issue41 [背水一战]_第一篇issue,累到吐血

flaflagogoUID: 2280642

issue41 "Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
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提纲:
1 占星术,预言等非主流研究能够帮助人们对未来充满信心
2 非主流研究能满足人们对未知事物的好奇心
3 尽管很多人指出非主流学科的研究缺乏科学性,但是却没办法彻底推翻它
4 非主流学科存在发展缓慢等难题
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J.P. Morgan, one of the best famous bankers in the world, once said "Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do!" Nancy Reagan, the former first lady of the United States, took the advice of astrologers to make the schedule for her husband. Even the greatest scientist, Newton, showed his extensive interest in astrology and other areas of mysteries beyond science. Not only these notabilities, but one can also easily find his friends, his family, or even himself, is influenced by astrology, fortune-telling, or some paranormal pursuits. Many such examples reflect one reality: these nonmainstream areas of inquiry do play a vital role in society. It is because our human natures tend to resort to supernatural forces to meet our needs which are not addressed by mainstream science.

People are born to be anxious about the unknown future. When a girl falls in love with a boy, she may ask for the assurance whether she has found her true love. When a enterpriser makes an important business decision, he may ask for the assurance whether he has made the right choice. And when a job seeker prepares to attend an interview, he may ask for the assurance whether he has the fortune to get the job. All these kinds of psychological desires can not be satisfied by mainstream science. But the vague prediction which comes from the astrologer or the fortune-teller may help these people to set their hearts at rest, even though some of them may not quite believe in the nonmainstream studies.

Another kind of needs the mainstream science may not fulfill currently is that people want to seek a reasonable explanation for everything happens around them. They show great interests in the mysterious phenomena such as crop circles, psychic photographs, the abilities of precognition and so on. Although some of these phenomena were proved untrue, scientists from the mainstream areas cannot give convincing explanations on the rest. To cater for people's curiosity, investigators from nonmainstream areas try to make those strange phenomena clear, or at least glean them together for the further study.  

Some objectors most of whom are scientists may argue that nonmainstream inquiries are unscientific. They claim that nonmainstream areas will lead the society to be a totaly mess. Though they hold a negative attitude to the studies of nonmainstream areas all the time, they failed to provide sufficient evidences to pull them down. As for me, I believe what is actual is rational and what is rational is actual. Unless mainstream science takes the place of its counterpart to meet what people need, nonmainstream studies will not end up.

However, it is not to say nonmainstream areas inquiries have nothing to worry about. There are many problems with the progress in nonmainstream areas. Take astrology for example. In the ancient times, we can call astrology a mainstream study; but for now, it has lost its leading position in the academia. Investigators from nonmainstream areas should take a more positive attitude, create a more reasonable criterion, and make more efforts to lead nonmainstream studies out of the mire, or else their studies will never get rid of prejudice from others.



啊~~~~~~~~好痛苦的第一篇issue啊!我足足写了一天~~~~~~~
连最后结论都没有能力写了.不过我觉得写成这样大概没有结论也可以吧,一定要有in sum吗?

[ 本帖最后由 flaflagogo 于 2007-2-1 13:25 编辑 ]

lourryUID: 2157624

J.P. Morgan, one of the best famous bankers in the world, once said "Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do!" Nancy Reagan, the former first lady of the United States, took the advice of astrologers to make the schedule for her husband. Even the greatest scientist, Newton, showed his extensive interest in astrology and other areas of mysteries beyond science. Not only these notabilities, (but )one can (also)easily find his friends, his family, or even himself, is (are?)influenced by astrology, fortune-telling, or some paranormal pursuits. Many such(好像应该是Such many吧) examples reflect one reality: these nonmainstream areas of inquiry do play a vital role in society. It is because our human natures tend to resort to(呵呵，这个应该和tend to turn to 差不多吧。) supernatural forces to meet our needs which are not addressed by mainstream science.

People are born to be anxious about the unknown future. When a girl falls in love with a boy, she may ask (感觉应该加上nonmainstream areas)for the assurance whether she has found her true love. When a enterpriser makes an important business decision, he may ask for the assurance whether he has made the right choice. And when a job seeker prepares to attend an interview, he may ask for the assurance whether he has the fortune to get the job. All these kinds of psychological desires can not be satisfied by mainstream science. But the vague prediction which comes from the astrologer or the fortune-teller may help these people to set their hearts at rest, even though some of them may not quite believe in the nonmainstream studies.(英文中的排比，我是不太敢用呵)

Another kind of needs the mainstream science may not fulfill currently is that people want to seek a reasonable explanation for everything happens (应该用进行时吧，感觉用occuring好一点)around them. They show great interests in the mysterious phenomena such as crop circles, psychic photographs, the abilities of precognition and so on. Although some of these phenomena were proved untrue, scientists from the mainstream areas cannot give convincing explanations on the rest. To cater for people's curiosity, investigators from nonmainstream areas try to make those strange phenomena clear, or at least gather them together (感觉用glean更好吧)for the further study.  

Some objectors most of whom are scientists may argue that nonmainstream inquiries are unscientific. Though they hold a negative attitude to the studies of nonmainstream areas all the time, they failed to provide sufficient evidences to pull them down. As for me, I believe what is actual is rational and what is rational is actual. Unless mainstream science takes the place of its counterpart to meet what people need, nonmainstream studies will not end up.

However, it is not to say nonmainstream areas inquiries have nothing to worry about. There are many problems with the progress in nonmainstream areas. Take astrology for example. In the ancient times, we can call astrology a mainstream study; but for now, it has lost its leading position in the academia. Investigators from nonmainstream areas should take a more positive attitude, create a more reasonable criterion, and make more efforts to lead nonmainstream studies out of the mire, or else their studies will never get rid of prejudice from others.

最后还是应该重申一下非主流对社会的重要性为好呵。（个人意见）

我想，你的观点应该是同意原观点：these nonmainstream areas of inquiry do play a vital role in society.感觉上，第4段论证力度不够：你应该是想说明如果非主流存在的话就是有意义的。但是，有意义的话并不代表起重要作用呵。（应该要证明它非常有意义，才能等于起vital的作用吧）。
呵呵，可能是因为对原题的理解不同造成的呵。
我觉得vital：生死攸关的, 重大的, 生命的, 生机的, 至关重要的, 所必需的（金山2007），我也查了一下韦氏，我理解好像基本上也是这个意思吧。如下：
1 a : existing as a manifestation of life  b : concerned with or necessary to the maintenance of life  *vital organs*  *blood and other vital fluids*
2 : full of life and vigor  : ANIMATED
3 : characteristic of life or living beings
4 a : fundamentally concerned with or affecting life or living beings: as  (1) : tending to renew or refresh the living  : INVIGORATING  (2) : destructive to life  : MORTAL  b : of the utmost importance  *a vital clue*  *vital resources*
5 : recording data relating to lives
6 : of, relating to, or constituting the staining of living tissues
synonyms see ESSENTIAL
  杤i?al?y \-t*l-*\  adverb  

呵呵，加油！另外，谢谢你的宝贵意见呵！:loveliness:

flaflagogoUID: 2280642

参考了一下你的意见.
觉得在思考原题时确实存在一些问题.就是说altough nonmainstream play a role, it does not play a vital role
打算把原作重新改改了,需要动个大手术了,呵呵
另外觉得自己对于语法,语言表述这一部分还很欠缺,有些只能参考别人文章来写,5555555555

lourryUID: 2157624

我也是呵，很多都是查考别人文章写的~~~
另外，我觉得你的语法挺好的呀，没什么问题呵~
语言，大家都差不多，还是要慢慢积累呵~
一起努力呵?:)

[ 本帖最后由 lourry 于 2007-1-30 10:43 编辑 ]

jw84UID: 2283839

J.P. Morgan, one of the best famous bankers in the world, once said "Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do!" Nancy Reagan, the former first lady of the United States, took the advice of astrologers to make the schedule for her husband. Even the greatest scientist, Newton, showed his extensive interest in astrology and other areas of mysteries beyond science.（果然非同凡响，确实例子很多） Not only these notabilities, but one can also easily find his friends, his family, or even himself, is influenced by astrology, fortune-telling, or some paranormal pursuits. Many such examples reflect one reality: these nonmainstream areas of inquiry do play a vital role in society. It is because our human natures tend to resort to supernatural forces to meet our needs which are not addressed by mainstream science.（开头不错，用例子加观点）

People are born to be anxious about the unknown future. When a girl falls in love with a boy, she may ask for the assurance whether she has found her true love. When a enterpriser makes an important business decision, he may ask for the assurance whether he has made the right choice. And when a job seeker prepares to attend an interview, he may ask for the assurance whether he has the fortune to get the job. All these kinds of psychological desires can not be satisfied by mainstream science. But the vague prediction which comes from the astrologer or the fortune-teller may help these people to set their hearts at rest, even though some of them may not quite believe in the nonmainstream studies.作为论证过程，如果把　(All these)many kinds of psychological desires can not be satisfied by mainstream science 放在段首要好一些，因为感觉这句话的意思大概才是这段的topic sentence(TS). 给考官很明确的暗示。我这段话是围绕这句话来展开的。

Another kind of needs the mainstream science may not fulfill currently is that people want to seek a reasonable explanation for everything happens around them. They show great interests in the mysterious phenomena such as crop circles, psychic photographs, the abilities of precognition and so on. Although some of these phenomena were proved untrue, scientists from the mainstream areas cannot give convincing explanations on the rest. To cater for people's curiosity, investigators from nonmainstream areas try to make those strange phenomena clear, or at least glean them together for the further study.  


Some objectors most of whom are scientists may argue that nonmainstream inquiries are unscientific. They clame(claim) that nonmainstream areas will lead the society to be a totaly mess. Though they hold a negative attitude to the studies of nonmainstream areas all the time, they failed to provide sufficient evidences to pull them down. As for me, I believe what is actual is rational and what is rational is actual.(可以说很多人都有这样的想法，都这么觉得，比光说自己更有说服力） Unless mainstream science takes the place of its counterpart to meet what people need, nonmainstream studies will not end up.

However, it is not to say nonmainstream areas inquiries have nothing to worry about. There are many problems with the progress in nonmainstream areas. Take astrology for example. In the ancient times, we can call astrology a mainstream study; but for now, it has lost its leading position in the academia. Investigators from nonmainstream areas should take a more positive attitude, create a more reasonable criterion, and make more efforts to lead nonmainstream studies out of the mire, or else their studies will never get rid of prejudice from others.
我觉得少一个结尾，至少一两句话再总结一下自己的观点
文章的脉络非常清晰，让人一看就知道每段在讲什么，表达也很流利，语言很不错。
像这样的文章，如果单纯的肯定非主流科学，这样来写，难度很大，论证难度大，这篇文章感觉论证的角度很好，但力度少了一点。是不是可以考虑写成一篇肯定多，否定少的论点的文章。正反论证，比如最后再提提主流科学的作用或者非主流科学的弊端，这样来写，文章就要好写的多。

flaflagogoUID: 2280642

呵呵,这篇文章我是下了大力气查的资料的,所以可能会有一些例子吧........以后可就不保证能写这么好了:(
你的点评给了我不少信心,呵呵,3X
首先说一下第二段那个关于TS的问题吧.
我之所以没有把它放段首,主要是因为第一段的结尾刚刚写完差不多一样的话,再写觉得有点罗嗦,索性就把它拽后面去跟第3段呼应去了.
对于每段应该有TS我是很清楚的,放在段首比较好,我也是绝大部分承认的,以后会向这方面努力的:)

还有就是第4段,写着写着就没自信了.确实如你所说强调非主流怎么怎么好太难了,我有打算重写一篇,换个视角来写的.
最后,非常非常感谢你的点评~~~~~~~~~:)

kylinUID: 2242436

J.P. Morgan, one of the best famous bankers in the world, once said "Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do!" Nancy Reagan, the former first lady of the United States, took the advice of astrologers to make the schedule for her husband. Even the greatest scientist, Newton, showed his extensive interest in astrology and other areas of mysteries beyond science. Not only these notabilities, but one can also easily find his friends, his family, or even himself,（这里最好用he/she的表达，因为据说美国相当重视女权的，而且说搞不好碰到批卷的是个女权主义者就麻烦了呵呵） is influenced by astrology, fortune-telling, or some paranormal pursuits. Many such examples reflect one reality: these nonmainstream areas of inquiry do play a vital role in society. It is because our human natures tend to resort to supernatural forces to meet our needs which are not addressed by mainstream science.（开头赞！！例子与陈述都很好吖呵呵）
People are born to be anxious about the unknown future. When a girl falls in love with a boy, she may ask for the assurance whether she has found her true love. When a （an） enterpriser makes an important business decision, he may ask for the assurance whether he has made the right choice. And when a job seeker prepares to attend an interview, he may ask for the assurance whether he has the fortune to get the job. All these kinds of psychological desires can not be satisfied by mainstream science. But the vague prediction which comes from the astrologer or the fortune-teller may help these people to set their hearts at rest, even though some of them may not quite believe in the nonmainstream studies. (写得很好吖！但是关于英文排比，个人感觉和中文那种全一致排比不同，它是保持大意的递进和框架的一致，但在词汇和句式会有稍微不同)
Another kind of needs the mainstream science may not fulfill currently is that people want to seek a reasonable explanation for everything happens around them. They show great interests in the mysterious phenomena such as crop circles, psychic photographs, the abilities of precognition and so on. Although some of these phenomena were proved untrue, scientists from the mainstream areas cannot give convincing explanations on the rest. To cater for people's curiosity, investigators from nonmainstream areas try to make those strange phenomena clear, or at least glean them together for the further study.  
Some objectors most of whom are scientists may argue that nonmainstream inquiries are unscientific. They claim that nonmainstream areas will lead the society to be a totally （totally） mess. Though they hold a negative attitude to the studies of nonmainstream areas all the time, they failed to provide sufficient evidences (evidence 不用复数的) to pull them down. As for me, I believe what is actual is rational and what is rational is actual （哈哈这句话太可爱了）. Unless mainstream science takes the place of its counterpart to meet what people need, nonmainstream studies will not end up.
However, it is not to say nonmainstream areas inquiries have nothing to worry about. There are many problems with the progress in nonmainstream areas. Take astrology for example. In the ancient times, we can call astrology a mainstream study; but for now, it has lost its leading position in the academia. Investigators from nonmainstream areas should take a more positive attitude, create a more reasonable criterion, and make more efforts to lead nonmainstream studies out of the mire, or else their studies will never get rid of prejudice from others.

看完感觉就一个字：赞！呵呵语言相当好的说～～例子也很到位没啥建议提了～～学习ing`` 呵呵