issue130 --[076g--背水一战小组] duduhaha的第二篇拙作,请大家指点！

duduhahaUID: 2273118

Issue 130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
提纲:
观点：孩子的社会化对于整个社会来说的确很重要，但这并不是唯一的因素，而且人们已经学会了怎样去培养孩子去更好的建设未来社会。
1. 解释社会化，承认孩子的社会化对于社会的重要性。
2. 指出孩子的社会化不是决定社会的唯一因素，除了社会化之外还有许多因素决定着社会未来的命运。
3. 从社会的发展与进步来看，人们已经学会了怎样培养孩子去更好的建设未来社会——教育。虽然方法还不够完善，但已经对建设社会起了很大的作用。
It makes good sense that children's socialization plays an important role in society's  development. However, we couldn't turn a blind eye to other key factors that are also vital to our  society. And the claim that we have not learned how to raise children is not unreasonable when we take education into account carefully.

First of all, what's the definition of socialization? Basically, socialization is a general term for the many different ways and processes by which children come to be able to  behave as members of society. In this kind of process, children imitate the way adults talk and  act, set relationship with their peers and find their own positions in the big world. It's  socialization that helps children grow up to be good citizens and tolerant and respectful members  of society. On the contrary, children who rarely interact with people will find it hard to get  along with others as they grow up.

However, socialization is only one factor which contribute to a better society. It is considered by Philosophers that social character is only one of the many characters human have. Other than socialization, there are numerous characters that may determine one’s destiny such as belief, talent, disposition, education and so forth. We need look no farther than the case of  Einstein, the famous physicist in the world. His contribution was primarily ascribed to his  talents and devoted research, which benefit  less from socialization. Countless figures in the  history have made their impression in the world, who would guarantee that they are all well  socialized? Something important, including personal effort, world peace, and environmental  protection serves to construct a better society at the same time.

When it comes to how to raise children, our education has done a good job toward it, though there  is shortcomings in it. One apt illustration comes as more and more educators come to realize it's  very important to develop children's independent character. Parents require their children to  complete their own housework at home. In the school, children are encouraged to learn what they  like and tackle difficulty by themselves. In fact, the essential moralities, such as justice,  honesty and braveness, have never been neglected by the educators. Although we can't allege our  theory of education is perfect, at any rate we're not utterly unaware of  how to raise children  to serve our society.

In sum, we can't neglect other important factors that contribute to our society and the efforts  people have devoted to children's education. Actually, people have achieved lots of accomplishments  in education and what we need do is to make it better.

[ 本帖最后由 duduhaha 于 2007-2-1 22:03 编辑 ]

SkysijieUID: 2233317

Issue130
Issue 130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
提纲:
观点：孩子的社会化对于整个社会来说的确很重要，但这并不是唯一的因素，而且人们已经学会了怎样去培养孩子去更好的建设未来社会。
1. 解释社会化，承认孩子的社会化对于社会的重要性。
2. 指出孩子的社会化不是决定社会的唯一因素，除了社会化之外还有许多因素决定着社会未来的命运。
3. 从社会的发展与进步来看，人们已经学会了怎样培养孩子去更好的建设未来社会——教育。虽然方法还不够完善，但已经对建设社会起了很大的作用。

It makes good sense that children's socialization plays an important role in society's  development. However, we couldn't turn a blind eye （这个表达不错）to other key factors that are also vital to our  society. And the claim that we have not learned how to raise children is not unreasonable when we take education into account carefully.（开头不错，个人比较喜欢）

First of all, what's the definition of socialization? Basically, socialization is ageneral？？？ term for the 去掉the many different ways and processes by which children come to be able to  function怎么用这个词？ as members of society. In this kind of process, children imitate the way adults talk and  act, set relationship with their peers and find their own positions in the big world. It's  socialization that helps children grow up to be good citizens and tolerant and respectful members  of society. On the contrary, children who rarely interact with people will find it hard to get  along with others as they grow up.

However, socialization is加the only one factor which contribute to a better society. It is considered by Philosophers that social character is only one of the many characters human have. Other than socialization, there are numerous characters that may determine one’s destiny such as belief, talent, disposition, education and so forth. We need look no farther than the case of  Einstein, the famous physicist in the world. His contribution was primarily ascribed to his  talents and devoted research, which benefit  less from socialization. Countless figures in the  history have made their impression in the world, who would guarantee that they are all well  socialized? Something important, including personal effort, world peace, and environmental  protection serves to construct a better society at the same time.

When it comes to how to raise children, our education has done a good job toward it, though there  is shortcomings in it. One apt illustration comes as more and more educators come to realize it's  very important to develop children's independent character. Parents require their children to  complete their own housework at home. In the school, children are encouraged to learn what they  like and tackle difficulty by themselves. In fact, the essential moralities, such as justice,  honesty and braveness, have never been neglected by the educators. Although we can't allege our  theory of education is perfect, at any rate we're not utterly unaware of  how to raise children  to serve our society.

In sum, we can't neglect other important factors that contribute to our society and the efforts  people have devoted to children's education. Actually, people have achieved lots of accomplishments  in education and what we need do is to make it better.

时间实在是不够了，总的看了一下，有些语法的错误，论证还是可以的。明天仔细来看看，见谅！！！！

[ 本帖最后由 Skysijie 于 2007-2-1 21:57 编辑 ]

yangbay8UID: 2277107

It makes good sense that children's socialization plays an important role in society's  development. However, we couldn't turn a blind eye to other key factors that are also vital to our  society. And the claim that we have not learned how to raise children is not unreasonable when we take education into account carefully.

First of all, what's the definition of socialization? Basically, socialization is a general term for the many different ways and processes by which children come to be able to  behave as members of society. In this kind of process, children imitate the way adults talk and  act, set relationship with their peers and find their own positions in the big world. It's  socialization that helps children grow up to be good citizens and tolerant and respectful members  of society. On the contrary, children who rarely interact with people will find it hard to get  along with others as they grow up.

However, socialization is only one factor which contribute to a better society. It is considered by Philosophers that social character is only one of the many characters human have. Other than socialization, there are numerous characters that may determine one’s destiny such as belief, talent, disposition, education and so forth. We need look no farther than the case of  Einstein, the famous physicist in the world. His contribution was primarily ascribed to his  talents and devoted research, which benefit  less from socialization. Countless figures in the  history have made their impression in the world, who would guarantee that they are all well  socialized? Something important, including personal effort, world peace, and environmental  protection serves to construct a better society at the same time.
有个衔接最好，这样很生硬
When it comes to how to raise children, our education has done a good job toward it, though there  is shortcomings in it. One apt illustration comes as more and more educators come to realize it's  very important to develop children's independent character. Parents require their children to  complete their own housework at home. In the school, children are encouraged to learn what they  like and tackle difficulty by themselves. In fact, the essential moralities, such as justice,  honesty and braveness, have never been neglected by the educators. Although we can't allege our  theory of education is perfect, at any rate we're not utterly unaware of  how to raise children  to serve our society.

In sum, we can't neglect other important factors that contribute to our society and the efforts  people have devoted to children's education. Actually, people have achieved lots of accomplishments  in education and what we need do is to make it better.

思路清晰，行文较为流畅，语言也不错  duduhaha兄文笔依旧隽永！
多写，多挖掘例子，加油！

jw84UID: 2283839

It makes good sense that children's socialization plays an important role in society's  development. However, we couldn't turn a blind eye to other key factors that are also vital to our  society. And the claim that we have not learned how to raise children is not unreasonable when we take education into account carefully.很欣赏你简洁清晰的表达

First of all, what's the definition of socialization? Basically, socialization is a general term for the many different ways and processes by which children come to be able to  behave as members of society. In this kind of process, children imitate the way adults talk and  act, set relationship with their peers and find their own positions in the big world. It's  socialization that helps children grow up to be good citizens and tolerant and respectful members  of society. (笔误吧）On the contrary, children who rarely interact with people will find it hard to get  along with others as they grow up.（这句话表达的意思和前面的意思不是对立的关系阿，用on the contrary 好吗？）

However, socialization is （not） only one factor which contribute to a better society. It is considered by Philosophers that social character is only one of the many characters human have. Other than socialization, there are numerous characters that may determine one’s destiny such as belief, talent, disposition, education and so forth. We need look no farther than the case of  Einstein, the famous physicist in the world. His contribution was primarily ascribed to his  talents and devoted research, which benefit less from socialization. Countless figures in the  history have made their impression in the world, who would guarantee that they are all well  socialized? Something important, including personal effort, world peace, and environmental  protection serves to construct a better society at the same time.

When it comes to how to raise children, our education has done a good job toward it, though there  is（are) shortcomings in it. One apt illustration comes as more and more educators come to realize it's  very important to develop children's independent character. Parents require their children to  complete their own housework at home. In the school, children are encouraged to learn what they  like and tackle difficulty by themselves. In fact, the essential moralities, such as justice,  honesty and braveness, have never been neglected by the educators. Although we can't allege our  theory of education is perfect, at any rate we're not utterly unaware of  how to raise children  to serve our society.

In sum, we can't neglect other important factors that contribute to our society and the efforts  people have devoted to children's education. Actually, people have achieved lots of accomplishments  in education and what we need do is to make it better.

这篇文章可能语法方面有些小错，而且不容易发现。对于我来说，看你的文章，很难找到需要修改的地方。找到的地方我估计都是你粗心造成的。给我最大的感觉文章稳稳当当，如果要提高，就该从语言上下点功夫。