[求助] 求ro老师狠批作文~~ [复制链接]

xiawucha0908
UID：3379419

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 63
寄托币: 84
注册时间: 2012-9-29
精华: 0
帖子: 34

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2013-1-15 16:21:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

ro老师，上一次留的那个连接木有显示。。不知道现在这篇能不能看见。

我把作文弄成附件的形式了。

麻烦您啦·~

作文题目

When you are assigned to finish writing about an important presentation in a month, which way do you prefer? 1. to start working on it right away. 2. wait until you have a good idea about it.

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.06.06

回应
0

使用道具举报

mpromanus
UID：2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

沙发

发表于 2013-1-16 09:43:46 |只看该作者

When you are assigned to finish writing about an important presentation in a month, which way do you prefer? 1. to start working on it right away. 2. wait until you have a good idea about it.

When asked to finish a presentation in a month, most people prefer to start working on it right away, because they believe that they have to prepare for it as soon as possible in order to achieve it (If 'it' here means 'presentation', which I think would be reasonable to assume give this sentence so far, then you can't say 'achieve' a 'presentation'. You can only achieve something abstract, like 'success', or 'completion'.) in time; while others would rather wait until they have good ideas. As far as I’m concerned, I support the first one (Be clear and I'd actually suggest you to avoid vague vocabulary like 'one', 'thing' or 'way' altogether. I can reasonably guess that this 'one' probably means something like 'choice', but it's still guesswork. 'One' is like a pronoun: you need to have an explicit reference before you can start referring to something as 'the one'.).

It is undeniable that “Well begun is half done.” With a good idea about the presentation, you can easily find the exact materials that you need, which is a good way to save your time. Otherwise, it might cost you perhaps at least one or two days just to find the dates related to you paper (I'm completely baffled as to what this phrase means. Why are 'dates' particularly relevant to the discussion, and why does the 'presentation' become a 'paper' all of a sudden?). Besides, you might feel a little overwhelmed when faced ('face+with' is almost strictly in the passive voice, so you can say 'I face <something>' or 'I'm faceD with <something>', but not 'I face with <something>'.) with a vast amount of information, if you do not know the main idea of the introduction (Again, I'm very baffled as to what 'the introduction' refers to, or why you mentioned 'the introduction' at all. The introduction of what? If it is the introduction of your presentation, you're writing the presentation so you won't have any prior introduction to 'know'; if it is something else then you need to say what it is that you are trying to 'know' the introduction of, since the question only asks for the writing about a presentation.). And that would cost you lots of time just to figure out which is useful for your paper (Again, this reference to 'paper' is baffling. A presentation is NOT a paper. Even a presentation of academic content is still, well, a presentation, not a paper..and a presentation is not necessarily related to a paper either, so I don't get at all why you keep mentioning 'paper'.).

However, it would be a long time before we come up with a good thought, while the fact is that we only have one month to prepare for our presentation. In order to handle the tasks in time, we have to finish the presentation (This is ambiguous between 'finish writing the content of/producing the slides for the presentation', or 'finish the actual oral delivery of the presentation'.) in a hurry, which would lead to more errors. Haste makes waste. For example, last semester we were required to finish an assignment in a month. My friend, Andy (This is trivial but the use of 'Andy' as a short for the female name 'Andrea' is less common than as a short for the male name 'Andrew'. To avoid confusion the female version is sometimes spelt 'Andee', but it doesn't really matter because it eventually all depends on how your friend spells it herself..), wanted to start working until (If you do something 'until' a point in time, it means you were doing that thing before that point, and stopped doing it at that point in time. So in this sentence to 'start working until she had a good idea' would actually mean she was 'starting' to work all the way up to the point when she had a good idea, which is, of course, absurd. What you meant to express is probably 'she wanted to start working (only) when she had a good idea', or 'she did not want to start working until she had a good idea'. The Chinese translation of 'until' doesn't help at all here because it doesn't capture the aspectual specification of 'until', which is more restricted than its Chinese translation.) she had a good idea. Two weeks past, she still got nothing to do with the task (To have 'nothing to do with <something>' is an idiomatic expression meaning 'to have no involvement in/responsibility of/relationship to <something>', e.g. 'I've nothing to do with this massacre', or 'The English Horn has nothing to do with being English or the horn'. It does not mean the same thing as 'she got nothing done for the task'.), while almost all of us had gotten all the information, and started to write. As a result, she got a poor grade on the paper (Again, your example mention 'assignment' and 'paper' while your topic sentence talks about 'presentation'. I'm not really sure whether this is because you think they are the same thing, but the point is, if your example is not apparently talking about exactly the same theme as your topic, you need to make the relevance obvious, e.g. adding 'So the same would happen if you are doing a presentation instead of an assignment/paper' to the end of the paragraph.).

What’s more, if we start working right away, we can have plenty time to collect dates (Alright, I give up guessing. If it's 'date' I could still try to argue it might be a typo of 'data', but what you mean by 'dateS', both in the 2nd paragraph and here, is completely beyond me.) we need, and sometimes even finish it ahead of time, which will give us a sense of achievement. For instance, we can spend about one week in collecting and analyzing information. With more supportive evidences, our presentation will be of great quality and will be more likely to get good grades.(I don't quite see the logic here. If more information you gather the better then why do you not spend 2 weeks doing it? Wouldn't that be more 'plenty'? Why must it be 'one week'? Or, if you start late because you were waiting for an idea, and you still want to collect information, you can still do it for one week and cut short your time on other things, yes? You only said the more information the better the grade. The time you allocate to info collection doesn't necessarily become shorter just because you don't start right away. Think about it. You were making assumptions which are not necessarily valid. The problem here is that this exact number of 'one week' is not the point that makes starting right away better. The point is that you will have 'plenty' time, and this 'plenty' is when comparing with not starting right away, assuming everything else equal. So you need to say your example in a way that articulates this comparison and demonstrates 'plenty', rather than just giving 'one week', which doesn't mean anything by itself.) I still remember that when I finished my presentation ahead of time, while my roommate was still busy on her own paper, I felt that I was a little smarter and more diligent than her.

To sum up, with all the reasons above, we can safely draw the conclusion that we should start working right away, because of the limited time. Admittedly, it would be a good way to spend only one or two days in finding a good idea in order to get a coherence structure.

You have a very fine grasp of grammar and most vocabulary, so the errors you do make are mostly meaning-related in nature. Articulate your thoughts and reasoning clearly. I find it rather odd that you keep slipping into ''paper'/'assignment' in the bodies of the paragraphs, while going back to 'presentation' in the topic sentences. Please be very focused on exactly what you're supposed to be writing about - unless this is because you think they are the same thing, which they are not.

2016 fall语言学Phd申请情况叨叨帖
DMC 3表忠心花痴帖！