ISSUE38 书还是电视重要?

728AWUID：2216408

TOPIC38:In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
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OUTLINE:
部分承认论题
1.书还是重要滴,因为它陪伴我们时间最长
2.书还是重要滴,因为它比电视更便携
3.电视也在一些情况重要,比如突发事件上
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这个是修改我以前写过的一个的,按照昨天+给提的意见来的,可是感觉自己论证还是不深入...再次麻烦+给看一下啦.

语言幼稚这个问题简直是让我太惭愧了.....
不知道还剩20天多读些别人文章会不会有起色....-_____-b
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Currently there is a growing feeling that television emerges as a relatively new form of learning that poses a continuous threat to books. People claims that it is in the age of high technology and watching television can play the same important part, or even a more important part than, reading books in people’s daily learning. Although I basically agree with the speaker’s viewpoint, I would take exception with the claim when it comes to some certain aspects..
In the first place, books which accompanies us for the longest time contributes to the most part of our knowledge. Take the text book in elementary school for example, they teach us the basic knowledge that can build up the structures in our whole life of learning. Later when one is accepted in a college to further his or her knowledge, either spending time in the library or gasp the knowledge of a certain course from the textbook is the way to learn from books. Since no TV play could show you the periodic table of elements instead of soap opera or scandals of a famous pop star for the sake of audience rating.
Furthermore, books still play a significant role in the process of learning due to its portability. It is a common sense that even in the highly developed society, televisions are far less portable than books for people to carry around. One can carry a book around he/she and therefore to spend a meaningful and substantial traveling with the interesting context in the book. Only when one stays in one place without moving can he/she learn something from television  as he/she wishes because it is so large and heavy that it can not be moved freely.
However, admittedly, there is no denying the fact that the latest news we learn is from the more immediate media-the television. Under the highly developed technology society, people have a more direct way to have an access to learning. The 911 event gives an appropriate example to show that through the television people have chances to be aware of what is going on in the whole world at the same time as the people in the locale. Meanwhile, the books can only provide the abstracted information that happened in the past. Nevertheless, Television, which is much more controlled by the government, seldom can tell exactly whatever happened in the modern society due to its commitment that it must be supervised by the country and that it should serve for its country to show the best aspect of its country. Comparing with television, books are less controlled by anyone. Everyone has the right to publish a book with whatever he/she want to write and communicate the information with others who read the book. That is to say, the information in the books is original while what the television tells the audience is filtrated.
From what I discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that books is still playing a dominant role even in the age of television for their convenience. Meanwhile, I appreciate the instantaneous way of learning that the televisions bring to us.

[ 本帖最后由 728AW 于 2006-7-15 21:58 编辑 ]

runningpiggyUID：194977

seat taken...

runningpiggyUID：194977

Currently there is a growing feeling[这个词不好，用belief你看如何] that television emerges as a relatively new form of learning that poses a continuous threat to books. People claims that it is in the age of high technology and watching television can play the same[equally] important part, or even a more important part than, reading books in people’s daily learning. Although I basically agree with the speaker’s viewpoint, I would take exception with the claim when it comes to some certain aspects. [所谓的certain aspects应该用几个词概括一下并在这个论点句里有所提及，给读者一个比较好的心理准备，而且自己写起来也会觉得舒服点。另外就是你agree issue中的观点，可是这观点是什么也是应该写出来，如果你觉得跟前面的restate有些重复，那就别写那么多去restate了]

In the first place, books which accompanies us for the longest time contributes to the most part of our knowledge.[most of our knowledge才对吧？不错的分论点] Take the text book in elementary school for example,[例子来得太突然，最好能在例子前面阐述一下你支持分论点的理由是什么，或者仅仅把分论点作一定展开也是好的] they teach us the basic knowledge that can build up the structures in our whole life of learning.[我觉得你的意思应该是作为人们以后学习的基础，你这样写我感觉有点问题，给个我的版本，people absorb the primary knowledge that will serve as the basis of their learning in future] Later when one is accepted in a college to further his or her knowledge, either spending time in the library or gasp[似乎应该是grasp] the knowledge of a certain course from the textbook is the way to learn from books. Since no TV play could show you the periodic table of elements instead of soap opera or scandals of a famous pop star for the sake of audience rating. [没有结尾的段落，最后无论如何都要重复一下主题，说你前面写的那些论据都能证明你的分论点，不管是不是真的能证明，有的人看中间看得晕乎乎不知道你说的啥，可看到后面你说你中间那些东西都是能证明观点的，那他们就觉得你说的很对了。另外就是具体论述上，你仔细看一下你文章里说到的那些东西跟你的分论点所说的books提供了我们知识中的大部分是不是相关联的。据我的理解，文中的论述只是在说books是我们获得知识的一个重要手段，而跟你的分论点还是有点偏离，需要你把你说的引导到真正的观点上]

Furthermore, books still play a significant role in the process of learning due to its port[portable吧？]ability. It is a common sense that even in the highly developed society, televisions are far less portable than books for people to carry around. One can carry a book around he/she[宾格] and therefore to spend a meaningful and substantial traveling[travel就好了] with the interesting context[content，回去查查context是啥意思] in the book. Only when one stays in one place without moving can he/she learn something from television as he/she wishes because it is so large and heavy that it can not be moved freely. [看完这段的感觉是语言实在需要加强，还有就是这样的一段不会太单薄了么？加起来都没几句话，book的portable的特点可以再往深处写，比如book是比TV更容易流传等等，文中写一个人可以在旅游的途中看书，我觉得应该对比地写一下他不可能在旅游的途中看电视。其实book还有不少特点都没有写出来，跟TV对比，对于book的知识的掌握的速度完全是由个人决定的，而个人无法控制电视中东西出来的速度，很多人会跟不上。或者，book中体现的作者的思维，看法，价值观，都是无法从TV中获取的，等等后面的自己发挥]

However, admittedly,[这两个词有一个就够了，这么写搞得像GRE阅读] there is no denying the fact that the latest news we learn is from the more immediate media-the television.[这个观点就概括得不好了，感觉深度不够] Under the highly developed technology[technology多余] society, people have a more direct way to have an access to learning. The 911 event gives[serves as或者gives us] an appropriate example to show[太low的一个词，illustrate或者demonstrate或者illuminate就牛多了] that through the television people have chances to be aware of what is going on in the whole[whole多余] world at the same time as the people in the locale.[the people in the locale改成the local] Meanwhile, the[不要the] books can only provide the abstracted[abstract，回去查查abstracted是啥意思] information that happened in the past. Nevertheless, Television[首字母怎么大写了，低级错误], [这个地方插个同位语如何？同位语套定从一直没看见，这里就是最好的机会了。television, a modern kind of mass media which后面跟你现在写的东西]which is much more controlled by the government, seldom[出现seldom即可倒装，自己想想] can tell exactly whatever happened in the modern society due to its commitment that it must be supervised by the country and that it should serve for its country to show the best aspect of its country.[这话美国人大概不会太喜欢看] Comparing[过去分词] with television, books are less controlled by anyone.[by anyone不需要，如果觉得control刚刚才用过，换个restricted之类的] Everyone has the right to publish a book with whatever he/she want to write and communicate the information with others who read the book. That is to say, the information in the books is original while what the television tells the audience is filtrated. [明明是要写TV的好的，为什么要加入这些写book比较好的内容进去呢？这些东西应该出现在前面那两段。段首的分论点说这段的大意是写TV及时性这一点的，可是后面引出了很多别的东西，思维有点太发散了。还有究竟怎么写及时性的这一点，还需斟酌，文中有一点写得很好就是说book是提供以往的知识，之所以说这个写得好是因为我认为要写TV的及时性只能通过跟book的比较才好写，不然肯定是干巴巴地说一些例子]

From what I discussed above,[多余的一句] we could safely reach the conclusion that books is still playing a dominant role even in the age of television for their convenience.[跟开头一样，说说是因为那几个方面的特点导致这个结论的，就说几个词就好了] Meanwhile, I appreciate the instantaneous way of learning that the televisions bring to us. [不错的结尾]


[跟昨天改的文章相比有不少进步，至少语言上会好一些，不过还是没什么好的句式，排比，倒装，虚拟，强调全都没有，甚至同位语套定从都没看到，还有多准备些常用的可以换用的词，这里面有些做的挺好的，看到了significant和dominant，不会通篇important，还有些别的也要多准备，不然总用那些词真的是让人看得很不爽的。文章结构还需加强，时刻注意例子后需要分析，文章结尾需要总结，结构写好了至少会有基本的分数了。逻辑还是不够严密。整体来说还行，继续努力吧]

苯石UID：2169611

728AW是版主的亲戚吗?
要有人这么给我该, 我睡觉还笑醒了的说.

NEU公孙轩辕UID：2697609

学习中.......

anomnayUID：2763206

Television offers people a more convenience method to learning comparing with books, but that will not subsequentially make reading book less important. Book-reading has its own advantages in the following three domains: Firstly, books focus on specific knowledge in detail, while television reports events with popularity. Secondly, books leave space for reader to imagine and think author's point of view over. Thirdly, reading book is the best way to improve one's reading skill, the importance of which could not be underestimated even in a fast-developing modern society.
    Admittedly, the prevalence of television is a huge leap for news spread. For one thing, people get information quicker and easier, let alone live broadcast makes it is possible for ordinary citizens to watch, space-walking, for instance, as experiencing it. For the other thing, one would expect almost everything from television programs. There are shows exhibiting wild animals' most secret life, shows teaching how to cook and even a program about take advantage of medium including television to gather information efficiently.
    However, television still has some intrinsic shortness, while the advantages of book-reading perfectly fix it. The following three points present the importance of book-reading that cannot be denied:
     To begin with, books focus on useful and specific knowledge rather than just popular anecdotes. Television honestly offers a variety of programs as mentioned above, but it cannot satisfy people with professional need yet. Books, on the contrary, are sophisticatedly selected by editors. Additionally, books may not have catchy scene instead leave spaces for reader to imagine their favorite characters’ looks or destiny. New Year’s Eve on time square reported on the television is the same to thousands of audiences, while the firework night of hobbits is difference to every single reader. Finally, book-reading is the best way to practice reading skill. Junior readers learn grammars and enlarge their vocabulary during reading. It is also reported that the more one read, the fast he can read. AND the faster one can read, the more information and useful details he can get. Even in this modern society, reading is still one of basic skills that influence daily life and a moment of life or death.   
     To sum up, the age of television change people’s life by offering a more convenience method to gather information and there’s no doubt that people learn much through television. But books still have considerable benefits, as specific focus, space to imagine and the best way to improve reading skill, that promise reading book a essential role in modern society. Television and books are both importance and useful tool for learning, and it is wise to chose one of the two case by case.

anomnayUID：2763206

38很多文都落在了‘重要上’或忽略了题目认为重要的原因‘学习’。 所以把我的文发出来， 请大家指教。