issue3 [5f] 求拍

5-fishUID: 2314532

题目：ISSUE3 - "It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations."
字数：522          用时：0:45:00          日期：2007-11-5

Should we allocate money for immediate, existing social problems or spend it on long-term research which may help future generations? In my point of view, it is necessary to considerate the particular issue carefully, but not make the general decisions and long-term research is more reasonable for the whole society.

Admittedly, allocating money for the immediate existing social problems has many merits to our society. In a sense, some immediate existing social problems have the intense effect which may correlate to our daily lives and living level. By solving such problems we can reward better feeling. For example, some acute disease, we must spare no effort to control some disease for our basic living atmosphere. Only on the basis of assurance basic living condition, can we decide our following steps. In absence of assurance on living condition of current generations, it is absurd to require the people to research the lasting and meaningful long-term research which may help future generations.

However, many social problems cannot address easily, Such as War, the energy crisis, and so on, some of which derive from the human nature, such as greed and selfishness and cannot be solved by simply allocate money and pay sufficient attention. It needs more spiritual power such as ethical guidance. Under this condition, pay enough emphasis on the immediate issue may be not gets the outcome which we suppose. Meanwhile we might lose the framework of larger picture. So allocate money for all urgent things may not the reasonable choice.

What is more, long-term research may raise smarter solutions to immediate problems. There are countless examples can demonstrate this point clearly. Take the nuclear project as an example. We blindly adhering to allocate money to explore the ordinary nature energy, which can satisfy our immediate needs, the permanent negative effects have been made in the nature. Thanks to the long-term nuclear research, the advent of nuclear science alleviates this energy crisis in many places around the world. Another example is genetic engineering. When many patients suffer from the most severe illness, genetic science provides the more flexible solution such as organ transplant to them. All of these illustrates that as the maturity of the perspective long-term research, we human beings are in possession of ability to utilize the powerful resource and knowledge to solve the most difficult issue.

Further, people are forced into small holes must consciously consume and attempt the external forms of stimuli. Long-term research provides us more powerful tool to more complex issues. It is entirely possible that some project may useless for the immediate social issue but very useful in the coming days, and the total efforts is much beyond solving the urgent things. For example, the astronomy project, nowadays, when we take the GPS(global position system) and weather report for granted , in last century most people believe that space craft is "long-term research" which irrelevant to immediate social problem.

In sum, may be some available solution to specific immediate problem is reasonable. However, after satisfy the basic living condition, we should place enough emphasis on the long-term research which can enhance the whole development human society.

liyue24UID: 2350787

Should we allocate money for immediate, existing social problems or spend it on long-term research which may help future generations? In my point of view, it is necessary to considerate(consider) the particular issue carefully, but not make the general decisions and long-term research is more reasonable for the whole society(这里一个短句两个谓语make和is，想表达什么意思？).

Admittedly, allocating money for the immediate existing social problems has many merits to our society. In a sense, some immediate existing social problems have the intense effect which may correlate to our daily lives and living level(好像是叫living standard的说……). By solving such problems we can reward better feeling. For example, some acute disease, we must spare no effort to control some disease for our basic living atmosphere(大气，空气？还是只是指环境？简单用environment是否可以？). Only on the basis of assurance basic living condition, (这个逗号应该可以不用的。直接一句话接下来就好了。本身语义很连贯，也没有太大的停顿间隔。)can we decide our following steps. In absence of assurance on living condition of current generations, it is absurd to require the people to research the lasting and meaningful long-term research which may help future generations.

However, many social problems cannot address(be addressed) easily, Such as War(wars?这个我不是很确定，不过，不应该大写——毕竟不是专有名词，而且好像一般用的都是加复数。), the energy crisis, and so on, some of which derive from the human nature, such as greed and selfishness and cannot be solved by simply allocate money and pay sufficient attention. It needs more spiritual power such as(这已经是这段里面的第三个such as了，而只是在开始的两句里面。不妨直接用like) ethical guidance. Under this condition, pay(paying) enough emphasis on the immediate issue may be not gets(may not get) the outcome which we suppose. Meanwhile we might lose the framework of larger picture. So allocate money for all urgent things may not (be) the reasonable choice.

What is more, long-term research may raise smarter solutions to immediate problems. There are countless examples can demonstrate this point clearly. Take the nuclear project as an example. We blindly adhering to allocate money to explore the ordinary nature energy, which can satisfy our immediate needs, the permanent negative effects have been made in the nature. Thanks to the long-term nuclear research, the advent of nuclear science alleviates this energy crisis in many places around the world. Another example is genetic engineering. When many patients suffer from the most severe illness, genetic science provides the (a  这里不用特指，只是泛指) more flexible solution such as organ transplant to them. All of these illustrates(illustrated) that as the maturity of the perspective long-term research, we human beings are in possession of ability to utilize the powerful resource and knowledge to solve the most difficult issue.

Further, people are(去掉are，要不在前面要加上who) forced into small holes must consciously consume and attempt the external forms of stimuli. Long-term research provides us more powerful tool to(for) more complex issues. It is entirely possible that some project may useless for the immediate social issue but very useful in the coming days, and the total efforts is much beyond solving the urgent things. For example, the astronomy project, nowadays, when we take the GPS(global position system) and weather report for granted , in last century most people believe that space craft is "long-term research" which irrelevant to immediate social problem.

In sum, may be(maybe   注意maybe和may be是不一样的) some available solution to specific immediate problem is reasonable. However, after satisfy(satisfied  过去式表完成) the basic living condition, we should place enough emphasis on the long-term research which can enhance the whole development (加of) human society.

文章的总体结构和观点已经很好了，也有不错的例子来支撑。只是语言上还有一些小flaws。
加油～～一定可以克服的，会有理想成绩。  :)

5-fishUID: 2314532

改的真细心啊,非常感谢,需要回拍吗?请留下链接

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

题 目：ISSUE3 - "It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations."
字数：522          用时：0:45:00          日期：2007-11-5

Should we allocate money for immediate, existing social problems or spend it on long-term research which may help future generations? 能将题目稍微改写一下更好In my point of view, it is necessary to considerate the particular issue carefully, but to not make the general decisions and long-term research is more reasonable for the whole society.to do 或者doing才能作主语，动词原型不能作主语

Admittedly, allocating money for the immediate existing social problems has many merits to our society. In a sense, some immediate existing social problems have the intense effect which may correlate to our daily lives and living level用living conditions似乎更地道一点. By solving such problems we can reward better feeling不太常听说过这个短语，可能才疏学浅吧^_^. For example, some acute disease, we must spare no effort to control some disease for our basic living atmosphere.的确有点别扭，建议改改 Only on the basis of assuranceassuring或者assurance of，动名词的用法，如果想用名词assurance就要用of把对象连接起来，例如最简单的map of China就是这个道理，如果写成map China就显然不对了 basic living condition, can we decide our following steps. In absence of assurance on living condition同样的错误 of current generations, it is absurd to require the people to research the lasting and meaningful long-term research which may help future generations.

However, many social problems cannot address应当be addressed easily, Such as War, the energy crisis, and so on，some of which derive from the human nature, such as greed and selfishness and cannot be solved by simply allocate money and pay sufficient attention. It needs more spiritual power such as ethical guidance.确实such as 用的多了一点 Under this condition, pay enough emphasis同样的问题，动名词或者介词短语作主语 on the immediate issue may be not gets再一次，动词各种形式的运用 the outcome whichc we suppose. Meanwhile we might lose the framework of larger picture. So allocate money for all urgent things may not the reasonable choice.

What is more, long-term research may raise smarter solutions to immediate problems. There are countless examples can demonstrate this point clearly. Take the nuclear project as an example. We blindly adhering to又一次，动词的用法错误 allocate money to explore the ordinary nature energy改成“不可再生资源” non-renewable resources会不会好点？, which can satisfy our immediate needs, the permanent negative effects have been made一句话中如果有两个动词（谓语）一定要用连词！ in the nature. Thanks to the long-term nuclear research, the advent of nuclear science alleviates this energy crisis in many places around the world. Another example is genetic engineering. When many patients suffer from the most severe illness, genetic science provides the去掉 more flexible solution such as organ transplant又一次，动词形式的用法，transplanting to them. All of these illustrates还是，改成illustrate that as the maturity of the perspective long-term research, we human beings are in possession of ability to utilize the powerful resource and knowledge to solve the most difficult issue.

Further, people are forced into small holes must 仔细看看，这句话里面有两个谓语东西，将第一个改成从句后者使用连词consciously consume and attempt the external forms of stimuli. Long-term research provides us more powerful tool tosolve或者加上其他的动词表示解决的意思，否则句子不完整 more complex issues. It is entirely possible that some project may be缺谓语useless for the immediate social issue but very useful in the coming days, and the total efforts is much beyond solving the urgent things. For example, the astronomy project, nowadays, when we take the GPS(global position system) and weather report for granted , in last century most people believe that space craft is "long-term research" which irrelevant to immediate social problem.

In sum, may be some available solution to specific immediate problem is reasonable. However, after satisfy the basic living condition, we should place enough emphasis on the long-term research which can enhance the whole development human society.

从文中可见LZ常犯的语法错误是动词各种形式的运用和谓语的用法；一个句子中不能有两个谓语，而且动词单复数应当与主语一致，其实每个人都有个人最常犯的一两种语法错误，但是自己往往很难发现，但是别人能够发现，建议LZ复习有关的语法知识点
从论证角度来说，结构观点和例子运用恰当，论述得体，还是不错的
说话直请组长多多包涵啊，以后还请多多指教
求回拍，谢谢！！
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