TOEFL集结号 暑期突破小组 作文第七次作业 by nkgl

nkglUID: 2618535

it is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.
认为save land for endangered animals更重要
保护生物多样性
保护生态环境
人类对自然已经破坏过多
总结
Nowadays, given the situation that the land on earth is limited, a heated discussion about the use of land has aroused wide public concern. Some people claim that human needs should be of privilege, on the ground that it is we who dominate the earth. While others hold the brief that we should give priority to the use of land for endangered animals, considering that all the species on earth is of equivalent importance and we should save those endangered one. As far as I am concerned, nothing is more important than to save land for endangered animals, because of the protection of the biodiversity and the ecological environment.

In the first place, we cannot emphasize the importance of the biodiversity. It is universally acknowledged that the biodiversity contributes directly to the earth's ecological balance. Thanks to it, the environment can stay relatively stable when confronts some catastrophes. To illustrate this process, let us take a simple food chain for instance. In the grass-rabbit-tiger process, if the rabbit dies out then it would cause the depopulation of the tiger and an end to this process. However, the biodiversity insures that there is, at least, a substitution for the rabbit, which enables the tiger to survive. So important is biodiversity that we must attach great significance to the use of land for endangered animals.

When it comes to the ecological environment, people are familiar with it through the mess media and the disasters around. Human can not live without it. Accordingly, the protection of the ecological environment is closely related to the human existence. On no condition can we pose a threat to the ecological environment. In addition, if, unfortunately, we damage it, we have to spare no effort to compensate for it. Also, there is no denying that an increasing number of animals becoming extinct means a more serious environmental degradation. Consequently, it pays to put the use of land for endangered animals in the first place.

Admittedly, it is our nature that we think of our own need first. For the past decades, we have always considered our interest before everything else. We construct dams, cut down trees, reclaim lands from lakes and waste other valuable natural resources. It is time for us to focus our attention on the other species on earth and save those endangered one.

All in all, I am right behind the idea that we should give priority to the use of land for endangered animals. Although human need is of vital importance, it falls back to the second place when compared with the protection of endangered animals. To build up a more harmonious society, we should take effective measures to make up for what destructions we have caused to our nature.


刚开始练作文 这篇并没计时 自己考虑是先写几篇上手 然后开始计时练 不知道大家有什么好的建议

DriftKingUID: 2664045

it is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.
认为save land for endangered animals更重要
保护生物多样性
保护生态环境
人类对自然已经破坏过多
总结

红色是我觉得有问题的
蓝色是我觉得写得好的
紫色是我的看法

Nowadays, given the situation that the land on earth is limited, a heated discussion about the use of land has aroused wide public concern. Some people claim that human needs should be of privilege, on the ground that it is we who dominate the earth. While others hold the brief that we should give priority to the use of land for endangered animals, considering that all the species on earth is of equivalent importance and we should save those endangered one(those...one?). As far as I am concerned, nothing is more important than to save land for endangered animals, because of the protection of the biodiversity and the ecological environment. 表明观点，没有比保护濒危动物更重要的了。

In the first place, we cannot emphasize（不明白） the importance of the biodiversity. It is universally acknowledged that（that修饰什么？acknowledged？它是adj.哦） the biodiversity contributes directly to the earth's ecological balance. Thanks to it, the environment can stay relatively stable when confronts some catastrophes. To illustrate this process, let us take a simple food chain for instance. In the grass-rabbit-tiger（一点个人看法，没见过老虎去逮兔子吃的，估计我孤陋寡闻了，把兔子换成羊比较好，不过不太影响论证） process, if the rabbit dies out then it would cause the depopulation of the tiger and an end to this process. However, the biodiversity insures that there is, at least, a substitution for the rabbit, which enables the tiger to survive. So important is biodiversity that we must attach great significance to the use of land for endangered animals. （感觉例子不太好，即便有这个食物链，那也是非常复杂的，不可能兔子灭了，就导致老虎灭了，老虎不仅仅吃兔子），保护物种多样性很重要，但是却没有明朗的说出严重的后果。

When it comes to the ecological environment, people are familiar with it through the mess media and the disasters around. Human can not live without it. Accordingly, the protection of the ecological environment is closely related to the human existence. On no condition can we pose a threat to the ecological environment. In addition, if, unfortunately, we damage it, we have to spare no effort to compensate（可数） for it. Also, there is no denying that an increasing number of animals becoming extinct means a more serious environmental degradation. Consequently, it pays to put the use of land for endangered animals in the first place.保护生态环境，感觉跟上段重复，最重要的是，不是破坏环境造成诸如污染。。。而是跟濒危动物抢地盘。或许我们兴建的设施都很环保，而且绿色覆盖面积不变，但是本来动物住的地盘，我们住了，他们没地方住了---这是题目讨论的问题。

Admittedly, it is our nature that（so） we think of our own need first. For the past decades, we have always considered our interest before everything else. We construct dams, cut down trees, reclaim lands from lakes and waste other valuable natural resources. It is time for us to focus our attention on the other species on earth and save those endangered one.个人感觉如果不把不良后果写出来，就不太有说服力，因为这不是下棋，我先走（construct dams, cut down trees, reclaim lands from lakes and waste other valuable natural resources），下边该你走了（It is time for us to focus our attention on the other species on earth and save those endangered one）

All in all, I am right behind the idea that we should give priority to the use of land for endangered animals. Although human need is of vital importance, it falls back to the second（subsidiary） place when compared with the protection of endangered animals. To build up a more harmonious society（个人感觉society是人类的社会吧）, we should take effective measures to make up for what destructions we have caused to our nature.感觉没点题

可以看出小n同学的遣词造句功力相当深厚（而且这是第一次写），更难能可贵的思路很清晰，层次也很明朗，只要稍加训练，便可成牛；
美中不足的是感觉论证不太有说服力，没有紧扣题目。
而且要注意下英文书写格式，段羽段之间空一行。
以上都是个人的一些看法，不到之处还请见谅，非常欢迎一起讨论，加油！

文赋UID: 2611067

Nowadays, given the situation that the landon earth is limited, a heated discussion about the use of land has aroused widepublic concern. Some people claim that human needs should be of privilege, onthe ground that it is we whodominate the earth（好好的一个句子，不要掰这么碎）. While others hold the brief that we should give priority to theuse of land for endangered animals, considering that all the species on earthis of equivalent importance and we should save those endangered one. As far asI am concerned, nothing is more important than to save land for endangeredanimals, because the protection of thebiodiversity and the ecological environment are vital important for our earth.

In the first place, we cannot emphasize the importance of the biodiversity(不能强调重要性？到底是重要还是不重要啊？). It is universally acknowledged-->a commonsense that the biodiversitycontributes directly to the earth's ecological balance. Thanks to it, the environmentcan stay relatively stable when confronts some catastrophes. To illustrate thisprocess, let us take a simple food chain for instance. In thegrass-rabbit-tiger process, if the rabbit dies out then it would cause thedepopulation of the tiger and an end to this process. However, the biodiversityinsures that there is, at least, a substitution for the rabbit, which enablesthe tiger to survive. So important is biodiversity that we must attach greatsignificance to the use of land for endangered animals. 例子可以修改成：食物链断裂后的catastrophic consequence.


When it comes to the ecologicalenvironment, people are familiar with it through the mess media and thedisasters around. Human cannot live without it. Accordingly, the protection ofthe ecological environment is closely related with the human existence. On no condition can we pose a threat tothe ecological environment. In addition, if, unfortunately, we damage it, wehave to spare no effort to compensate for it. Also, there is no denying that anincreasing number of animals becoming extinct means a more seriousenvironmental degradation. Consequently, it pays to put the use of land forendangered animals in the first place.

Admittedly, it is our nature that we think of-->put our own need at first. For the past decades, we havealways considered our interest before everything else. We construct dams, cutdown trees, reclaim lands from lakes and waste-->abuseother valuable natural resources. It is time for us to focus ourattention (中式思维句型，focus就够了)on theother species on earth and save those endangered animals.

All in all, I am right behind the idea thatwe should give priority to the use of land for endangered animals. Althoughhuman need is of vital importance, it falls back to the second place whencompared with the protection of endangered animals. To build up a moreharmonious society, we should take effective measures to make up for whatdestructions we have caused to our nature.

hustzwjUID: 203387

姐姐过来给你改作业了噢，^_^
it is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.
认为save land for endangered animals更重要9 \# v/ _% Q- s& j& h
保护生物多样性
保护生态环境( s' s2 E( G/ r" K
人类对自然已经破坏过多3 M1 R& w6 D. R' P1 [+ E) h
总结
Nowadays, given the situation that the land on earth is limited, a heated discussion about the use of land has aroused wide public concern. Some people claim that human needs should be of privilege, on the ground that it is we who dominate the earth. While others hold the brief that we should give priority to the use of land for endangered animals, considering that all the species on earth is of equivalent importance and we should save those endangered one. As far as I am concerned, nothing is more important than to save land for endangered animals, because of the protection of the biodiversity and the ecological environment.（两点，你主题要说这两点，那么就写这两点就够了，，别说人类对其破坏挺多的这点了，你也写不完那，如果都写了，）
红色错

In the first place, we cannot （意思完全反了，cannot help emphasizing ）emphasize the importance of the biodiversity. It is universally acknowledged that the biodiversity contributes directly to the earth's ecological balance. Thanks to it, the environment can stay relatively stable when confronts(ing) some catastrophes. To illustrate this process, let us take a simple food chain for instance. In the grass-rabbit-tiger process, if the rabbit dies out then it would cause the depopulation of the tiger and an end to this process. However, the biodiversity insures that there is, at least, a substitution for the rabbit, which enables the tiger to survive. So important is biodiversity that we must attach great significance to the use of land for endangered animals.其实我觉得你这个例子举得有点小问题，因为我感觉我可以反驳你，就是说，你说的那种endangered的动物死了，还有其他的噢，不用他来维持噢，而且你的例子是说兔子死了就老虎受到牵连，直接的意思就变成了生物链的破坏了，其实我觉得你改改TS倒是对你来说容易写一些，我不反对你这个生物多样性，说实话，我也想这么写了，但是我找不到合适的说法，当然了，我你说的那个substitiution of兔子，是很好，那你要继续用这个例子，那么就改改说法，变成，有其他的一些重要的动物，也起到维持生物链的作用，我怎么觉得我越说越糊涂了，你就不要看我的平价了，我说的都是meaningless，好了，不说这个了，我就说一点，我就是觉得这个不好写，你改成”生物链的断裂“什么的这样好写，我只说实战，不说论证，咱们只为了考试，哈哈


When it comes to the ecological environment, people are familiar with it through the mess media and the disasters around. Human can not live without it. Accordingly, the protection of the ecological environment is closely related to the human existence. On no condition can we pose a threat to the ecological environment. In addition, if, unfortunately, we damage it, we have to spare no effort to compensate for it. （前后这两句话一个意思，还不如你举点例子）Also, there is no denying that an increasing number of animals becoming extinct means a more serious environmental degradation. Consequently, it pays to put the use of land for endangered animals in the first place.这段有点堆砌，说点实质的东东，給点例子什么的



Admittedly, it is our nature that we think of our own need first. For the past decades, we have always considered our interest before everything else. We construct dams, cut down trees, reclaim lands from lakes and waste other valuable natural resources. It is time for us to focus our attention on the other species on earth and save those endangered one。我觉得放开头好点，


All in all, I am right behind the idea that we should give priority to the use of land for endangered animals. Although human need is of vital importance, it falls back to the second place when compared with the protection of endangered animals. To build up a more harmonious society, we should take effective measures to make up for what destructions we have caused to our nature.; H! J0 x8 d) m' b

整体上结构明晰，但是有点小地方我不太认同，你适当的调整一下，或者改下例子什么的就可以了、。