20天托福110分---旅狼的作文修改铺子

zenghui111113UID：2667994

谢谢旅狼大师啊，呵呵，我正在往我的作文里加上例子哈……第一篇文章就得到这么中肯的建议，真的是太感谢了哈

zenghui111113UID：2667994

Renewable resources of energy will soon replace the old resources of fossil fuels.
楼主，帮忙看下啊，这是我第4篇托福作文。我现在写到第四篇作文，还是要写好久，最少要写一个多小时才能写完，而且这篇我改了差不多四个小时。我就在那改啊改，总是想表达但是表达不出来，就一直在想，居然改了四个小时！我太崩溃了啊……5555……楼主，我该咋办啊？这篇文章我抓狂了……急需帮助与建议哈！谢谢啊……
Living in the age of machines, it’s hard to imagine what will happen without energy. Not only does energy enable trains run on the railway, airplanes fly in the sky, but also keeps us warm in the winter and drives away the darkness at night. As we know, nowadays, a vast amount of energy is supplied by fossil fuels .Notwithstanding, fossil fuels’ negative effects has became increasing serious so that scientist has to develop renewable energy , like wind, water and sun, to  deal with this problem. A question has been raised: Will cars soon be running on solar power instead of gas? The way I see it, renewable energy will replace fossil fuels eventually but not very soon.

Fossil fuels have brought us so much hazards that they must be out in the future. Firstly, Fossil fuels have caused many disasters. For example, the burning of fossil fuels release a vast amount of carbon dioxide into atmosphere, which aggravates Green House Effects and leads to global warming. No one can stay calm when they see The Day After Tomorrow, the disaster film which depicts a world where global warming triggers an abrupt climate change, creating a super storm that causes unimaginable worldwide weather disasters. In a span of just a few days, Tornados devastate Los Angeles, huge hail ponds Tokyo, blizzards whip New York. We must remember, such disasters will actually happen if we continue to ignore global warming. Besides global warming, Acid rains, deforestation, sea level rise are all the results of the burning of fossil fuels.

Secondly, fossil fuels are far more expensive than the renewable energy. We all know, fossil fuels take millions of years to form and reserves are being depleted faster than new ones being formed. The more they are use, the less they remain. Their limited shortage gives rise to the sharp increase of fossil fuels price. For example, the crude oil price has soared from fifty dollars per barrel in 2005 to one hundred and twenty dollars per barrel in 2008. Therefore it’s for us to   develop renewable energy and lower the price of fossil fuels.

Fossil fuels, due to their drawbacks and negative consequences, will be replaced by renewable energy in a long term , as we have discussed above. Nevertheless, to say that renewable energy will replace fossil fuels very soon seems to be an overstatement.

Clean and eco-friendly though renewable energy is, it still has some disadvantages. For one thing, the use of renewable energy such as wind power and hydropower relies on particular geographic and climatic conditions. For another thing, the application of renewable energy requires tremendous investments. For example, it costs China billion Yuan to build the famous Three Gorges Dam.

In short, it’s a certain thing that renewable energy will replace fossil fuels, but this shift will not happen overnight. As long as the world believes firmly and acts bravely, the shift will be realized.

superzhangziUID：2614613

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=12#pid1773082075
我是102#的superzhangzi
先表感谢！！
我9月12的考生，也不知道这算不算是“马上考试”；至于写作水平，也就是30分钟内写出如上的文字。。
那旅狼看来我现在该怎么办？继续用模板练习还是随意书写？
还有，我的问题主要是什么，剩下的这些天怎么使用？
thanks!

pingding205UID：2641955

133# 腾格里旅狼 谢谢指导，我会努力的。

MTRL2009UID：2664551

首先感谢旅狼同学的热心帮助，在此我贴一篇习作，望给予评价，非常感谢。应该能赶上这拨吧，呼呼。。

TOPIC: Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?

Preserving nature environment versus economic development, to which governments should give top priority, is a quite fierce problem for them to handle. So far as I am concerned, however, environmental protection and economic development,  they are both important and in the meantime simultaneous and sustainable growth between them are greatly needed.

Apparently series of natural environment issues has now arisen. For instance, natural environment deterioration, depletion of natural resources, especially fossil fuels like petroleum and coal, greenhouse effect, climate change and global warming, all of which demonstrates that this is an urgent request that every country has the responsibility to put environmental protection and sustainable growth on the agenda and proactive approach must be taken before each economic step they make.

Even so, there isn't a paradox or contradiction lying between environmental protection and economic development. On the contrary, they are interacting in a more positive way than we thought. Several aspects are elaborated here. One is, environmental protection issue is the fundamental question above all other things considered in feasible research of a new economic project before it launches. Envisions about the future pollution which break the codes and standards of national or international regulation and tremendous waste of natural reserves, more severely, irreversible effect has been caused, this project will be surely terminated, it won't be carried out afterwards. Another thing is, more and more energy saving and emission reduction measures are realized effectively among those industrial plants which are already built. Good examples in China, for instance, are those refineries with less than 1,000,000 ton per year production are closed according to recent policy, which prevent further inappropriate use of crude oil. Lastly, economic development, to be more specific, on the "green" power research, substitutes like hydrogen power，wind & solar energy etc. can effect environmental protection more positively.

All in all, I believe there are many options for governments to choose to balance the advantages between environmental protection and economic development against the disadvantages, that is the right solution they can make to obtain a brighter future in the end although that is probably a long way to go.

jesse19871106UID：2684470

谢谢楼主指点，我是116楼那个， 问一下楼主，起晚的优点可不可以在第一段一带而过，如果另起一段就六段了了？还有第二段加论据是不是说理性的话，还是再说一些事实什么的？

jesse19871106UID：2684470

92 Some people prefer to live in places that have the same weather or climate all year long. Others like to live in areas where the weather changes several times a year. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
   To live in places with same weather or areas which weather changes constantly throughout a years is a very individual thing. As far as I am concerned , I have lived in  a four-season climate which provides myself more comfort . I can do a wide variety of sports in different seasons ,see  various scenes in a year  without going to distant locations. Most importantly , living in a place with extreme seasons benefits our health.
    At first ,  a place with diverse climates broadens the range of pastimes. for instance,  winter provides us kinds of outdoor sports like sled  riding ,ice-skating ,cross-country skiing ,downhill skiing and so forth. And in summer I can go swimming by the sea and go boating to feel the cool sea wind on my face. However , If an individual lives in a place with same weather all year long, he can hardly enjoy so many sports . For example people living in hot Singapore probably have no chance to see snow ,not to mention going to skate or ski.
    Moreover, Living in a place with distinct seasons can let us experience more various scenes. In the spring , all  kinds of flowers are in full bloom and grass regenerates, as a result , the land is all covered by the active green grass. Autumn presents a picture of harvest and I can also see fascinating golden scenery in the outside. What's more , walking  on the road with the click autumn leaves under my feet can offer me an geogrous  memory as well.
   Finally, living in a four-season climate can benefit our health as well. Since different seasons provide us various sports to choose from, we are readily keen on physical training without boring of some sport in a certain climate. So our body will be strongly built, and we will be energetic all day.  Besides, in winter the low temperature will kill many bacteria and harmful insects. So in the spring, people will have less chances to be inflected with illness such as flu. And people live in a four-season climate are more likely to adapt to extreme enviroment.
   Taking account of factors above, I believe the advantages of living in areas with distinct seasons are more considerably worthwhile, and my life can be full of joy only if the nature around me is permanently changing.
又写了一篇 ,谢谢楼主!

jesse19871106UID：2684470

还有问一下版主像下面的套话可不可以用在开头
to agree of disagree the statement ............i s a  matter of balancing its pros and cons . If people thinking about the following reasons ,he or she will disagree\agree the title statement

walkUID：196561

楼主帮我改一下吧，谢谢！
Do you agree or disagree the following statement：
Choose the difficult or challenging classes in college or university though you can not get a great grade

I totally agree with the statement that students should choose the difficult or challenging classes in college or university though they can not get a great grade. Because by learning the difficult or challenging classes, students will gain more knowledge and experiences than others. However, they should also avoid choosing the classes that beyond their capacity.

To begin with, it is necessary for college or university students to gain more knowledge by choosing some difficult or challenging classes in their interested areas. Nowadays, more and more people have the chance to study in the college or university, and graduating from college or university can not ensure they can get a good job. In order to become an excellent one and to win in future’s competition, students must equip themselves with more knowledge than others when they are still in the campus. Moreover, college or university students are young and energetic, and they are easier to challenge new things. Otherwise, they will miss the best period for learning new things.     

Secondly, to do something challenging is useful for people to improve their ability to solve problem. There are two attitudes to treat problem: one is to avoid problem; another one is to solve the problem. If you take the first attitude to treat the problem happened on you, you will always be badgered with different kinds of problems. However if you have the courage to face the problems and try to solve every problems and difficulties, you will be the winner in life. Therefore we should encourage students to learn something difficult or challenging, and they will get much useful experience to solve problems, which is the wealth that will be cherished in their whole life.  

Finally, to encourage students to choose the difficult or challenging classes in college or university does not mean that they should choose some strange and useless tasks and some classes that are beyond their capacity. For example, when I was a freshman in the university’s physics department, I was curious for everything, and I chose too many difficult courses which are for senior students and I even chose to study French together with English. Finally, I didn’t learn well any courses in that semester. Therefore, students should also avoid going to the extremeness when they choosing the challenging classes.

In sum, students should choose the difficult and challenging classes in college or university so that they can equip them with more useful knowledge and culture the courage to dare to challenge difficult problems. Meanwhile, they should avoid going to the extremeness which will waste their time and bring them nothing.

s_wangUID：2675163

非常感谢楼主 8.30 就要二战，一战只有24，据说大作比较好拿分，正在努力。。。谢谢啊


做广告是浪费钱吗？

Personally, although the expenses on the advertisement can be very huge to a company, I still think it is deserved and necessary. I would like to explore some main reasons below.

My main reason for my propensity is that new or creative products really need ads to let more consumers to get to know them. Take yogurt as an example, at first, no one would like buy or drink yogurt in China, because people think only when the milk becomes decayed, it will taste acid. Then the factory hired an ads company to help them out. The TV ads show that ladies become beautiful and slim after drinking the yogurt. In supermarket, the sales people make the salad with the yogurt as dressing which people can have a taste.
After that people find it is quite different from what they imagine. It taste special but good. Now it is undoubted that yogurt is one of the most popular drinks or sources in China. So to some new products, ads is a good media to help cunstomer have a better understanding of it and have a try.

On the other hand, another advantage of ads is to increase the appearance of the certain product and enhance company's reputation. People definitely have more trust on a familiar brand than a strange one, just like tend to share secrets with close friends than with ordinary one. Ads not only introduce new products to consumers but also tell a brand story or develop company's image. For example, Tiffany, a diamond brand, nowadays also becomes a resemble for forever love, as lots of ladies were moved by the romantic love story told in the ads. Nothing is more important than to establish trust relationship and common points between the brand and life-time customers.

Furthermore, with the more and more fierce competition in commercial market, Ads as a sales method are used by almost all the companies. That is the reason why customers have already been used to following the ads and trends to choose what they want or like, rather than judge by themselves. If the boss decides to save the cost of ads, he may lose more potential profit and market. For example, Alcate, a famous French cell phone brand, diminished from China market. Because they are so confident about their productthat seldom uses ads, which is the out of dated strategy in current market  And then customers forgot this brand with the time passing by.  

Word Count: 361

perceptionUID：2299669

请旅狼指教，谢谢

Does government should pay more attention on health care issues than on environmental issues?

        Health care and environment are both major concerns of human today. Nearly everyone pursues a healthy condition as well as a sound environment. A government should not undervalue the significance of either of these two. However, when facing a budget constraint, it still has a hard decision about which one deserves more. The opinions of this issue are varied. Personally, I think it is wiser to pay more attention to environment issue, since a good environment could be a guarantee of the public health itself.
       
        The first reason is that improving the environment conditions would help eliminate hazardous factors that harm the pub-lic health and reduce the cost for health care. In general, people living nowadays eat better and enjoy more advanced medical treatment, but many of them still suffer a lot of deadly diseases which are rather uncommon before. Why? A deteriorated environment is the main reason. Millions of people now drink the polluted water and breathe poisoned air every day, so how could they keep very healthy? Hence if the government gives priority to environment issue and improves the macro-conditions for people, the public health would be benefited a lot and the money devoted to the health care could also be saved to a large extent.

        Another reason that enhancing the environment quality is more crucial is that it is related with a larger topic, the preser-vation of our living surroundings. In a terrible environment, I might say that there is virtually little difference between healthy people and unhealthy ones. For example, when the sand storm hit Beijing, even a strong young man has difficulty in breathing freely. And if the climate becomes worse quickly as a result of the dramatic acceleration of global warming, like the description in the U.S movie The Day after Tomorrow, millions of people would be on the verge of extinction. No matter how healthy they are as individuals, their possibility of survival would all be brought down to a minimal degree. In other words, all the work we have done for the sake of health is only meaningful as long as the environment conditions are at least main-tained at the currently level, if not improved.

        To sum up, though the health care is an important issue, the environment deserves more attention and is of greater sig-nificance. It could also function as the base of all the efforts devoted to health care.

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

127# fancyww 很多童鞋在写作文的时候都不注意读题，或者是不会读题，以至于在考试的时候不能够拿到很好的分数。你就属于这其中一个，题目：Because people are too busy doing many things, they can do few things well。题目两个对比：busy/many things和few things/well。既然是对比就说明有强调。再看你的论点“I believe that people can manage their life and work orderly and do things well”根本没有强调few，我能不能将你的论点理解为“do a lot of things well."

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

128# 多多多多 和你楼上的童鞋一样，没有看清题目，题目是“School education is more effective if students have classes for eleven months”，强调的是“more effective/ classes for eleven months",而不是强调假期的，所以你在开始论述的方向就错了。虽然长时间的上课会缩短假期，但是这却和议论的题目有着本质的区别，所以，你严重跑题。

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

137# zenghui111113 第一段文字写的很不错，但是太啰嗦了，你的第一段文字都写这么长时间，就意味着你的正文段落不会太长，也就是说你的正文段落不会讲问题议论的很详细。但是还要申明一点，你的论点找的太好了，很棒“The way I see it, renewable energy will replace fossil fuels eventually but not very soon."赞一个。其次，你的主题段落用了大段的文字来描写例子，这正是你时间紧张的一个最直接体现。例子可以长一些，但是不能每一个主体段落都以例子为主。平衡一下论据。

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

138# superzhangzi 9月12号考试的话，就用模板练习吧。你的问题主要是议论的逻辑性不是很清晰。