14年秋季提纲互改小组-argument 3

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王老师，有一个小小的疑问。我用scoreitnow来改作文，就是ETS官方用erater改作文的服务，发觉最后评价的时候它只把第一段的最后一句当thesis。那按照1+3模型thesis通常是要两句话，那么不就有可能被判main idea跟thesis对应不上？是不是把thesis部分的两句拼成一句会好一点？

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tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-13 09:57
你可以把scoreitnow的评论和你的文章站内信给我看看么
感觉erater并没有强调主旨句和主题句的呼应 至少 ...

The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.

"Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members. The best way to do so is by instituting a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer. Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then. Therefore, I recommend that we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program of our own. If we do so, I predict that our profits will also see a significant increase."



Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

erater说检测不到thesis


         The argument negatively links the decline in audience number and profits to the lack of new programs to attract new audience members and hence recommends the 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer in order to attract new audience. However, several questions about the reason for the decline of audience size and profits and the effectiveness of the proposed summer theatrical program.
         One question for the author of the email is whether the decline in profits is mainly due to the decrease in audience size. If the theater does not have many audience originally, the 20 percent decline will not be significant. One of them is the cost. Besides the number of audience, there are several other important factors that can impact profits. One of them is the cost. Since profit is the difference between revenue and cost, a hike in cost might lead to the decrease in profit. If this is the case, it is recommended that the theater
take action to curtail cost instead of initiating a new program that might increase the cost. Another factor is the diminished revenue probably due to the decrease in ticket price. A decrease in revenue can also cause a decrease in profit according to the function between revenue and profit. Under this circumstance, the theater might need to increase the ticket price to optimize revenue. If other factors play a more significant role on decreasing the profit, the recommendation of the director is not justifiable.
           Another question the author of the statement needs to answer is the dearth of new programs is main reason for the decline of audience size. There are many other factors that can decrease the audience size. One example is the loss of original audience members due to the switch of preferences of those audience. Probably the work of Shakespeare is no longer popular among those audience groups. Therefore, it is more effective for the theater to research on the original audience's taste and make relevant adjustment to keep those groups of audience. Another example is the decrease of the advertising efficiency despite the increased advertising effort. Probably the advertisement of the theater is broadcast on TV or radio during the non-prime time or published on the obscure sectors of the magazine. Therefore, the increase in advertising input doesn't necessarily lead to an increase in the number of audience reached by the advertisements. If the lack of new programs is not the main reason for the decrease in audience size, the recommendation for a new program is unwarranted.
           Even assuming that the decline in audience is due to the lack of a new program, it is not appropriate for the marketing director to determine that the 'Shakespeare in the Park' program to be effective based on the success of a similar program in Avon Repertory Company. The marketing director needs to figure out the question whether the program can lead to at least the same amount of increase in audience number and revenue. If the answer to the question turns out to be true, then the recommendation of the marketing director is advisable. In order to answer this question, the marketing director need to find out whether Avon and Classical are dealing with groups of audience of the similar preferences and the cost of the program are the same for the two theaters.
            In sum, before implementing the recommendation for the new program of 'Shakespeare in the park', it is recommended that the company management research on the customer preferences, the cost of the company and the effectiveness of the program. Those are the major factors that provide a sound basis for the success of the program in boosting audience size and profits.