argument117 欢迎拍砖,拍后请留链接

childrenqUID：2109575

117.The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'



This argument is based on groundless evidence. The business manger does not provide more accurate data of the survey so it could not support his/her assertion. Also the arguer simplified the work they need to do and does not consider other factors which will influence the success of the office-supply departments.

First of all, the validity of the survey cited above is doubtful. The arguer does not mention that who conducted the survey, is this person reliable? The number of people who are surveyed and the number of respondents are not provided. If few people are asked or there are few respondents, the data would be not available. What are the professions of those people? Are they doing similar jobs? Can they represent most of professions? If they need to work at home, how long will they spend at home-working? Maybe they just have to work at home one hour a day. All answers of these questions are not provided, so the survey is not worthy to take as a reference.

In addition, assumed that the survey is available, what do people need is unknown. The author claims that the stock of printers, small copy machines, paper shredders and so on should be increased, but no evidence shows that these things are needed. Does the author make a survey about what is needed in the work-at-home trend. Maybe most of those people already have printers, small copy machines, paper shredders or other things which the arguer suggest to enlarge the stock of. Even granted those things are what people need, the amount is unclear. How many home office machines should be stored? If Valu-mart store too many, they can not sell them all, that the cost of the stock will increase. Furthermore, how long will this work-at-home trend last can not be seen now, the office-supply departments should make a long term plan.

Finally, whether the office-supply departments will be the most profitable component of Valu-mart stores depends on many factors. First, there are other competitors exist in the market, it is not clear that the office-supply departments will make money or not. Second, other departments of Valu-marts may make more money than the office-supply departments. Since there may be other things which are demanded in the future, other departments may make large profit. No phenomenon shows the office-supply departments will be Valu-mart's most profitable component.

In sum, the argument can not strongly support the arguer's claim because of the vague survey and the oversimplification of being successful in the market.

咯噔UID：2114564

117.The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'



This argument is based on groundless evidence. The business manger does not provide more accurate data of the survey so it could not support his/her assertion. Also the arguer simplified the work they need to do and does not consider other factors which will influence the success of the office-supply departments.

First of all, the validity of the survey cited above is doubtful. The arguer does not mention that who conducted the survey, is this person reliable? The number of people who are surveyed and the number of respondents are not provided. If few people are asked or there are few respondents, the data would be not available. What are the professions of those people? Are they doing similar jobs? Can they represent most of professions? If they need to work at home, how long will they spend at home-working? Maybe they just have to work at home one hour a day. All answers of these questions are not provided, so the survey is not worthy to take as a reference.我觉得你这些都很好哈,但据资料,美国人最喜欢的是找到数据错误.他回认为你很有逻辑.所以我觉得可以添一个70%只是RESPONDENTS里的,不代表所有人
In addition, assumed that the survey is available, what do people need is unknown. The author claims that the stock of printers, small copy machines, paper shredders and so on should be increased, but no evidence shows that these things are needed. Does the author make a survey about what is needed in the work-at-home trend. Maybe most of those people already have printers, small copy machines, paper shredders or other things which the arguer suggest to enlarge the stock of. Even granted those things are what people need, the amount is unclear这句会不会有问题?. How many home office machines should be stored? If Valu-mart store too many, they can not sell them all, that the cost of the stock will increase. Furthermore, how long will this work-at-home trend last can not be seen now, the office-supply departments should make a long term plan.我觉得这个放在这会不会显得有点乱?这已不属于增加存货的问题了.我觉得放在最后也许还更好些
Finally, whether the office-supply departments will be the most profitable component of Valu-mart stores depends on many factors. First, there are other competitors exist in the market, it is not clear that the office-supply departments will make money or not.这句有两个动词哈 Second, other departments of Valu-marts may make more money than the office-supply departments. Since there may be other things which are demanded in the future不用说FUTURE就可以了,现在也有其他需求啊, other departments may make large profit. No phenomenon shows the office-supply departments will be Valu-mart's most profitable component.(还有COST)
In sum, the argument can not strongly support the arguer's claim because of the vague survey and the oversimplification of being successful in the market.

:p:p自从看了你上次的帖子,就不太敢大胆批你了哈.觉得你掌握得多透的.我仔细看了那帖并研究了范文,觉得范文实际还是有提结论和论据,但他们功底好,说得很简洁.但好象关键是要点一下这个ARGUE的错.不能只总结或表面的说一句有错.我觉得你写得很好.;)所以我得到 的启示是开头不重要,我都留在最后写,也不检查.谢谢:handshake

childrenqUID：2109575

呵呵~谢谢你的修改

但据资料,美国人最喜欢的是找到数据错误.他回认为你很有逻辑.所以我觉得可以添一个70%只是RESPONDENTS里的,不代表所有人

这个问题,批驳了survey的人数和回应者数量,就是说这个survey样本不够,不具有代表性,如果survey人数够,回应者够,被调查人员各方面符合survey的要求,那么这个survey就是有代表性的,你不能再说这个70%只说明回应者的态度

我仔细看了那帖并研究了范文,觉得范文实际还是有提结论和论据,但他们功底好,说得很简洁,但好象关键是要点一下这个ARGUE的错.不能只总结或表面的说一句有错.我觉得你写得很好

实际上argu的开头就是应该对argu整体评论一下,比如这个argu证据不足,没有考虑其他原因,结论作得太仓促等等,这其中肯定要提到论据和论点的,但不是简单的restate,而是要评论一下

所以我得到 的启示是开头不重要,我都留在最后写,也不检查

开头也不是说不重要,只是不必费那么多时间去restate(而且不见得有作用), 所以开头简单评论,留多点时间给最重要的主体批驳.(有时间的话检查一下不是坏事)~呵呵

[ Last edited by childrenq on 2005-8-29 at 13:20 ]