伊儿柠檬的作文贴

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language5 p/ p% I8 E) V  i9 @5 f

When it comes to the educaion for younger school children(ages five to ten),opinions varies.Parts of people believe that it is enough for the younger school children to learn math,science,history and language and it seems no need to add the courses like art and music.However,others take the opposite attitude.With all aspects considered,I am more incilned to the latter in that the advantages the art and music course(s) bring overshadow the disadvantages.

Initially,according to the study on art and music,younger school childern's intelligence can be cultivated.As a survey reveals,many genius are fond of at least one intrument and also they have their special appreciation on art.With such a powerful investigation result,I am firmly believe that to some extent,it can improve the intelligence of younger school children by studing art and music.Just around me,many classmates of mine who have learned music or art when they were young usually can get higher score than others.



Another credence to my position is the fact that not all people are willing to be a scientists or learn these scientific knowledges(knowledge).Actually,numerous people tend to be musicians and artists.As a consequence,the education of art and music can not only teach the children some skills when they are in the age when it is easier for them to grasp skills(这句太长了，而且2个when的状语从句也太奇怪了),but also it can provide the conditions that when children grow up,they can know their hobby clearly and then they can choose the next study for their career with no pity.（可以加点细节，比如有调查显示，专家怎么看之类）



Apart from the two opinions above,there is another essential factor that is readily discernible.It is significant for children to be  knowledgeable people who must also have other skills like art or music due to the competetive society.To illustrate this,.we need look no further than the following case.When two people who have the same level of study to apply for the same position of a job,if one of them has a skill of art or music,it will be taken into granted that the one who has the extra skill will be employed（这个理由有点牵强，可以说有一技之长的人会被认为适应能力更强，等等）.- N（）） v  e* K3 \8 B6 M" N3 F1 q
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Admittedly,this is not the whole story.When childern are young,to learn science,math,history and language is a heavy burden,let alone adding music and art（这个什么意思？）.Nevertheless,it is obvious that learning music and art will benifit more for children.Thus,I reinforce my propensity that it is better for children to study music and art in addtion to math,science,history and language（结尾几句有点重复，可以重述下理由或是提建议）.( n, f# V- I3 H（）4 b( t

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for the government to spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

When it comes to the construction of a city,a debate occurs.Parts of people believe that  government should spend money on art museums and concert halls rather than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.However,others take the opposite attitude.With all aspects carefully considered,I am more inclined to the former in that art museums and concerts can not only represent the culture to public,(and)do benefit to art-learners,but also give people a place to enjoy thier life.

Initially,art museums and concert halls centralized the most art culture of a city.These provide the chance for people to appreciate art.Art museums exhibit the masterpieces of some famous ancient people and morden citizens,which can bestow an atmosphere of art for citizens.Besides,it can not only bring the beauty of art but also show the history.Concerts can always gather many music-lovers ranging from children to old people.It is(was) in the place that people can enjoy the music culture and get their spirits(这个可数吗？) cleaned.The classical music of the concerts can wake people's admire of the intelligence of ancestors.Relevant to some recreational facilities,these contain more of culture that is meaningful.（这句有点读的别扭，个人觉得）

Further lending to my position is the fact that with more and more children learning art,it is（用was不就是强调句了吗？） art museums and concerts that provide them a gorgeous place to further their study on art.With cheap cost,they can go to art museums frequently.As a consequence,they will find out how to be so wonderful like the artists whose works are as exhibitions in the museums.When in the concerts,the muscic（music）-learners will enjoy the purity of music and determine their future routes of music.

Apart from two opinions above, there is another essential factor that is readily discernible.Art museums and concert halls can bring an quiet relax for people who burden too much in mordern society.

Admittedly,recreation facilities like swimming pool and playground can bring happiness to the city.Nevertheless,the advantages the art museum and concerts bring overshadow those of recreation facilities.Thus, I reinforce my propensity that the government should spend money on art museums and concert halls than that on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

看得出作者在语言上下了不少功夫，但是还是感觉有些句式比较重复，比如provide 。。。和 it is ...that...
结构上没太大问题，论证时细节是有的，还可以加些例子。加油啊，但主要还得自己反复修改，做语言替换。