作文修改小超人（停止修改）

破海沧澜UID：2401581

Bepa1

偶刚开始准备作文...底子不好,因为我们不学英语也没有人帮忙改作文...您能帮我改一下吗?应该有很多错误..见笑啦~~
Topic: it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

Psychologists have found that the environment is pretty significant for children during their growing (children’s growth尽量简单一些). Nowadays （Currently替换）, a large number of people argue that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement that it’s more advantageous for children to grow up in a big city.

（Parents never cease to care about their children. Motivated by the desire of offspring cultivation, some people even send their children to the countryside, believing that such surroundings will be suitable for growth. Currently, there exists a widespread controversy concerning whether children should live in the countryside or the urban areas. However, from a more personal than a general perspective, I would argue that it is better for children to live in the city other than in the countryside. 这是一个比较模板化的开头。由于经常给人改作文，这样的开头已经写得相当熟练了。你可以参照一下。不过我自己感觉这样的开头也只能保证26，27分而已。）

The majority parents and teachers believe that children’s growing in a big city will provide them with more opportunities to develop their interpersonal skills, which may put them in a favorable position in the future’s job market. A research has shown that most of successful men have a huge circle of friends, which plays a significant role in their career. As we know, a good manager is required to have team spirit, to be good at communicating with other people. when the children growing in the countryside play with dogs in the yard all day, the children growing in the city already know exactly how to deal with various people. Try to imagine（有点口语化，注意，尽量避免。）, how much effort should the children in the country do to catch up with the children in the city in the future?

(For one thing, living in the city can benefit children’s growth in terms of communication. Communication is indispensable, especially for the growing-ups who are in thirst of knowledge obtaining. Furthermore, growing-ups also necessitate friends to talk to, to ask help for and even to cooperate with in the future. In this sense, making friends with different characteristics is by all means of consequence, and one is able to achieve this by means of wider communication. Transparently, living in the city can provide an individual with larger opportunity, since there is no shortage of people nearby. 这是我看了你的原文以后进行的修改，总体来说，你的语言存在chinglsih的问题，你可以参照我的修改，最好在主体段里有事例的支撑，不要一直说大道理！ )

People demand that it’s better for children to grow up in the countryside without recognizing the benefit that let children grow in a big city has had in improving their life. For example, living in the city, children have more access to contact with computer at an early age, by which means they can obtain more knowledge, make their study more convenient. They can also have numerous kinds of entertainment, which bring about them a colorful memory of childhood. What’ more, according to a latest survey, 70% of the diseases may be occurred in the countryside because of people’s ignorance of hygiene.
Growing in the countryside is superior in some extent. Some people get tiered of the contaminated surroundings in the city. They prefer their children to enjoy the fresh air, the quite life instead of the crowded and noisy city. Furthermore, living in the countryside can provide more freedom and flexibility of doing our favorable things at our own choice, which can’t be replaced by the quick-pace life style life in the city.

（To the advantages of living in the city for children’s growth, yet another must be added. Advanced as the modern technology is that if children are living in the city, they can use some scientific skills to assist their daily study. Perhaps it would suffice to mention my little brother Tony, who is now eight years old and study in one of the primary schools in the city. Whenever he meets an academic problem that could scarcely be solved, he would turn to the Internet for help. Just press the button and the answer will be in front of his eyes. “I find the Internet fantastic,” one day Tony said to me, “just to stay in my bedroom without a teacher, and I can learn everything.” I am fully aware of Tony’s excitement, because in the final examination of this semester he got full score in English and American History, large due to the assistant of the Internet. However, on the contrary, a poor child would not have the opportunity of studying online if s/he is living in the countryside. 我在在这里举了一个事例，字数一下就上来了，可以参照一下。）

Weighing the benefits growing in the countryside and in a big city, it is obvious that growing in a big city is a better choice for children. Because of the competition has become more and more intense, only when growing in cities can help us cultivate the characteristics of children, which is required in the future.

（你的文章整体是不错，不像你自己说的那么差嘛！给自己多一点信心，相信自己能行！
还有，我必须提醒你一下，在托福作文中，定格写的形式段与段之间一定要空一行）

破海沧澜UID：2401581

建议大家，有能力的寄托族都来互相改作文！！！
这是提高作文很好的方式！！！！:)

ad50855353UID：2296545

各位帮忙看下,还有2周就要考了 ;d:

感激不尽!!!

Topic115  planning or not planning for your leisure time?

Today, we live in a world full of schedules forcing us to initiate something at a certain time, and even to accomplish something at a previously determined time. Many people complain much about that, arguing that the schedules are taking away their own freedom. Therefore, why should we bind ourselves to a carefully planned schedule for our leisure time after having suffered such great pains.

In general, we, during our leisure time, want to relax ourselves by settling down to intriguing activity. Thus, if we make a plan, we may only be worried about whether the plans could be done, rather than really enjoy our time. For instance, if you set aside an hour to listen to the music, you’ll be obliged to look at the clock several times, for fear of breaking the original plan. Some of you may even set an alarm clock to remind you. And what’s more, perhaps when you are absorbed into the gentle music, the alarm clock goes off. Needless to say, you have spoiled your good temper by yourself.

Also, it is hard to make a decision about what to do for leisure in previous. Changes are usually faster than plans, you may, for example, be inclined to playing football in the morning, and then you are determined to do that in the afternoon leisure time. However, you may change your plans out of some reasons, such as weather, mood, field and so on.

Making a plan for leisure time involves how much time a person will spend on an activity. However, that is difficult to estimate, leading to a bad plan, which makes everything a mess.

In conclusion, I will argue again that the schedules are taking away their own freedom, then why don’t we leave the last freedom to ourselves by the means of no plans for our leisure time.

嘻游天使UID：2246330

不知道LZ会不会帮忙也改改，感谢在先了！
It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

Whenever it comes to a discussion about a child’s growing-up environment, we are always considering whether it is good for a child to live in the countryside or in a big city. Having been living in a big city for over 20 years, I have every reason for supporting children to grow up in a big city since a city rather than countryside provides necessary living facilities for children to live a more exciting life.

First, it can not be ignored by parents that education is recognized as of great importance for children’s mental development. In big cities, there undoubtedly have excellent schools. I still remember, about 10 years ago in China, that parents were seeking top elementary schools for their children of my age to get better education regardless of higher tuition or extra donation the school charged. Although it seems incomprehensible regarding the parents’ behaviors, it is somehow showed that education is more or less a profound component for a child’s growing. And it is true that big cities contain more and better educational institutions than that of the countryside.

Besides education, children need to be living in a pleasant environment which provides entertainment. Some places like museums, theme parks, or libraries can let children be exposure to a more exciting world. Take museums for example, either Science Museums or Art Museums will demonstrate a very different world compared to a child’s normal life. When parents take their children to those museums, they might become interested in science through participatory learning about robots. Once children have the love for visiting museums, they tend to be eager to learn and think independently. While museums are hardly found or run in the countryside, children have less access to these places which can be one of the essential knowledge sources for learning the outside world.

Moreover, it is more important for children after commencement of universities to get a decent job. Once more, it is a better choice to keep staying in a city where there are lots of opportunities to find a good one. They can get the feeling of competition when they are surrounded by elites. It is especially a good experience for children growing up in a multi-cultural city.

Other facilities like hospitals and healthcare centers are also basic components in the process of a child’s development. Despite some disadvantages of cities-air pollution, crowded traffic so on and so forth, I still recommend that children should live in a big city in order that they acquire knowledge in a fast-running world.

bepa1UID：2311082

谢谢小超人,嘿嘿:)

lucy0207UID：2344434

thanx !:)  hope you recover soon! you work so hard , so god will help you  :)
have a good day  !

周游26UID：2406486

If you were an employer , which kind of worker would you prefer hire : an inexperience worker at a lower salary or an experienced worker at a high salary ?
Before giving my opinion, I think it is better to look at the argment s on both side . people who support using experienced workers usually give some or all the following . firstly, there are position for which extensive experience is definitly important . For instance , a hosptial certainly not allow non-experience doctor do a major surgery for good reason, and an investment firm will not permit a recent graducated student to manger their businesses .Although ,they command a lower salary, employers more likely to hire a comparable expert for crucial postion .
secondly, a candidate with less experience, in modern socitey , often can be unstable factor that may jeopardize the company. Take China as a example, many students who posses master degree are not satisfact about their lower payback. instead of doing a good iob they frequently chage their mind then find a another chance. it is truely that most of students do the same thing as I mentioned. however, a experienced applicant obviously more honesty , since he have quite large opportunies to acquire both high wage and postion.
however,it is also reasonable for people hold oppsite statment. despites they lack of experiences, they equally have other intangibles such as aptitude, initiative, and creaivity as well. In comparsion , employee who has experince may be sophiscated and not willing to put all their energy into job . moveover, they may even not as intiative as youthful counterparts.
In my opinion, I think employ should provide more chances to young applicants among  differernt reasons, on the one hand, lacking of prior experience will allow them to learn new procedures more quickly ,as they will not have to forget old ones . On the other hand , compaines can save a large amount of money , using it to do other things.Overall , I apperciate companies choice the potiental group of people which probably make maximize profits in the future

elina_enjoylifeUID：2309987

10.17考T,这是偶写的第一篇作文.....(还是照着人家模板写的....)
偶的作文一向很烂的说.....实在不知道这样水平的作文能拿个几分
请超人们帮忙指点,有错的地方一一指出,本人必感激涕临啊....

148 Does playing games teach us about life?

Nowadays, a hot and important controversy centering playing games concerns whether playing games teaches us about life or not. A fair proportion of people contend that the children who addict themselves in the games would result in less concentration in study, other people, nevertheless, advocate that a variety of games would help develop the children's brains and intellegence.As far as I am concerned, I will side with the latter. Of the countless facts and reasons that strengthen my viewpoints, I will present the most consequential and conspicuous ones here.

The first plain truth, I am presenting here, is that games can improve the youth's interpersonnal and communication skills.In today's rapid developing society, no issue is more important than to contact with others and further improve our own capabilities in a certain area. Most of the games, raging from the games we play with the partners to those on the computers, have a progound influence on developing the children's ability of solving a serious problem in a particular situation. Therefore, so great is our passion to a success of the whole group in this competitive siciety, that we learn how to communicate and also cooperate with others from all kinds of games both in the actual life and in the games online.

Furthermore, behind my opinion that games improve the communication skills lies an equally important fact that the games are conductive to our creativity.Statistical reports from an research institude in Hong Kong have demonstrated that those who play the games more frequently are more creative than those who concentrate on the limited knowledge learned from school. If this result is accurate, as I believe it is, the implication is far-reaching. It might be reasonable to conclude that the ability to think independantly, to image, and to create will all bring out an all-round development of the students, which will be benecial for them when they attend the society.

Last but not least, playing games is also beneficial to many other areas. For example, the players will be more likely to understand the importance of responsibility, if the whole group's fate all depends on the performance of the player himself.What's more, they'll be aware of spirit of teamwork as well, which is of indispensable importance in the modern society.

Admittedly, as a proverb says, "Everything has two sides."playing game has its undeniable demerits.For example, playing games excessively will only result in the decline of the grades and, in this case, the students will forget their identity and responsibily.

In conclusion, despite some minor drawbacks,playing games appropreately is instrumental rather than detrimental to our growth.With the advantages of games, we have the promist both of greater leisure and of even greater intellectual riches. Undoubtedly, it will not fail to be a wiser and safer choice to play games.

破海沧澜UID：2401581

haomi

修改作文7

It is no doubt to enter the university is one of the most beautiful dreams haunting around our mind before we arrive there, however few of us can clearly explain why we desire for college, rather than advance stepping into society to acquire some skills or something, simply studying in university is our parents will can not be accounted, therefore, I will present some more specific reasons as follows,

（开头这里的陈述一定要简洁，这一点要注意。参照我重写的开头段，你会看到我在开头用了一些背景材料作为铺垫，其实这是一种很好的方式，但是值得注意的是语言之间的逻辑衔接一定要到位。

This is an information age, and our rapid progress, as no doubt, is accompanied by the accumulation of knowledge. With invention of printing and with the presence of colleges, modern beings have created a more civilized society than it ever was. Motivated by the desire to learn, currently a fair portion of people is yearning for college education, believing in the concept that knowledge is power. Nevertheless, from my own perspective, people tend to enter colleges for various other than a single reason, and colleges boast the strengths of academic books as well as their culture atmospheres. )

One of most compelling （A compelling argument or reason is one that convinces you that something is true or that something should be done.）reason why we go to university is (that) our universities just like gardens provide us fertile soil to plant our wishes, the excellent teachers in the university seems like experienced gardeners with their knowledgeable wisdom to instruct us how to cultivate our wish, help us to harvest our dream (比喻用得好！). Even if you do not have the seeds, our experienced mentor will selflessly provide a variety of seed for you to choose, more admirable is our responsible mentors also supply reasonable advice to you according to your ability, your special personality; so that you will receive is not only seed, but an suitable seed, also your forwarding directions, your dream. On the contrary, if you enter the complex society without directions and mentors, you will be trapped in this confused society with the feeling of lost on a large scale, more possible you will be induced into some snare of sin by some malicious people or others tempting factors. Compared with this complex society, colleges serve as a dutiful instructor, which prevent us from danger, transport us enough nutrients.  

（你这样的比喻性质的写法我还是第一次碰到，只要合乎英文的表达思维，我都是赞成的！不过我不敢肯定老外读的时候会不会别扭，反正我觉得还不错。你最好找老外帮你看一下，确保这种写法的安全性！）What is more （In addition= Furthermore）, since we have absorb the nutrients from university, our dream for （as） doctor, or professor, or engineer would be more accessible, the possibility for us to acquire a more respectable job becoming bigger, in that you will not only earn more, but also feel more successful when you share more responsibility due to your mighty power (不合理， mighty power 好象带有帝国的气息，不适合形容人。).（Mighty is used to describe something that is very large or powerful. (LITERARY)）Another benefit we can obtain from university is we have more chances to acquaint with friends sharing the same interest with us, also our social circle will become wider than simply staying at home, since the bird get together with same feather, it is no wonder we will more resistant from unhealthy influence from unhelpful people.Finally, based on all I have mentioned it not difficult to illustrated why we go to university, because universities provide us attractive atmosphere, where we can learn more knowledge and acknowledge more useful friends.

[ 本帖最后由 破海沧澜 于 2007-11-12 13:00 编辑 ]

破海沧澜UID：2401581

需要交流作文的同学， 可以将作文发上来！

haomiUID：2219690

谢谢LZ的辛勤劳动，其实这也是我第一次采用这样的方式写，我也不知道可不可以，我会尽快去确认一下的！
对了，以后还请多多关照啊！

zhoushengyuanlyUID：2246479

:loveliness: 寄托还有这样的雷锋

lucy0207UID：2344434

hi ,superman, you have revised an essay of mine, and i learn a lot, thanx !:)
can you check this essay for me ? thank you a lot !:)

Topic: do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to be a member of a group than to be the leader of a group.


I disagree with the statement that to be a member of a group is more preferable than to be a leader. As the leader of a team, not only can one have the right to decide where the team should go, but also have a better chance to develop good interpersonal skills to enhance the coherence of the team, and learn to think comprehensively as well, all of which would contribute to one’s future career.
  Firstly, it is a fact that the leader carries the responsibility of deciding the team’ direction, while the others just follow the guider. My uncle has worked as an engineer in WDP, a prosperous computer company, for almost 10 years. Currently, the company is in such a depression that even paying salaries to employees on time can not be guaranteed Everyday my uncle went back from work with the anxiety of the company. Once he told me that he had talked with his manager several times, and had given his own opinions about the company’ future, but none of them was treated seriously. I listened to his advices, and found them quite practical and useful. I do not intend to argue that my uncle hold the right side, but just want to point out the possibility that if my uncle was the manager, his solution might help the whole company return to the right track.
Secondly, as the leader of a team, one has a better chance to develop good interpersonal skills to enhance the coherence of the team. Once I built a team to attend a competition, which was a designing competition of starting an enterprise. Being the leader, when the team members felt hopeless, I stimulated them to move ahead; when they felt satisfied, I tried my best to make them work even harder. Thought we did not win the first place, I learned a lot from the process. Now I am more confident in dealing with the complex interpersonal relationships, thereby I can play an essential role in teamwork.
Finally, being a leader is the best way for us to gain a comprehensive thinking. Sound decision making is important to success. To decide which restaurant to celebrate our winning is simple enough by tossing a coin, while the decision of how to improve the team’s process is so complicated that we need a comprehensive thinking. A sheet will help a lot, by which we can list several relevant questions, such as “what can benefit all the team members?” or “What should I do for the show-learners in our team?” and seek the relative answer to each question. By think comprehensively, wise decisions are easier to reach and personal improvement can be achieved.
To conclude, being the leader of a group is far better than being a member. We will have more power, develop good communicate skills and learn to think comprehensively.

haomiUID：2219690

又要麻烦你了！

How do movies or television influence people's behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
The question of whether watching movies or television is beneficial to us has been debated fiercely through the years; some people hold the opinion that considerable violent or sex image from television contaminate our life environment and mind, while other concur with the opposite side of issue, personally, I will agree with the latter view.

First of all, we are more alerting and responsible about global issue such as global warming, terrorism, and universal education by receiving abundant information from television, would you fell surprised when my grandparents living in a far distance village called us to change our common lamp to energy-saving bulb as soon as possible, also suggested my father should go to work by bus or walking instead of driving his car? Few people would deny the efficiency of television on publicizing although sometimes it also present some fake image or overstate some facts, however, through television our awareness of public and world situation has been sharply increased, which can be easily proved by the fact that more and more people take part in volunteer group to help poor region’s children, more and more denotation have been gather from all the world to assist medical business, also more and more countries stand in the same line to resist the terrorism.

Another influence does television act on us is we become more active and courage and passionate than before, the fact that the appearance of various show program can easily demonstrate my opinion. Dramatic raising people are applying for giving performance under hundreds of millions of watchers eyes, to show their ability, to show their passion, even their dream. Myriads of dreams have been realized on this stage, which not trigger our interest, also our passion, and lure for success.

Therefore, as all I have mentioned, it is no wonder to say that television exert a significant effect on us, encourage us more positive, active, courage and passionate about our modern time, just let us go watching television.

eg_wqxabUID：2354648

第一次写，也没考过GRE，所以绝对不是lz说的自己满意的作文，因为还一点方向都没有
用了3个小时那么久...思维老是断续，还有13个typo，狂汗...
11月就实战，拜问lz我是不是没救了~~T.T
硬着头皮贴出来，恳求多给些意见啊~

另：文中凡是引语和数字都是瞎编的说，还有几个-wise 词都是自己造的，不知这样会不
会被考官狂鄙视  -.-;


65. Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them
and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons examples to suppo
rt you opinion.

In the last decade, China's economy has been galloping with such a crippling speed, which indicates that China's modern civilization has been now stimulated. As a country with thousands and thousands year's history, however, on the way to bring her population a modern life, China always has to decide whether historic buildings should be replace with new, modern ones. As for me, one of China's new generation, the decision does depend on a specific case, that is, which one of them means to us, our citizens, more.

We may first focus on historic buildings. What could an old building contribute to us?  First, seldom can a building be called historic if it has no historic values. The Forbidden City, the Baima Temple and the Stone Soldiers respectively have their own historic values as well as the Great Wall, which is even considered as the representation of China and its people. Confucius said:" We can tell whether a country is thriving or not from the comparison to its history." That means, not only can we know our history, such as where our ancestors come from, why we have those traditions, and how our country steps to the modern world, but also tell the situations we live today from history studies. In this way, historic buildings provide us with a wide variety of authentic evidences. Also, majority of these buildings have tremendous value in architecture. Dayan Tower is a good example. Woody cylinders form its skeleton; stone brick, its body; and fine clay, its surface. Isn't this tower, which has been standing there for over one thousand years, a  gigantic fortune for architects? Moreover, some historic buildings contribute to us their art value. Like famous Summer Palace, the symbols and pictures on each inch of its architectures form an prevalent style of Chinese art today.

On the other hand, modern buildings have their value in totally dissimilar aspects. Generally speaking, we usually estimate a new building according to its economic value. Whether a civil project deserve certain investment, both in finance and land, dramatically depends on how it would be beneficial to local inhabitants. Let's take Sanxia Project as an example, which invovles 2.3 million people to migrate from their hometowns. However, when it is completed, the project could serve over nine of hundred China’s population in a range of twenty-three provinces more than 100 years. Inevitably, some historic architectures are destroyed, but, considering life of the next few generations, it is definitely worthwhile. Quite often, a new building's social value is also concerned, such as an institute, a college or a statue of a hero. Sometimes, environmental values would be considered, as well as military values.

Considering all above factors, that is, by evaluating old and new buildings respectively-- the old ones, historywise, artwise, and architecturewise; and the new ones, economywise, socialwise, and environmentwise-- we can tell which one of them outweigh the other, and make our decision eventually but rationally.