【Fundamental Course of Writtng】基础写作每日一讲（12）Conciseness

米饭袜子UID：2532172

（12）Conciseness学习笔记7
1. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers
Writers sometimes clog up their prose with one or more extra words or phrases that seem to determine narrowly or to modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence. Although such words and phrases can be meaningful in the appropriate context, they are often used as "filler" and can easily be eliminated.
Wordy
Any particular type of dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help.
More Concise
Any dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help.


Here's a list of some words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer:

kind of sort of type of really basically for all intents and purposes

definitely actually generally individual specific particular

Wordy
For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect.
More Concise
American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors.
（啊，这个原来那句乱七八糟的一遍下来居然米咋看懂，后面这句果然清晰，太强拉，同时想，ETS改AW的人是不是在看到如WORDY那句我们的句子是也恶心痛恨地要命，改！一定要改！！）


2. Change phrases into single words
Using phrases to convey meaning that could be presented in a single word contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single words when possible.
Wordy
The employee with ambition...
The department showing the best performance...
Jeff Converse, our chief of consulting, suggested at our last board meeting the installation of microfilm equipment in the department of data processing.
As you
carefully read what you have written to improve your wording and catch small errors of spelling, punctuation, and so on=edit, the thing to do before you do anything else=first… is to try to see where a series of words expressing action could replace the ideas found in nouns= nominalizations rather than verbs.
More Concise
The ambitious employee...
The best-performing department...
At our last board meeting, Chief Consultant Jeff Converse suggested that we install microfilm equipment in the data processing department.
As you edit, first find nominalizations that you can replace with verb phrases.（这句改的太强大了！！有时候要记得看看自己这句话是不是一个词的翻译。。。。。。——！）

3. Change unnecessary that, who, and which clauses into phrases
Using a clause to convey meaning that could be presented in a phrase or even a word contributes to wordiness. Convert modifying clauses into phrases or single words when possible.
Wordy
The report, which was released recently...
All applicants who are interested in the job must...
The system that is most efficient and accurate...
More Concise
The recently released report...
All job applicants must...
The most efficient and accurate system...
（嗯，凡是那种that/which is/are/…+adj/vpp的从句，都可以考虑把这个adj/vpp提到中心词的前面）

4. Avoid overusing expletives at the beginning of sentences
Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there + be-verb. Such expressions can be rhetorically effective for emphasis in some situations, but overuse or unnecessary use of expletive constructions creates wordy prose. Take the following example: "It is imperative that we find a solution." The same meaning could be expressed with this more succinct wording: "We must find a solution." But using the expletive construction allows the writer to emphasize the urgency of the situation by placing the word imperative near the beginning of the sentence, so the version with the expletive may be preferable. Still, you should generally avoid excessive or unnecessary use of expletives. The most common kind of unnecessary expletive construction involves an expletive followed by a noun and a relative clause beginning with that, which, or who. In most cases, you can create a more concise sentence by eliminating the expletive opening, making the noun the subject of the sentence, and eliminating the relative pronoun.
Wordy
It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills.
There are four rules that should be observed: ...
There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
More Concise
The governor signs or vetoes bills.
Four rules should be observed:...
A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
（额，话说这个毛病太常犯了，改的时候就是注意多想想我写的这句话里强调出来的那个词有必要强调么？比如那个第一句的governor，signs or vetoes bills的工作本来就该他们做，还用强调个啥~）
5. Use active rather than passive verbs
See our document on active and passive voice for a more thorough explanation of this topic.
Wordy
An account was opened by Mrs. Simms.
Your figures were checked by the research department.
More Concise
Mrs. Simms opened an account.
The research department checked your figures.
（这个比较容易改~其实话说不着这个被动有么用，能不用就不用吧）
6. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as nominalizations. Sentences with many nominalizations usually have forms of be as the main verbs. Using the action verbs disguised in nominalizations as the main verbs--instead of forms of be--can help to create engaging rather than dull prose.
Wordy
The function of this department is the collection of accounts.
The current focus of the medical profession is disease prevention.
More Concise
This department collects accounts.
The medical profession currently focuses on disease prevention.
（第一句这个很隐蔽啊，要是我写肯定写成wordy那种了）
7. Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases
Some infinitive phrases can be converted into finite verbs or brief noun phrases. Making such changes also often results in the replacement of a be-verb with an action verb.
Wordy
The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to record it.
A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service.
More Concise
A clerk checks and records all incoming mail.
A teller shortage at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customer dissatisfaction.
（看了镇多发现很多都是和be有关滴，注意注意）
8. Replace circumlocutions with direct expressions
Circumlocutions are commonly used roundabout expressions that take several words to say what could be said more succinctly. We often overlook them because many such expressions are habitual figures of speech（习惯啊，这都是恶习，非改不可！我们不是写的不好，是习惯不好！）. In writing, though, they should be avoided since they add extra words without extra meaning. Of course, occasionally you may for rhetorical effect decide to use, say, an expletive construction instead of a more succinct expression. These guidelines should be taken as general recommendations, not absolute rules.（超严谨）
Wordy
At this/that point in time...
In accordance with your request...
More Concise
Now/then...
As you requested...

那个表格总结地很明白，节省地方就不贴了~

9. Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail
Be sure always to consider your readers as you draft and revise your writing. If you find passages that explain or describe in detail what would already be obvious to readers, delete or reword them.
Wordy
I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes, we do have...
It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned.
Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess.
Baseball, one of our oldest and most popular outdoor summer sports in terms of total attendance at ball parks and viewing on television, has the kind of rhythm of play on the field that alternates between times when players passively wait with no action taking place between the pitches to the batter and then times when they explode into action as the batter hits a pitched ball to one of the players and the player fields it.
More Concise
Yes, we do have...
We intend to comply with the tax-return regulations that you have mentioned.
Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.
Baseball has a rhythm that alternates between waiting and explosive action.
（越来越深刻的感觉到这个啰嗦有时候都不是看着不爽的问题，而是给人造成理解障碍了都，这个baseball这句话，wordy那个看得晕死了。。。所以只要能把想表达的意思说清楚完整就行，过分修饰反而使意思混乱）
10. Omit repetitive wording
Watch for phrases or longer passages in your writing in which you repeat words with similar meanings. Below are some general examples of unnecessary repetition contrasted with more concise versions, followed by lists and examples of specific redundant word pairs and categories.
Wordy
I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your drafting officers the administrator's dislike of long sentences and paragraphs in messages to the field and in other items drafted for her signature or approval, as well as in all correspondence, reports, and studies. Please encourage your section to keep their sentences short.
The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter an unneeded luxury.
Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday.
More Concise
Please encourage your drafting officers to keep sentences and paragraphs in letters, reports, and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the administrator, has mentioned that reports and memos drafted for her approval recently have been wordy and thus time-consuming.
The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter a luxury.
Our branch office currently employs five tellers, who do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with Friday and Saturday rush periods.

Redundant Pairs
Many pairs of words imply each other. Finish implies complete, so the phrase completely finish is redundant in most cases. So are many other pairs of words:

past memories various differences each individual _______ basic fundamentals true facts important essentials future plans

terrible tragedy end result final outcome free gift past history unexpected surprise sudden crisis

A related expression that's not redundant as much as it is illogical is very unique. Since unique means "one of a kind," adding modifiers of degree such as very, so, especially, somewhat, extremely, and so on is illogical. One-of-a-kind-ness has no gradations; something is either unique or it is not.
（这个unique如果用作独一无二讲的话可能还不会犯这种错误，但它还有一个意思是少见的，这个very加上会觉得顺因为中文中可以说“非常少见”，这里也不能用very修饰大概是应为其实它已经暗含有“非常”的意思了）

下面的表格也很好~