xiangtuo的作文帖~~

xiangtuoUID：3047550

第一次写作文~第一次发帖~~纪念下~~

byebyehakuUID：3124349

改好了

byebyehakuUID：3124349

我来晚了  作文改好了就给你传上来

这是我的帖子 欢迎给我改
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1292096-13-1.html

junjunbillUID：3171847

:)嗨，我今天刚加入这个队伍，还不太熟悉如何上传附件所以只好粘过来啦！以下是我的修改，如有不妥之处欢迎随时商讨！
College orUniversity should offer more preparation before they start working

Today,with the development of the society, more and more students have the chance toenter in (删)universities.As a result, the competition among graduates was drastically fierce.Then, some people cite（还是用hold好） theopinion that college or university should offer more preparation beforegraduates starts working. So simplistic is their idea that it can bring morebenefit to their students and let them adapt to （adapt 作及物动词是使适应的意思）working successfully; such is my own ideathat the preparation should made by graduates themselves. Not only can they getpreparation tailored for themselves, but also in flexible time.
Admittedly,it is university or college’s duty to educate their students more suitable tothe society. However, it is an enormous and massive program. Seldom could theydo perfect on every aspect of the program for every major of the university.Only under certain circumstances when the major was so special and peculiar wouldthe university choose to offer more preparation uniformly could be sensible（这里是不是多余了？）
Furthermore,only when
the graduates prepare for themselvescan they realize more about their future. For instance, my brother, who hasbecome a chief manager, had puzzled when he was going to work. Other classmatesaccepted arrangement of the college to prepare being a computer engineer whilemy brother made up his mind to do management. The reason is simply（simple）, during the process of preparation, he understood thatmanagement would have a bright future and he didn’t suit for being as（删掉） a computer engineer（因为时间上有个先后关系，做工程师在搞管理之前，所以前后两句调换一下较好，he understood that he didn’t suit for being a computer engineer andmanagement career would have a bright future）. He was exactlyright. Have（has） he not determinedto do management, he would not have achieved success.
Moreover, students wouldhave more flexible time if they do the preparation themselves. I am a seniorstudent and I prefer to prepare for my future at home; only in this way could Iget more useful information for me. I enjoy the comfortable surroundings withfamily and convenient transportation; many graduates cites with me（应该是agree with吧）. It would disturb students’ own plan ifcollege’s going to hold meetings to offer more(没有比较，用many较好)
preparation.I could safely draw a conclusion that most senior students would not like toprepare for their future together with all the students.
Ina word, colleges and universities don’t need to offer more preparation for seniorstudents. It is better for both universities and graduates.

总体结构没有什么毛病，但是觉得开头有点长了，且短句较多。可以用从句连成一句，如more and more students have the chance to enter universities and thecompetition among graduates was drastically fierce，which leads to the opinion that college or university should offermore preparation before graduates starts working. 再如such is my own idea that making preparation by graduates would notonly get tailored for themselves, but also have more flexible time.
是否可以缩减点开头扩充一下论据？如第二个论点可以引用乔布斯入读俄亥俄州里德学院六个月后退学的例子。

xiangtuoUID：3047550

10.21 独立！
此11th 非彼11th~

薰叶初UID：3143366

看了你的作文,稍微改了一下.

xiangtuoUID：3047550

10.20 独立~

香草鱼UID：3125484

10月19日 作文修改

xiangtuoUID：3047550

10.19 独立！

xiangtuoUID：3047550

还有一个月就考试了！加油！！

永动鸡UID：3006486

7.18
Do you agree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept others' criticism cannot succeed.

In this contemporary era, with the advancement of the society, more and more people realize the importance of teamwork. As the result of that, people would like to achieve success as a team. However, a widespread controversy has been sparked. Someone believes that those who do not accept others' criticism cannot succeed in a team while someone argues versus. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the former (记得中学老师说 the +形容词表示一类人。语法没问题，但是放在这里语义有点问题；个人认为在former 后面加上view更妥)with my own idea.
As we all know, to succeed, perfect job should be done; a little mistake and fault may lead to a disaster. Just as the destroy of the Challenger, a mistake of radix point bring the explosion of the spacecraft. Others' criticism directly indicates that you make mistakes or get something wrong, and then you should find it and solve it; or I can safely get the conclusion that success couldn't be achieved.
Furthermore, others will lose heart to those people（指哪些人？） and won't help them if they are in trouble. No one could deny that the reason why team is composed is that team members can help each other forward. Consequently, one may lose the support from the other members and be isolated and solitary if others are disappointed to him.（意思能明白，但感觉有点生硬。） There is rarely success in evil things like this in human history.
Moreover, the people don't accept others' criticism is usually overweening who is hardly to make a hit. There have been countless examples throughout the history. Had the Hitler not been headstrong and self opinionated, his domination would not have been smashed. Hitler was a military genius but his overweening is the heel of Achilles to success.（这个例子有点问题：假如希特勒不自负，那他能获得成功？他的成功是什么？侵略成功？
这样说逻辑没问题，但不符合情理，最好举些正面的例子。） So, as far as I am concerned, the people don't accept others' criticism is hardly to achieve success.
In a nut shell, those who don't accept others' criticism in a team cannot succeed in the end for the three main reasons（还是断一下句子吧，写好长句的难度其实很大的，如果硬是接些句子，不仅结构复杂、而且不直观。Those who don’t accept other’s criticism in a team can hardly be successful, which could be explained mianly from three reasons:）, the barrier of mistakes, the process without others’ support and the disadvantage of personality.

抱歉，前一阵子在忙其他事，回复得晚了。
以上评论纯属个人观点。有则改之，无则加勉。

超级猴子UID：3023123

In this contemporary era, with the advancement of the society, more and more people realize the importance of teamwork. As the result of that, people would like to achieve success as a team. However, a widespread controversy has been sparked. Someone believes that those who do not accept others' criticism cannot succeed in a team while someone argues versus. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the former with my own idea.（模板感觉太重）
As we all know, to succeed, perfect job should be done; a little mistake and fault may lead to a disaster. Just as the destroy of the Challenger, a mistake of radix point bring the explosion of the spacecraft. Others' criticism directly indicates that you make mistakes or get something wrong, and then you should find it and solve it; or I can safely get the conclusion that success couldn't be achieved.（这个例子挺好的）
Furthermore, (加一句不接受别人批评的人会被别人厌恶而得不到支持，这样才显得连贯，一个those people让人云里雾里的)others will lose heart to those people and won't help them if they are in trouble. No one could deny that the reason why team is composed is that team members can help each other forward. Consequently, one may lose the support from the other members and be isolated and solitary if others are disappointed to him. There is rarely success in evil things like this in human history.
Moreover, the people don't accept others' criticism is usually overweening who is hardly to make a hit. There have been countless examples throughout the history. Had the Hitler not been headstrong and self opinionated, his domination would not have been smashed. Hitler was a military genius but his vanity(我查字典了，overweening就是一个形容词，没有动名词) is the heel of Achilles to success. So, as far as I am concerned, the people don't accept others' criticism is hardly to achieve success.
In a nut shell, those who don't accept others' criticism in a team cannot succeed in the end for the three main reasons, the barrier of mistakes, the lack of others’ support and the disadvantage of personality.
互助互助，共同进步

xiangtuoUID：3047550

7.18 独立~
好久不写 手都生疏了~拜托了！

xiangtuoUID：3047550

豆包归来~7.9一战后重整旗鼓准备二战！
发帖纪念~

应小呆UID：3109940

欢迎来改我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280678-1-1.html

Do you agree with the following statement? People holding different views cannot achieve success as a team.

In this contemporary era（this 和 contemporary 意思重复了）, with the advancement of the society, more and more people realize the importance of a team（of teamwork?）. As the result of that, more and more people would love to achieve success as a team. However, someone argues that people holding different views in a team cannot achieve success in the end. I don't agree with that with my own points.

Admittedly, people holding different opinions in a team may impact the monolithic solidarity of their team. But that could be overcomed under(by?否则逻辑上that没有主语了) the influence of leaderships. And actually, that（指代不明） brings more benefits than harm. * w1 V. Q1 T( _

In reality, they would get a comprehensive viewpoint from the controversy（从词义上来说不太恰当呢） of the （不明白为什么要特指）different ideas. The reason why team members would hold different viewpoints is that they consider the same question from the（为什么要特指？） diverse aspects（因为diverse各种各样的，所以一定不是一种）. If they could combine the different points（different 应该不止有一个，只有一个就是same了） and obtain a perfect one, they may achieve the（为什么要特指？） success more effectively. Just as my team. We always hold the opposite points, but our leader would absorb the advantages from the two points and achieve a better one. That's the key of the success of our team.

Moreover, the（a?因为这里讨论的是泛指意义上的team不是某一个） team would success because its members are active enough as they are willing to think（are active enough to be willing to think?我觉得这样更地道些~）. No one could deny that the activity plays a vital role in a successful team. Only if the members are willing to and dare to figure out（figure out 的意思主要是算出、想出、解决不知道豆包用的是哪一个，不太明白这句话的意思喵。 但是 only if 的倒装句用的很好~我得记下来~） different views could the team really advance towards success. Had the team of Einstein not been active enough, they would not have discovered the theory of relativity. （不是爱因斯坦一个人发现的？）

/ J8 {% Y7 q% y' T;
Z
In a nut shell, people hold different views could achieve success as the members Unified leadership（不太明白，是不是 as the members of a team under a unified leadership?）, thinking comprehensively and being active enough.（不太明白什么意思？）

豆包你似乎对the有种不可抑制的执念呢，O(∩_∩)O~