issue214 needle点评

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补：西西， 忘了加上这个了：

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issue214
"Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped."


It can be traced back to the last century that among several countries in the world, there came into being a new sort of education [style/system/method] called "elite education" which project [去掉project] is carried by some schools, always some famous schools, [断句] their [指代schools?] task is to choose some students who have been thought hold [of holding] some [连着4个some了，挺别扭的] special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Whether this form of education will bring benefit to both society and these talents themselves have been debated for years.[没有提出自己的立场！介绍了精英教育的内容和目的（实际是restate原题），提出其被争论，但是没有自己的观点和判断]

To begin with, I have [去掉。抱歉的说，regret to say] regret to say that this education is to some extent improper, or even cruel to the students who will be [are是不是更好一些] choose [chosen] to take those special courses. Have educators ever consider[ed] the sense of the students? What should they do at this age if they are [were] only ordinary children? What will they think of their childhood when they grow up? How will these talents feel those courses provide[d for] them? However, it seems that educators have not take [taken] these problems into consideration when they identified [identify] these children and begin training them [要不然就整句用过去时][有证据证明教育学家没有考虑吗？提出了很多问题，但是一个也没有答案。没有有利于专家的答案不能推出专家有失误，同样没有有利于自己的答案不能推出自己的结论]. In fact, these unfathomed problems have become bombs, which will eventually crack [这个词用来之炸弹的爆炸吗？explode] someday. In fact, some information has already confirmed what I dispute above. When these talents grow up, they always suffer from drawbacks, which those special educations leave [with/to][感觉用完成时态好一点] them. They are prone to [be] isolated, and have difficulty in communicating with others. Moreover, their [去掉their] extremeness, selfish[selfishness], [and] arrogant [arrogance][, ]all of these characteristics block them to be mature persons and finally become barriers for them to excel in theirs areas. Even some reports say that this [these] students' suicide rate is much more [去掉more] higher than [that of] common people. So we should think over what these special education's real significance, [and] whether it is bless [这是动词.a blessing] or [a] curse for our society.[尽管后半段提到了可能的恶果，但是没有联系到教育。应该说明怎样的教育导致怎样的恶果。笼统的说those courses谁也不知道究竟和传统教育模式有什么区别，为什么必然有这些恶果出现。]

Not only these [this] special education [style/mold/…] will cause some psychological problem of [to] these children, further more, educator should consider that children may [might] have no interesting [interest] in the realms [in which] they have special abilities and are [去掉are. they might be] not willing to make further study in these subjects [这一句好长，可惜结构很混乱。开头的not only，对应的but also不见了。反而有个furthermore,不对。]. One of my friends is a case in point. He was only eight years old when he was pitched on to enter a special class in a famous school in my hometown, for he has [had] an outstanding talent in mathematics. Three years later, he graduated and studied [began to study math] in a college in math[去掉in math]. Unluckily, math was not his favorite subject and his ultimate dream is [was] to learn music and became [become] a musician. All what [what换that，或者去掉all] the education give [gave] him is [was] a waste of time and a terrible memory. From this case, it is obviously that choosing a major for a child so early [好像这个例子没有说明early的问题，没有谈到是什么时候发现喜好的] is impractical since in that age child has no recognition of his/her plan of [for] the future and has not build [built] up one's philosophy, value ethics [价值观？] yet, [since前面就是结论了，后面有出来一个结论句so，不太合适吧？] so it is entirely possible that they will change mind in the future when they grow up.

After reading these, some people may argue that if these children are [had] not begin [begun] training at an early age, their talents are [would be] likely to remain undeveloped. In fact, these worries are unnecessary. Gold will shine even if buried in mud. In the long river of history, we can see many brilliant individuals who have not get any special training or education at an [their] early age but achieve great success though [through] his/her own endeavor. For example, Edison, who is [was] the most outstanding [典型错误！outstanding是不可以用最高级的！切记！改为an outstanding] inventor in 19th century [Edison在20世纪活了31年呢！], did not got [get] any special education and only got a three month formal education [if not/or] even worse [这一句很别扭，改一下。Edison, … , got nothing special but a formal education of only three month or even worse. ], he was seem [seemed] as an idiot from teacher's eyes. Whereas, via his own diligent and special talent in the field of invention, he made great contribution to the society and his name is deemed to be a symbol of an era. [爱迪生的例子好吗？这道题目说的是怎么教育天才儿童，而爱迪生明显不属于在很小的时候就显露出天才的孩子，不是考虑的对象啊！！！这一段的TS说的是如果不进行早期特殊教育，那么孩子的天赋将被埋没。爱迪生的例子好像跟天才儿童被不被埋没一点关系都没有。]

In sum, although this issue will continue be [being] discussed and haven’t got a final idea right now, [issue的确可以表示社会事件，但是这里这篇文章也叫issue啊！这句话只能让人感觉你的文章没写完，还要接着讨论。结果一看，下面又没有了，真担心判你结构不完整。是范文中的写法吗？我没看过多少范文，如果说错了别见怪] what I [am going to/will] assert is that these students should not be identified in such an early age. They need share a happy childhood just like their common companies and determine their destiny [destinies] on their own.

还有五天就要上战场了，但是现在觉得自己离考试要求的水平还差得远呢，好急啊！
大家帮忙看看我的这篇能不能上4分啊，我需不需要延期阿？
好难过~~~~期待中

[感觉论证不够完善。开头应该要点出自己的立场，支持或者反对，或部分。

Body1和body2感觉应该调换位置，先说body2的兴趣问题，再说body1的恶果问题，感觉比较对应时间顺序。Body3论证不会被埋没的时候例子举的不合适。

文章中的单复数和时态问题要注意。感觉句子组织的也不够紧凑。加油！]