issue59 【OB小组】

phillipsareaUID: 2318537

题目：ISSUE59 - "Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them."
字数：505          用时：00:59:24          日期：2007-8-14 上午 01:14:40
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Role models, who have been set as examples to people including children, teenagers and adults, help to instruct people make appropriate decisions in front of choices and support them with great courage to achieve their goals. In a way we should learn from role models, however, it's almost impossible for us to simply copy their successful experience and lose our own thoughts and ideas.

Admittedly, role models are there since they have their special and successful experience or events that impact and inspire the generations. Steve Jobs, CEO of the apple corporation, is just a case in point. Jobs founded apple corporation himself in early 1980s, however, he was fired by the directorate of his own company a few years later since they are opposed of Jobs' ideas in many facets. After years' of research, to many people's surprise, Jobs was back to Apple with his new ideas that every family in America would own a personal computer. This idea later results in the cheaper Apple II computer as well as millions dollars of profits. Therefore, the story of Jobs becomes a legend in the realm of computer and Jobs himself was the best role models of keep creating and never giving up. Whenever people talked about Jobs, they will be deeply impact and also encouraged by Jobs' spirits, thus, role models are of great value to people nowadays.

In a way we should learn from role models in some facets, it's unnecessary for us to put too much emphasis on role models, which makes people simply want to copy their experience and eventually lose their own thoughts and inspiration. For instance, Bill Gates, once the richest person in the world, has always been an example of many young college students. His experience that left Harvard and founded Micosoft has also been a legend besides Jobs'. Sometimes when young college students are tired of school life and come up with an idea of leaving college, they are thinking of the former experience of Bill Gates, which makes them do not hesitate to make such a decision. Nevertheless, how many Bill Gates are there in the world? There might be thousands of college students who make up their mind to leave school, but there would be only one Bill Gates who succeeded at last. This suggests that role models are successful since they have different views towards normal things and better sense of might-be-successful opportunities, howbeit, their successful experience may not fit everybody in the world since everybody is unique and should have their own thoughts and ideas towards choices and issues. Thus, it's necessary for us learn from the experience of role models rather than simply try to copy their experience.

There're numerous role models in the world, they all have their unique experience and definition of success. If we are able to learn from any of their experience and spirits and keep our own thoughts and ideas rather than simply trying to copy them, perhaps that one day, we would be one of them.

yvonnesmartUID: 2380005

Role models, who have been set as examples to people including children, teenagers and adults, help to instruct people make appropriate decisions in front of choices and support them with great courage to achieve their goals. In a way we should learn from role models, however, it's almost impossible for us to simply copy their successful experience and lose our own thoughts and ideas. 第一段的主题是说要兼顾学习榜样和保持自身想法是不容易的。

Admittedly, role models are there since they have their special and successful experience or events that impact and inspire the generations. Steve Jobs, CEO of the apple corporation, is just a case in point. Jobs founded apple corporation himself in early 1980s, however, he was fired by the directorate of his own company a few years later since they are opposed of Jobs' ideas in many facets. After years' of research, to many people's surprise, Jobs was back to Apple with his new ideas that every family in America would own a personal computer. This idea later results in the cheaper Apple II computer as well as millions dollars of profits. Therefore, the story of Jobs becomes a legend in the realm of computer and Jobs himself was the best role models of keep creating and never giving up. Whenever people talked about Jobs, they will be deeply impact and also encouraged by Jobs' spirits, thus, role models are of great value to people nowadays.
这段主要陈述榜样的含义，同时举了Steve Jobs的例子，个人认为可以稍微简略一些，因为它不是文章的重点，离主题有点远。

In a way we should learn from role models in some facets, it's unnecessary for us to put too much emphasis on role models, which makes people simply want to copy their experience and eventually lose their own thoughts and inspiration. 主题句，学习榜样很容易丧失自我For instance, Bill Gates, once the richest person in the world, has always been an example of many young college students. His experience that left Harvard and founded Micosoft has also been a legend besides Jobs'. Sometimes when young college students are tired of school life and come up with an idea of leaving college, they are thinking of the former experience of Bill Gates, which makes them do not hesitate to make such a decision. Nevertheless, how many Bill Gates are there in the world? There might be thousands of college students who make up their mind to leave school, but there would be only one Bill Gates who succeeded at last. This suggests that role models are successful since they have different views towards normal things and better sense of might-be-successful opportunities, howbeit, their successful experience may not fitfor everybody in the world since everybody is unique and should have their own thoughts and ideas towards choices and issues. Thus, it's necessary for us learn from the experience of role models rather than simply try to copy their experience.这段的论证还是非常清楚的，总分总的结构，有例子也有说理。只是有的语法错误得稍微注意

There're numerous role models in the world, they all have their unique experience and definition of success. If we are able to learn from any of their experience and spirits and keep our own thoughts and ideas rather than simply trying to copy them, perhaps that one day, we would be one of them.

整篇文章来看，lz的第二段是比较清晰同时也是对topic的有利回复，但是第一段的主题句稍微偏了点，因为你说要说服读者能兼顾学习榜样和保持自我的，如果开始就说这是不容易的，那不是削弱了自己的文章吗。如果是要说明这个方面，最好还能有一个说理段落，主要讲保持自我的作用。这就可以说圆了。个人意见，仅供参考，加油！

xiao8686UID: 2266881

Role models, who have been set as examples to people includingchildren, teenagers and adults, help to instruct people makeappropriate decisions in front of choices and support them with greatcourage to achieve their goals. In a way we should learn from rolemodels, however, it's almost impossible for us to simply copy theirsuccessful experience and lose our own thoughts and ideas（to succeed）.

Admittedly, role models are there since they have their special andsuccessful experience or events that impact and inspire thegenerations.(这句话表达有点问题, are there 和 have their ... experience这种说法都不太正式) Steve Jobs, CEO of the apple corporation, is just a casein point. Jobs founded apple corporation himself in early 1980s,however, he was fired by the directorate of his own company a few yearslater since they are opposed of Jobs' ideas in many facets. Afteryears' of research, to many people's surprise, Jobs was back to Applewith his new ideas that every family in America would own a personalcomputer. This idea later results in the cheaper Apple II computer aswell as millions dollars of profits. Therefore, the story of Jobsbecomes a legend in the realm of computer and Jobs himself was the bestrole models of keep creating and never giving up.（这个例子选择的不太好，不能strongly support the point） Whenever peopletalked about Jobs, they will be deeply impact and also encouraged byJobs' spirits, thus, role models are of great value to people nowadays.

In a way we should learn from role models in some facets, it'sunnecessary for us to put too much emphasis on role models, which makespeople simply want to copy their experience and eventually lose theirown thoughts and inspiration.（后面那个定语从句用的不太对） For instance, Bill Gates, once therichest person in the world, has always been an example of many youngcollege students. His experience that left Harvard and founded Micosofthas also been a legend besides Jobs'. Sometimes when young collegestudents are tired of school life and come up with an idea of leavingcollege, they are thinking of the former experience of Bill Gates,which makes them do not hesitate to make such a decision. Nevertheless,how many Bill Gates are there in the world? There might be thousands ofcollege students who make up their mind to leave school, but therewould be only one Bill Gates who succeeded at last. （这个例子论证的不太好，要从另外一个角度分析，不能成为the next bill gates 不一定代表不成功。所以从 很多人离开学校然后一事无成 这个方面来论证）This suggests thatrole models are successful since they have different views towardsnormal things and better sense of might-be-successful opportunities,howbeit, their successful experience may not fit everybody in the worldsince everybody is unique and should have their own thoughts and ideastowards choices and issues. Thus, it's necessary for us learn from theexperience of role models rather than simply try to copy theirexperience.

There're numerous role models in the world, they all have their uniqueexperience and definition of success. If we are able to learn from anyof their experience and spirits and keep our own thoughts and ideasrather than simply trying to copy them, perhaps that one day, we wouldbe one of them.