【Daily Writing作文特训小组】小呆的作文贴，求监督求指导~

sallyremyUID：3120928

2# 应小呆


Children, because of their personal experience, emotional concerns, and different characters, may be diversely influenced by watching TV. So it is conceivable that the question above is not an either-or choice. But, for example, it is acknowledged to all that spending too much time on TV will influence the time that should be used to accomplish homework, take exercise and play with friends and family. So, from my point of view, parents should limit the time their children spend on watching TV to some extent. I have the following reasons to support my opinion.! j3 C; ^+ C" S; O2 T- _

First of all, nothing is more important than to have a balanced life. Thus, if a children spend too much time on watching TV, then he\she will not have enough time to communicate with other people. Then the balance of life is broken. （balanced life这个观点感觉和主题契合的不是很好）What's more, lacking communication with others when one is young will do harm to his\her future character.（第二点没有继续阐述了！）
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Secondly, watching TV will do harm to children's health. As we all know, when people watch TV they will stay still for a long time, which contributes to adiposity（这个点很不错！！）. Adiposity of（among） children is undoubtedly a worldwide problem.(有具体数据可能更有说服力哦~~) So on no account can we add more children to it（用法有点awkward）. In order to keep their children from adiposity, parents should limit the time their children spend on watching TV and encourage them to go out and play with other children.
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Thirdly, watching TV may distract children. I can take myself as an example. When I was 8 years old, I was addicted to watching Ultraman. In order not to miss my favorite Ultraman--Dika, I sacrificed my time for siesta. As a result, I fell asleep every afternoon when we were having our math classes. What's more, I always thought about such question as why Ultraman should protect human, where did their power come from and what they fed on when I was having my class. At the end of that semester, I got 59 on my math. As math had been used to be（用法有点awkward） my best subject, I was shocked by my score. But when I saw my paper and corrected it according to answers（这样讲有点chinglish）, I found the fact that my good math had gone from me.(什么意思？？) It is obvious that watching TV will distract children's attention./ H9 n5 |: J) o9 I: `
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All in all, although TV may help children to learn more about the world, for the majority, the disadvantages overweight the advantages. So parents should limit the time their children spend on watching TV to some extent

谢谢应小呆对我作文很高的评价，不敢当:loveliness:，我应该会一直来写的吧，呵呵，不然没动力写，大家组队有交作业时间限制的。
文章结构清晰，下次可以试试不同的段首开头词
举得例子，迪迦奥特曼好可爱好搞笑哦~~:D呵呵，不过不知道托福中拿自己举例子好不好。。看你们都是举身边人的例子
最后结尾处你说the disadvantages overweight the advantages，可是整篇文章并没有提到advantages啊~
关于我开头的写法：从大的background写到具体的题目（topic）,最后一句亮出你的观点和理由（总概括）你可以试试~（写了老多建议，应为看得比较认真，不要生气哈~~~）
看到你GMAT720啊~是我想考的分数啊！！求经验分享~~~:handshake

sallyremyUID：3120928

3# 应小呆


The lecture is convicing to explain that attacks by predators are the cause of the decline for the following reasons.( Q" t& g4 l( m" T$ Q9 a
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Firstly, there is no dead sea otter found. It is acknowledged by all that if the cause is environmental pollution, then there have to be dead sea otter found on the beach or somewhere else. But in fact no dead sea otters are found. So environmental pollution is not the best explaination. What’s more, if the decline is cuased by attacks by predators, the the dead sea otters are in predators’s stomach, thus there is no dead bodies left. In contrast to the first explaination（指代不明）, this one is more convincing.7 D( f0 F. X, M9 z* n. |
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Secondly, as human have get most of orca’s food away, orca can only feed on semaller prey, such as sea lions,sea otters and so on. So the assumption in the passage that orca will not attack sea otters is unconvincing. Widely occuring predators,such as the orca, could have the same effect（what effect?）, because they do not have other choice.
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Thirdly, the smaller the sum is, the less chance will the predators find them.
What’s more, as we all know that sea otters loke to stay in shallow water, which is also the favorite of their predators.(第三点和你听得不太一样。。ocras太大不能游过去啊！！会搁浅的啊~) So if the number of sea otters in a place is small, then the chance they are caught will be small too. If no predator attacks the school, thenthe polition will remain stable.

写得很不错~~将听力中的3个points都解释清楚了~
对了，听力的原文有吗？？在哪里可以下到？我觉得我听的时候内容有些出入==

sallyremyUID：3120928

8# 应小呆


呵呵，言重了，谈不上什么指正呀~~互相学习嘛，你可以试试我的方法
GMAT经验总结我会好好看的，谢谢你~~~以后有什么问题还请多指教
听力的那个原文无老师的，我要的！！！QQ能发我吗？？

sallyremyUID：3120928

11# 应小呆


呵呵，我也赞同楼下的说你很欢乐的呀~~~
7.4那个综合的第三个观点我也帮你改了，你可以看我写的~（这个我听清的）

sallyremyUID：3120928

13# 应小呆

Humankind is like an innocent child in the universe. In fact, he does not really know what is wrong and what is right. What he regards as dogma now may become nonsense the next moment. In addition, there is no certain answer to the question that which use is practical. As a result, what we take as useless now may play an important role in our future life(与前面那句意思重复了). Based on this, on no account should our government refuses to support scientific research that does not have any practical use.(这是Introduction吗？？怎么感觉像第一个论点。。。)

There is no doubt that we, human beings, know very little about the universe. Moreover, we even do not know much about ourselves. The most simple question to demonstrate my point is that “Where does the first (human)being come from?” Nobody can answer it absolutely. It is conceivable that we can not judge the difference between practical use and its opposite, too. Thus if the government do not support scientific research that does not have any practical use, it may lose opportunities in the future.(这段跟上段是一个意思啊！！)

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What’s more, there is no unless thing in the world. Even nonsense can give rise to a new idea.' d6 n) Q& o, [' u0 K
Even an apple can bring home to Newton the law of gravity. Even an unsuccessful glue can contribute to the birth of Post-it. So if a government can tell what is of no practical use, then its future will be dim. If a government can not tell what is of no practical use, then it(舍去) the question whether or not the government should support scientific research does not exist..(还是一个意思啊！！)

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But we should also take into account that the ability and resource of a country at a certain moment is certain. So the energy must be used to do the most important jobs. The most important jobs have a name called things of practical use. As the government is behind the veil of ignogrance( 无知之幕不是什么都不知道嘛......), it can only pay the most attention on(pay more attention to) the most important jobs. So although the government should support all kinds of research, it has enough reasons to pay less on (to)scientific research that does not have any practical use. . ?3 s' i2 g: {9 Y# l

In a nutshell, it(government) pays to support scientific research that does not have any practical use. If the government is not strong enough, it can choose to pay less.- f5
文章没有实证是硬伤，还有就是层次不够丰富啊~~加油加油！！欢乐的应小呆

sallyremyUID：3120928

22# 应小呆


中小学作文宝典的例子怎么够用啊！！研究生的可以试试~:D

sallyremyUID：3120928

27# 应小呆


这个可以随便编的。。。考官也记不太清吧

sallyremyUID：3120928

45# 应小呆
You will never know what you can do until you have tried. As a result, choosing challenging plans about one's future is better. It not only makes the society to be more creative, but also gives those who try a more colorful life. Although practical plans still have some advantages too, their virtues cannot outweigh their drawbacks. My opinion can be strengthened by the following reasons.

First and foremost, choosing challenging plans means choosing to try something new, or in other word, to explore the unknown. All progress human has made is based on exploration of the unknown. The more people choose to try something new, the faster our society develops. Let me take some examples. Without trying to create a new language, how can we communicate so conveniently with others? Without the invention of steam engine, how comes the industrial age? Without  Columbus, how comes America? So in a nutshell, choosing challenging plans can help the society to enjoy more progress.(这段的观点很不错哟~~)

One the other side, choosing challenging plans can provide more possibility for one's life. If Chen Sheng and Wu Guang had not risen in arm, they would never enjoy（have enjoyed）freedom from Qin Dynasty. What's more, I can take myself as an instance. When I was five years old, I hated playing piano, as (换成because更好，as容易引起歧义，理解成当) it was too hard for me to handle and shortened my spare time to play with my friends. But when I was eleven, my opinion about piano has changed totally, as I can enjoy more entertainment from music than my peers. Moreover, choosing challenging plans may mean choosing a harder life experience. However, it also means choosing to give yourself more possibilities of future life.

But I have to make it clear that practical plans also have some advantages, although less than challenging plans. Practical plans can bring stability to the whole society and provide an appropriate choice for those cautious people.(可以explain more 噢~)

So in a nutshell, challenging plans about one's future is better, although practical plans have some advantages, too.
昨晚批好了传了好几次没传上。。。果然论坛深夜不给力。。。加油！！

sallyremyUID：3120928

小呆的7月18日独立我帮她贴过来了

Do you agree with the following statement? If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, using e-mail/text messaging is better than using telephone/voice-messaging.
Joy and Tim used to be lovers, but now Tim wants to break up with her, as he can not tolerate her bad temper. What is the best way for Tim to achieve his aim? Or we can make the question more clearly by narrowing the span. Which way is better, using email\text messaging or using telephone \voice-messaging? The answer is definitely the latter one. As I have said above, Joy has a bad temper. If you tell her by telephone, she may throw the poor phone into pieces the moment her hears about your words.  Undoubtedly, not all people have a bad temper. But everybody will have the same feelings when they are faced with the same thing. So in my opinion, if you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, using e-mail\text messaging is better than using telephone\ voice-messaging. I have the following reasons to support myself.
Firstly, you cannot escape from the emotion contained in voice. Something is so upsetting that we will also feel sad when we hear the depressed voice from the other end of the telephone.  Undoubtedly, you can use a voice-message to transfer your information, but all of us will feel there is someone in the other end of the telephone unintentionally when we leave the message by telephone. If you use e-mail\text messaging, you will have the sense that you are only type in words.  On the other hand, it is obvious that when we are talk about controversial problems, we will be more aggressive than usual. This aggressive emotion is embodied in our voice and delivered to the one side of the discussion. Voice may be deformed in the delivery and sounds more aggressive. Then the two side of the telephone call may have a quarrel. If you use e-mail\text messaging, there will be no change in the meaning when the message is transfered. So that is why I think email\text messaging is a better way as it can avoid the emotions in the voice.
What's more, information that can be contained in a telephone/voice-messaging is limited and less precise. For example, you cannot contain pictures in a telephone call, can you? Moreover, information transfered by voice may be less precise than that transfered by e-mail\text messaging. For example, if you are talking about a controversial math problems in telephone, a mistaking of a number will makes the whole discussion into nonsense. So that is another reason why I think using e-mail/text messaging is better.
In a nut shell, I hold the view that if you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, using e-mail/text messaging is better than using telephone/voice-messaging.