence? Risks are, itis a run-on sentence, and unfortunately, it happened in this one. Youneed to break it down into pieces, you really do. Or at least you needto make it more logical. "My brother Tim, an elementary student, is thecase in point. One day, Tim told his mother that he would rather stayat home, reading interesting books and learning advanced knowledge,than getting up early and rushing to the school. He thought that allthe knowledge taught by his teacher, like why Earth is round, when thefirst computer is invented and how humans first landed on the moon,were all available on the books that he had read while staying athome.") Therefore, if teachers don’t haveenough knowledge, how can they meet the demands for those modernstudents?

Finally, to speak frank(frankly speaking), there is also a more practical reason that(that ==> why) ateacher having(having ==> keeping) good relationship with students may give an inadequacyevaluation. As far as I (have) see(n), some teachers prefer to give more researchopportunities to their favorite students and are more likely to give an“A” on their("their" is vague, since there are two different nouns in the sentence, change it.) thesis. On the contrary, they are often not willing toguide many things to the students they don’t like so much. In addition,researchers are telling us that the better relationship betweenteachers and students, the easier to have unfair evaluations. So wecan’t(cannot) say that every teacher is definitely fair because of his naturalpartiality and every “A” level student is certainly excellent due toteacher’s specific care.

To sum up all the reasons involved(delete "all the reasons involved"), my final point rests on apersuasive opinion towards a more essential requirement for teachers toget enough academic knowledge and professional skills (not just (to) getalong well with students). Then I believe the education system will bemore regular and advanced.



ALL IN ALL:

Clearly, your ability of writing English isapt and fluent. However, I think you overlooked the importance ofsimplicity. I can almost see redundant sentences or phrases in everyparagraph. Remember, this is not the way to compose an essay over 400words. If you really desire to write as much words as you can, try toprovide more details when giving examples and add your own analysisafter each of it.

In a word, your essay is a relatively good one. KEEP WORKING!

An essay like this may earns a score of 4 or 4.5 out of 5

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TOEFL iBT!!

永恒的阴影UID: 2373054

谢谢豆豆啊　这些意见对我太有用了

因为考过G，所以写句子不由自主的拉长，唉，废话连篇的，感觉写的漂亮的文章应当长短句错落有致

豆豆～UID: 2378384

You've got the essence!!!