作文修改小超人（停止修改）

破海沧澜UID：2401581

Daffi

LZ帮忙修改一下吧, 谢谢.

Is it better to let a friend make a mistake than saying or doing something that would end the friendship? (421 words)

When one of your friends get trapped in a trouble, and in your opinion, the solutions he/she decides on will do him/her harm.  What will you do then?  To let him/her go ahead as he/she （s/he）decides, or to say or do something to prevent him/her from the mistakes (in which way you also take the risk of ending (devastating your friendship, 题目能够改写的还是要改写) ?  “To be, or not to be, it is a question.”  As far as I am concerned, I would prefer to let him/her have a （another） try.

For one thing, since one could never predict the exact future, it is irresponsible to assume what the other does will be a “mistake”(这个分论点有点偏题！注意要紧紧围绕题目写！).  Even you think you have exactly the same experience, and the result is a nightmare, the story of your friend may still have another ending.  To assume one would definitely fail is quite presumptuous.  So（= thus. Hence, accordingly= consequently, 以后最好用这些词来引出结果， so不太正式。）, before one decide to say or do something to prevent his/her friend from “mistakes”, I think he/she should stop for a while, and check his/her way of thinking first:  what is the probability that the friend’s deeds will be followed by a bad consequences?  Has he/she taken every factor into consideration?

（由于你的第一个主体段写偏题了，题目明显说了let him/her make a mistake, mistake是关键词, 必定要写。而你的这个主体段却说irresponsible to assume it is a mistake。所以我重写了一段，希望对你有所帮助：

For one thing, nothing is perfect and no one could be free from making mistakes--- that a friend may make mistakes some day is inevitable. In this sense, the quality of tolerance is essential for a good friend. Perhaps it would suffice to mention one of my dear friends, Iris, who possesses a nature of tolerance and patience. Once I visited her house and carelessly damaged one of her favorite ship models. It scared me a great deal then and I thought such a “fatal” mistake might destroy our friendship. Surprisingly (at least at that time), Iris did not turn out annoyed after knowing that. Conversely, she asked patiently how it happened. After I told her the truth, she finally forgave me for it was just an unpredictable incident and she warned me to be careful next time. Many years have gone since that incident and I still believe it is the quality of tolerance maintaining the valuable friendship between Iris and me for years. ）

For another, if making suggestions would “end the friendship”, it follows that the possibility your friend will listen and accept your suggestion is very low (Chances are remote for your friends to accept your suggestion.).  A good example in this case is (a) woman in love: one of your female friends is having affair with a guy who, in your eyes, will not give her any future.  Say or do something pushy?  It is always useless. （ A woman in love is nothing but a love idiot (这句话可能写得有点偏激，毕竟我连GF都还没有，没感受过。). She just cannot stop loving her beloved.）  Then what is the meaning to do something that you know from the start is useless?

（在英文中最好不要写没有回答的问句。最后一句建议改成： In this sense, it is of no use to make an effort to try to change her mind, which is scarcely possible.）

Last but not the least, in most cases, it is always benefical to make mistakes.  The development of human being is a process of trial-and-error.  Only through making mistakes could one know where his or her deficiency lies.  After errors there could be more targeted trials, and more errors, and more trials.  It is only through this way that people become more mature both in mental and in skill.  I cannot imagine a child can learn to walk until thousands of fall downs.  Then why prevent your friend from errors?

Someone may argue, what should you do then, when you think your friend is making a wrong decision?  Just let him/her go?  No.  As a friend, I think one could make suggestions, kind and rational, reasons listed and presented.  But remember: always keep the right of choice up to your friend.

[ 本帖最后由 破海沧澜 于 2007-11-4 10:53 编辑 ]

破海沧澜UID：2401581

qiwei19852003 (小霍)

也给我第一点意见吧限时之后有少许修改

003 Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


The fridge could conserve the food, thus people could buy plenty of food from supermarkets and need not buy any in a week. Cooking meal now uses electric not fire, which is clean and convenient. People could get the various instant foods that also full of nutrient. All of these surly （=definitely= absolutely） lead(lead to=give rise to= contribute to, 我觉得这里用contribute to 最好，这样带有褒义色彩。) the change of people's life. The way people live is more efficient. Persons have more spare time and work time as the decrease of housework. Moreover, the betterment to the public's health is apparent. （很好，开头很不错！）

It is a dream for a long time that average persons would abandon the boring housework like preparing food, having more time to relax and work. The city I live is just a small city, but the competition is dramatic (competition 搭配fierce 的用法最常见。). Most people lack time to cook or buy raw and vegetable（Most people scarcely have enough time to deal with daily issues such as cook or shopping）, do not mention  they also wish to appreciate music and do other entertainment (not to mention the extremely limited time for relaxation and entertainment.要尝试着改变用中文思维写英文的习惯。). If persons have the way to prepare food using a little time, it will become an advantage （Needless to say, it would suffice to benefit people dramatically if the preparation of food could become easier.）. Fortunately, the fridge (fridges 替换，原句语法错误), electric cooking, instant food and lots of (a number of 替换， a lot of, lots of 不是正式的写作语言。) other modern ways have solved the problem (Fortunately, fridges, electric cooking, instant food and other modern instruments ease people’s daily burden.). All the new way to prepare food changes the lifestyle which becomes more efficient and enjoyable.

On the other hand, easier way to cook helps people to get a wonderful meal (On the other hand, not only is the preparation of food easier, but the quality and taste of food are also improved.). That is to say, in certain time, (这里的插入语用得不太恰当) now people have the chance to cook more delicate and more nutrient food. The development of technology and food industry results in the more effective way to prepare food （不错！）. Maybe, in the past, you just could make 4 dishes, but now, people would （are able to替换） prepare 10 dishes in the same time （one time替换）.  The progress is apparent that people would enjoy more delicious food. This aspect is really beneficial to people the health. Thus, modern people tend to do their work with fulfilled energy. It is really a change to people's life.

The efficient, entertainment and health improve the way people live. It changes the people, also changes the world. Modern food preparing means modern way to live.

（作者写作的问题在于你仍然在用中文的思维去写英文作文。即你在写英文的时候会下意识地先想中文，然后想英文，并且写出一一对应的句子。这样是不好的，必须改正。也许你现在觉得写英文作文不是一件很容易的事，但是只要你练习得多，托福作文绝对是相当上手的。所以，继续努力吧！）

破海沧澜UID：2401581

chenhao861025

请超人修改下

59. Some people are always in a hurry to go places and get things done. Other people prefer to take their time and live life at a slower pace. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.  Currently, more and more （more and more= an increasing number of， 以后建议用后面的那种表达方式） people are concerned with their life-style, some people hold the view that they should utilize every minute in their life to do meaningful things, while others contend that a relaxful lifestyle is more benificial to them. at an individual level,  youngsters should live a life at a fast pace, while a life at a slow pace is reasonable for old people.

（你的开头写得相当好，下面是我写的开头， 希望你能从中得到一点收获。 由于时间所限， 我只能改到这里， 请见谅！！！

It is human nature for a person to seek for a life style that s/he may be comfortable with. Even now, that what kind of life-style should a person have is still controversial: a fair portion of people holds the view that one should concentrate on what they should do every minute, while others insist on the benefit of a more relaxed lifestyle. From a more personal than a general perspective, I would argue that different lifestyles are suitable for different people--- a fast and busy life for the young and a peaceful life at a slower pace for the old.）

As to young people, there are a lot of thing they need to learn when they are young, for example, they should learn how to survive in the society, this subject is really a time-consuming task, they need to learn a lot of skills, like cooperation skills , social skills and the skill to earn money. Additionally, they usually have  a family to support. in order to let their family members live in a enjoyable environment, young individuals should work hard to earn enough money to raise the family。finally, young people are always full of vigor and have a lot of dreams to pursue. therefore, youngsters should spend their time efficiently ,and never waste a minute.

However, when it comes to old people, the situation is completely different. old people usually do not have to take the responsibility of supporting their family, because their children are capable of  taking place of them for that task. Moveover, old people need to enjoy their life afer hard work of several decades. For example, They can spend the last part of their life on their hobbies which they probably gived up when they were young. Finally, Living at a fast pace, harmful to their health, is not rational for old people, because old people do not have enough energy to endure intensive  and competitive work.

In conclusion, people at different age should have different life style. A competitive life is reasonable for youngsters, on the contrary, old people should live a relaxful life.      

squall3000UID：2315646

0825真题习作,求超人帮忙改一下:)

11.3就要考了,这是我第一次习作,写的狂慢,竟用了N个小时才完成...眼看临考不到一周了,心急如焚啊~~~


0825
Do you agree the statement that High school, colleges, universities should less the time teach g subjects and more time preparing the students of specific careers and jobs.
+++++++++
disagree:
1/通识教育目的在“育人”，教会学习和生活的能力，而不仅是知识
2/很多学生毕业后，从事与本专业无关的工作，因此学太深没必要,不如多学些通用的技能
3/对于想深入学的，可自学或读研
+++++++++
There is a general discussion these days over education in many colleges and institutes. One of the questions under debate is whether colleges and universities should lessen the time for teaching general subjects while increase the time for preparing the students' specific careers and jobs in the future. In my part, we should, definitely, keep and even enlarge the ratio of time to teach general subjects for the following reasons.

First and foremost, it is necessary for us to clarify the essential meaning of education before our discussion. So, what is the purpose we hold when we advance and develop our education system? And why do we need education, especially the general education in high schools, colleges, and universities? Although these questions are so complicated and intricate that we can not elaborate in this short essay, there is a clear point we might all approve of, that is, a good education should enable one to develop a method of effective learning, to master the ability of rational thinking, as well as to hold the capacity of survival in this world which is full of competition. Undoubtedly, as for an individual, the skills of learning, thinking, and subsistence, are much more essential than knowledge itself; and these kinds of universal skills can be learned roundly, only through studying various general subjects, rather than a kind of specific knowledge.

Furthermore, there is no necessity to impart students too much deep knowledge in certain discipline, especially at the stage of general education. Otherwise, at this stage, what the students need most is understanding and mastering how to learn efficiently, how to think rationally, how to communicate with others effectively, and other useful and meaningful skills, which will benefit them a lot in their future careers, even in all their life. Sociological studies have found that there are a strikingly increasing number of students who, after graduation, engage on some kind of works which are different distinctly from their original majors they studied in the university. Now that most of knowledge they learned in their major courses might probably be of no use for them, why not invest more time and energy to cultivate our students some more useful and universal skills?

In addition, investing more time on teaching general subjects can not necessarily translate to limiting the time students spend on their major studies. As for the students who want to further their major studies, there are adequate spare time they can use. If they are willing to learn more and deeper, they can utilize all available and helpful sources by themselves, such us library and Internet; and even, they can apply for studying at graduate school.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that, in high schools, colleges, and universities, it is extremely essential to lay great emphasis on teaching general subjects and cultivating universal skills; and hence, we should keep investing adequate time towards them.

489 words

DaffiUID：18714

赞小超人!! 真的特别负责啊~~ 改得好倒在其次, 真的好意外你改完以后会发个短信通知我, 好细心的人. :)

Dance_4uUID：2340664

还是个高中生哦，年轻有行啊，佩服

破海沧澜UID：2401581

再次提供我的联系方式：
QQ：260993250
E-MAIL： shenfengyuan2007@yahoo.com.cn
方便大家联系我。
同时谢谢大家的支持！！！:)

kentronUID：2122629

Do you agree or disagree: Observing and study of animal can teach us a lot about the nature of human beings.

Myriad clues in our daily life manifest the inspiration our human beingsget that origin from the animals. Frog eyes, widely applied in the airports andtransportation channels, radar, which imitates bat’s echolocation system, andalso shell-like structure such as Sydneyopera are all outcomes of people’s learning from animals. Then it appears adiscipline named bionics. Nevertheless, people’s attitude about the essence ofanimal is not so much as positive. We can indicate this kind of biasedviewpoint from a pair of words, human natures & brutality. Animal’s essenceis prejudiced simply associated to ferocity and savageness, and their behaviorsdrive of their basic appetency. However, if you have some common sense aboutanimal’s daily life or once see a documentary film like “March of thePenguins”, I am sure you will hold a distinct opinion.

You could see two deer fight for their own territory, you could see mailpeacock show its glorious tail to court the female, you also could seethousands of penguin fathers huddle together for warmth to protect the egg attemperatures far below zero. Observation of the daily life of animals makes usbelieve that our human beings and animals have a lot of in common, and behave ina similar way. In that, could we also learn a lot from animal at sensibilityview of human nature just like we do in bionics?


The answer is no. Not decipher animals behavior of animals from biographicview, people add human beings’ perception uponthe study of animals’ behavior——the perception base on the thorough cognition of ourselves. Let me take “sheepeffect” for instance. The phenomena that when making a choice people tend tofollow the majority were realized by people first. Then people found thephenomena alike in the animal kingdom that flocks of sheep follow the old buckjumping down the cliff. At last, people use our thought to explain the animals’behavior, while just use animal’s name to designate it in reverse. Peoplealways use the affair happened in animal kingdom to fit the principle alreadysummarized by human’s experience. It is virtually not the study of human’snature.

Additionally, we cannot find human beings’ counterpart in animals’ behaviorsmost of time. Varieties of situations exist in our society that animals do nothave ability to make a choice. In that case, we could but use precisely andlogically analysis of ourselves just like ancient Greek philosophies dotodiscern our nature though increasing complex social phenomena.

Furthermore, some animals’ adaptive endeavor is endowed by us with more profoundmeanings. Just from different outcomes of comparative experiment of the frogput in a gradually heating up pan and a boiled pan, people actually explain itin “a stitch in time save nine”. We should also be clear that the characters inanimal allegories are just made up and personified by author to illustrate orsatirize human beings’ nature in an easy way.

In conclusion, to acknowledge our nature, observing and studying animals isjust akin of vivid means, but definitely not the source.

谢谢 :)


[ 本帖最后由 kentron 于 2007-11-2 12:35 编辑 ]

破海沧澜UID：2401581

麻烦楼上的把字体调小一点啊！！！

米菲多罗UID：2328777

楼主好人啊，哪天给你改改，我这个月就考了～怕怕的啊！

nanchuanbeimaUID：2417263

麻烦小超人帮看看咯，多拍砖~

Question:
Leaders like John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King have made important contributions to the people of the United States. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.

"We all love Chairman Mao!" This was a sentence in the English textbooks in 1950s in China, and it was also a authentic acclamation from the bottom of people's hearts. Yes, Mao Zedong, the first chairman of People's Republic of China, is no doubt an important world leader.

In the history of foundation of People's Republic of China, Mao was no doubt the first-ranked hero. In the 1940s, Mao took up the crucial responsibility - to lead his people to fight for a new republic nation, and he achieved the goal in 1949. Thanks to his outstanding intelligence and leadership, China retained her peace and safety after decades of wars. Millions of farmers then were granted lands of their own, which promoted Mao's fame and prestige to a further higher status.

Mao is also a prominent example for students. When he was young, he worked hard on his study despite the poor condition of his family. More over, he read various books and newspapers after class. One remarkable hobby of his was to take notes and make comments referring to the books he read. Margins of his books were always full of words conveying his ideas and thoughts. And this hobby, to some extent, helped him to be a great thinker. Mao's efforts and enthusiasm to grasp every drop of knowledge are still remembered and praised today.

Mao's military intelligence was famous both during and after his life time. In the civil war against Kuoming Dang Party, the enemy boasted cutting-edge equipments and high technologies. With weapons far worse, nevertheless, Mao and his people created the miracle to beat Kuoming Dang Party eventually. It was his talent in military and gift in leadership that made this seemingly impossible aim accomplished, which paved the path to a new republic nation for the country.

To conclude, Mao Zedong, one of the most important founders of China, with his diligence in studying to remember and follow, and his military talent to admire, is surely eligible to be named as one of the great leaders in the world.

qiwei19852003UID：2228793

强赞 ！！！！！！！！！后天就去考了 但愿在超人这里蹭点运气

lin~@~UID：2228831

劳驾小超人，帮忙看一下，很期待你的评价
-If you could ask a famous person a question, what would you ask? Why?

There is no doubt that we human beings benefit a lot from the progress of technique, science, and what we have done in the past years to improve our quality of life. However, more and more problems accompany with the progressions which make me confused in that I really could not to distinct the progression and regression. If I were given a chance to ask Einstein a question, I would desperately to find out whether we are in progressing or not?

Firstly, it seems a paradox that our efficiencies are much higher than before while our leisure time is increasingly diminishing, but it is actually the reality. The greater our mobility, the more our destinations each day; the more time-saving facilities we use, the more activities we try to attend each day; with more convenient access to information, we try to assimilate more of it each day. Nowadays we are forced to do more by the superiors, the competitors, or even by ourselves. Fortunately, we have more opportunities and choices than our predecessors, but at the same time, unfortunately, we have to confront with much more challenges and suffer from much more pressure. Therefore, people may be not able to enjoy their leisure time much in such an increasingly competitive society, consequently resulting in some serious social problems, such as unemployment, resentment, high suicide, anti-social behaviors, and so forth.

Secondly,, indeed, the quality of our life have improved a lot, but on the other side, as the famous saint, Mother Teresa has said that, and I quote, “In the West there is loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many causes it is worse than our poor in Calcutta. We find that technology does not seem to sole all human problems-in fact, it raises issue that society as a whole has been unable to address. And maybe that is the reason for the blooming development of an occupation –psychologyist.

Accordingly, the fast development and progression make me can not understand if we immersed in the superior sense or were frustrated  

kentronUID：2122629

不好意思 a~

jennycatUID：2201632

多谢小超人！！！原来你是高中生，:funk: 太强了，以后再不能叫你超人“大哥”了，寒..........