:)

ciludali21UID: 2173816

:)

ciludali21UID: 2173816

:)

zoubinUID: 2501151

Children are what we called "the raising sun", who are always be regarded as the future of our society (Children, so-called "the raising sun", are always be regarded as the future of our society 感觉重点在后半句). From the elementary school, children (are told they are going to learn)have to learn various knowledge (and lessons) about the world, all (of which) are about to help them to grow up and become an intelligent individual (前面them后面individual 注意保持一致) who will contribute to our society. After all, children are the next generation, who will take over all the responsibilities from us and determine the destiny of future society. Since children are so important for us and for our future, every country and every government has put the children education (education of children) as the first priority. But do we do a good job educating them? Such doubts and questions have existed for a very long time, every since the very first day when education systems were trialed (trial名词吧？).
第一段有几句有些重复，第一句与aftter all那句。稍微进行一下精简，突出你的观点：下一代的教育至关重要。这方面有很多名言警句，如果拿来做论点会更出彩。

In ancient China, children had to recite numerous abstruse documents and textbooks, because the rulers believed only by suppressing children's imagination and frosting them into a man who never rebel and wholeheartedly devoted himself guarding the old society, their supremacy would be ensured and their descendants would secure a stable, peaceful, or what they had been looking forward to, "a brighter future" (in my view, only maintain their autarchy). Yet history has proved many times that the ruling class was all wrong about how to raise their next generation. Endless suppression to children's active thoughts had made the whole generation, and the next generation after them, become passive ones who didn't wish to handle their own fates but left them to the superior ones, to nobles, and therefore lost their impetus to change and improve the society. For almost three thousand years, Chinese had been lived under such high-pressure ruling without complains, what the ruling class decided determined the whole destiny of China, my point can be clearly proved by the fact that when China was first being invaded at the very beginning of the 2nd world war, only a handful youth stood out and called for antagonism while most ones kept silent.  
一定要有topic sentence！！不然，观点不明。毕竟在古代很长一段时间中国还是世界上最强大的国家。要如此，世界其他国家就更废拉。

In recent two centuries, Chinese had been examining and modifying the educational system and its content. We had tried many methods to change the old ways, sending young children to western countries, set up modern schools and universities. So do we learn how to successful raise our children now? Nowadays each of China's provinces own more than 100 universities and professional educational units, but most of them are still teaching knowledge that of ten or twenty years ago. In my high school and university, science textbooks such as math, physics, chemistry, were similar to other countries, but other subjects, like literature, politics, etc, teachers were still using the old method, reciting (是学生学，不是老师教), to teach us. I remembered the main target of every text that we required to take was to find out what we hadn't recited yet. Even in science exams, we were asked to fill out the blank of a certain equation, rather than testing our induction ability. How this would can give children creativity and how would such out of date method to foster a intelligent and flexible generation? Debates on education methods become more and more frequently, one thing people reached to consensus is that we didn't do a good job educating our next generation, reforms must be carried out. Some pioneers schools have begun to trail for new methods: reducing the homework; cutting off reciting part and increasing extracurricular activities. However, some experts start to doubt whether these measures will truly give enough exercise to their brain and mind? Is more leisure time and fun, less hard study will guarantee a better educated generation? Until now, Chinese society is still arguing about what should be the most appropriate study model for children.
觉得没必要把问题说的如此详细，看上去有点啰嗦。

In my opinion, a qualified next generation who can bring us a good future should be healthy and strong (你前面没论证的就不要放到结尾来说，结尾就是总结上面的结论) ; they should have their own values and faith; they should understand the difference between truth and error; they should know how to use their brain and power; and most importantly, they should be capable to care and love. It seems that it is so difficult to raise the children who will bring us a better world, but we should not stop our step to investigate the best education method; if we all concerned about our children and their future, the only thing we can do now is to keep the education first priority and keep on trying various way to improve the education system when call for change rises.

总评：从全文看你有两个观点，一是教育重要，二是我们现在的教育存在很多问题。但是在第一段你并没把你对教育系统好与坏的观点提出来。
接着在论证阶段，你根本没有去支持你的观点--教育很重要，两段都在说教育的问题。
最后在结尾段，你又提出了很多新观点，也就是你认为将来学生该具备什么，千万别再最后讨论这个，那就没完没了拉。简单概括你的结论就可以啦。

DemiquaverUID: 203651

敬佩一下，上班的时候也能写，我就办不到……静不下心来，我需要太太静心口服液。

ciludali21UID: 2173816

汗~谢谢二楼指正~我这篇审题有比较严重的问题~一开始以为题目意思是“教育很重要，但我们现在还没有找到最佳的教育方法”。

原先的提纲没有从历史角度来写，我也不知道怎么到了纸上就变成这样了？！看来问题很严重·······我得去多看一些范文~！~！~！

这篇大概会重写~~没有改的板油~您请不用麻烦了~~~您改看偶其他的作文吧~~