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发表于 2012-11-16 02:26:58 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由ヤ.魔ポ☆. 于 2012-11-16 10:56 编辑

Agree or disagree: Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. (Society)
The remarkable revolution of information technology influences our lifestyle on a large scale, especially when it comes to the increasing entertainment, such as the enjoyment we get from television programmes and movies. Thus, an argument over whether their effects on young people‘s behavior are mostly positive or not, has become a focus of attention. As I see it, the negative part is bigger.

In the first place, in terms of those who are in their infancy, the movies and television programmes, may be a decisive factor of their wrong values about life. It is easy to find that there are few movies and programmes which are proper for infants. What’s worse, an enormous amount of careless parents do not have a sense of protecting their children from the “adult movies”. Consequently the youngest ones build up their primal understanding of the world in a wrong way. Take my classmate’s cousin for example. That boy is just four years old but he has already shown a tendency to attack others for fun because he thinks that everyone can recover as fast as those protagonists often do. That is really ridiculous and worrying.

What’s more, concerning teenagers, the obsession of the fake world created by movies is pretty tough, for it’s too tantalizing to get rid of. Nowadays, for instance, what often appear on screens are soap operas made of impractical imagination. What is really worse is that many teenagers, especially girls, believe those beautiful stories are true and they fall in those dramas, dreaming to encounter an ideally wonderful man to marry with. That may not be even a problem for adults, but immature youngsters tend to waste their whole time on those illusions and throw their study out of the window. It seems that less and less meaningful programmes and movies are shown, while illusory ones appear everywhere, affecting teenagers seriously.

Moreover, the exaggeration of trivia, which is common and essential for movies to win audiences, can mislead young people to concentrate on a wrong orientation of developing themselves. Let’s start with some examples. We have seen many successful roles in diverse movies who have something in common. That is the capability to socialize, including pleasing bosses and getting along well with colleagues. It is a very important ability for work but what really becomes a problem is that young people think it the only factor of a satisfactory career. As a consequent, many university students are not keen on the basic skills of learning but the tactics to pass through an interview or flattering bosses to get a promotion. From these we can see the serious effect such movies have on young people.

To sum up, limited by their purpose of making money, movies and television programmes do not pay much attention on whether the things they show to the younger audiences is proper and in consequence, young people are given more harm than benefit from them, for the content is often misleading in many ways.
第一篇已改过的在这里~https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1475996-1-1.html 三楼~

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mpromanus
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沙发

发表于 2012-11-19 07:19:58 |只看该作者

Agree or disagree: Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

The remarkable revolution of information technology influences our lifestyle on a large scale, especially when it comes to the increasing amount of entertainment, such as the enjoyment we get from television programmes and movies.(I don't see why you need to mention IT since entertainment is not really a part of information technology – yes, the advances in IT infrastructures help in distributing entertainment and all, but that doesn't make entertainment equal with information technology. But I won't be too critical on this..) Thus, an argument over whether their effects on young people‘s behavior are mostly positive or not, has become a focus of attention. As I see it, the negative part is bigger.

In the first place, in terms of those who are in their infancy (Someone in his 'infancy' is less than 1 year old – most likely too young to be even very consciously affected by what he/she watches.), the movies and television programmes, may be a decisive factor of their wrong values about life. It is easy to find that there are few movies and programmes which are proper for infants. What’s worse, an enormous number of careless parents do not have a sense of protecting their children from the “adult movies”.(Adult movie ranges from violent but morally acceptable blockbusters like Avatar, to straight-forward porn. You need to be careful of such ambiguous phrases. Although I could imagine that you probably did not mean 'porn'..) Consequently the youngest ones build up their primal understanding of the world in a wrong way. Take my classmate’s cousin for example. That boy is just four years old but he has already shown a tendency to attack others for fun because he thinks that everyone can recover as fast as those protagonists often do. That is really ridiculous and worrying. (This is a good example and well described. But the point you're trying to illustrate with this example is rather underspecified: if the kid has learnt that protagonists recover fast in movies, then he would probably have learnt that it is good to protect humankind and save Earth too. Is the 'wrong way' the only thing a child is able to learn from movies? It's not that 'adult' movies themselves are completely wrong and will therefore impart wrong concepts about the world to children, as your statement of opinion seems to imply, but that they often contain more fictional, scientifically unsound concepts e.g. extraordinary recovery speed, than 'proper' facts, between which a child will not be able to differentiate. And this will actually allow you bring the point back to the question very nicely. Think more thoroughly. Think more about what exactly is wrong about what you think is 'wrong', rather than simply deeming things as 'wrong'.)

What’s more, concerning teenagers, the obsession of the fake world created by movies is pretty tough (You don't describe an 'obsession' as 'tough'. It is more likely 'stubborn'.), for it’s too tantalizing to get rid of. Nowadays, for instance, what often appear on screens are soap operas (These are actually TV programmes. I thought you were only talking about 'movies'.) made of impractical imagination. What is really worse is that many teenagers, especially girls, believe those beautiful stories are true and they fall in those dramas, dreaming to encounter an ideally wonderful man to marry with. That may not be even a problem for adults, but immature youngsters tend to waste all their whole time on those illusions and throw their studies out of the window.(I'm not quite sure what you mean by the 1st half of this sentence, but I have a feeling there's probably an extra 'not'.) It seems that fewer and fewer meaningful programmes and movies are shown, while illusory ones appear everywhere, affecting teenagers seriously.(This is fair effort in addressing the comparison, but it wasn't very explicit. You need to actually link this to the question: since more and more programmes of –ve impact are shown, and fewer ones of +ve impact, thus overall the impact of TV programmes and movies on teenagers are more –ve than +ve.)

Moreover, the exaggeration of trivia, which is common and essential for movies to win audiences, can mislead young people to concentrate on a wrong orientation of developing themselves. Let’s start with some examples. We have seen many successful roles in diverse movies who (A 'role' is not a person and therefore cannot be 'who'-ed. If you are talking about the personalities in movies, those are 'characters'.) have something in common. That is the capability to socialize, including pleasing bosses and getting along well with colleagues. It is a very important ability for work but what really becomes a problem is that young people think it the only factor of a satisfactory career. As a consequence, many university students are not keen on the basic skills of learning but the tactics to pass through an interview or flattering bosses to get a promotion. From these we can see the serious effect such movies have on young people.(This is a good point and well argued. I would again like more explicitness on which part of this example means '+ve effects' (the movies may inspire students to learn social skills, which is important), but what you have here is probably good enough by TOEFL standards..)

To sum up, limited by their purpose of making money, movies and television programmes do not pay much attention on whether the things they show to the younger audiences is proper and in consequence, young people are given more harm than benefit from them, for the content is often misleading in many ways.

总结：

论述进步很多嘛~笑。语法上请注意单复数。论述特别是分论点结论的时候可以再一针见血一些。。

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板凳

发表于 2012-11-19 08:51:36 |只看该作者

谢谢ro老师！

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5楼

发表于 2013-2-15 22:41:46 |只看该作者

本帖最后由ヤ.魔ポ☆. 于 2013-2-15 22:43 编辑

Do you agree or disagree: It is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if it doesn't affect your personal lives.

nowadays, it is really an interesting phenomenon that people who concentrate in only one specific aspect, paying little attention to other things, and those who seem to know almost everything happening in the world, are both highly respected. it raise up a long-lasting discussion that whether it is important for us to know about what's going on outside our personal lives. in fact, as I see it, have, at least, a rough understanding of what's in the world is crucial for everyone.

Admittedly, staying unaware of whatever happens in other places seems no harm to us. We can easily imagine living such a life, in which we only think about ourselves, caring about things connected with our own benefits such as salaries and positions. Flames of wars in the middle east or Africa are far away from our peaceful life. We just have to take care of ourselves.

However, ignorance risks our future lives. keeping living that way, we are likely to be gradually left behind and restrained in a narrow cage. This may be safe when everything remains stable, but unfortunately, the world is changing fast and we are likely to be influenced suddenly. For example, conflicts in the middle east seems not able to affect an ordinary worker of a company in China, but they really do. Fluctuations of oil prices are directly caused by the instability of the situation there, which influence the cost of the company and therefore, the salary of the worker. In a word, our lives are influenced by numerous invisible factors, if paying no attention to them, we can not really control our own lives.

In addition to that, basic social skills a basic understanding of things happening all over the world. The fundamental method of building up and maintaining relationships with others is communicating, which requires knowledge far more than what we have learned from daily experiences. People are often attracted by those who can communicate with them on their interests, and then they will know more about each other, from which friendship arise. On the contrary, those who always make others feel dull, due to their lack of knowledge, are difficult to truly build up strong links with others. Generally speaking, knowing more means more chances to create new relationships and at the same time keeping them better.

In all, although we may live a lazy but convenient and content life without knowing about what is happening around the world, for the sake of our future development in both working and social relations, it is better for us to care about the outside world.

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6楼

发表于 2013-2-16 10:01:13 |只看该作者

本帖最后由ヤ.魔ポ☆. 于 2013-9-5 16:48 编辑

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-2-15 14:41
Do you agree or disagree: It is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if ...

Do you agree or disagree: It is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if it doesn't affect your personal lives.

Nowadays, it is really an interesting phenomenon that people who concentrate in only one specific aspect, paying little attention to other things, and those who seem to know almost everything happening in the world, are both highly respected. It raises up ('raise' means 'to cause <someone/something> to rise/stand up', so you don't need 'up' with 'raise'.) a long-lasting discussion that whether it is important for us to know about what's going on outside our personal lives. In fact, as I see it, to have, at least, (I removed the commas because 'to have' is too short to warrant another set of commas immediately after. If the subject is very long, then you may want to use these extra commas, but for a short subject like 'to have', the extra commas are really just unnecessarily breaking up the sentence.) a rough understanding of what's in the world is crucial for everyone.

Admittedly, staying unaware of whatever happens in other places seems no harm to us. We can easily imagine living such a life, in which we only think about ourselves, caring about things connected with our own benefits such as salaries and positions. Flames of wars in the Middle East or Africa are far away from our peaceful lives. We just have to take care of ourselves.(Yeah, unless you are a civil engineer in the Middle East or Africa – China sends quite many people to development projects in these places because, well, our government formed 'good relations' with many countries there..I don't intend to go full scale on politics and diplomacy here so the point is: qualify your statements carefully. If you're talking only about people working/living in places other than the Middle East/Africa right now, this paragraph is perfectly fine, but by not qualifying 'we', you run the danger of making an overly sweeping statement. Of course, as usual, I wouldn't expect TOEFL examiners to be this picky, but I reckon it's beneficial to start early with good practices in thinking.)

However, ignorance risks our future lives. Keeping living that way, we are likely to be gradually left behind and restrained in a narrow cage. This may be safe when everything remains stable, but unfortunately, the world is changing fast and we are likely to be influenced suddenly. For example, conflicts in the Middle East seems not able to affect an ordinary worker of a company in China (There, that's your hidden qualification of who the 'we' were in your previous paragraph..), but they really do. Fluctuations of oil prices are directly caused by the instability of the situation there, which influence the cost of the company and therefore, the salary of the worker. In a word, our lives are influenced by numerous invisible (If it's really 'invisible', you won't be able to see it coming at all, which would be something like a crazy lunatic who decided out of the blue to walk into a cinema and shoot at the people there. The relation between the tension in the Middle East and world economy, on the other hand, is actually quite obvious, if not straight-forward. I'd probably just say 'indirect' or 'unobvious'.) factors, if paying no attention to them (This needs to be a new sentence.), we cannot really control our own lives.

In addition to that, basic social skills a basic understanding of things happening all over the world (I don't get this sentence. Seems like a main verb is missing.). The fundamental method of building up and maintaining relationships with others is communicating, which requires knowledge far more than what we have learned from daily experiences. People are often attracted by those who can communicate with them on their interests, and then they will know more about each other, from which friendship arises. On the contrary, those who always make others feel dull (I know what you mean but this is actually ambiguous as to who is dull here – it could be either the subject or the object of 'make'.), due to their lack of knowledge, are difficult to truly build up strong links with others. Generally speaking, knowing more means more chances to create new relationships and at the same time keeping them better.(If your argument is just 'knowing more', then I could easily challenge you, as knowing more doesn't necessarily mean knowing a lot of different things happening around the world. One can know a lot by knowing something really well while remaining oblivious to other irrelevant happenings in the world – and worse, you yourself mentioned this very scenario in the opening sentence of this essay. So your introduction backfires on your own point. What makes this knowledge about the world important is really its variety, not sheer quantity.)

In all, although we may live a lazy but convenient and content life without knowing about what is happening around the world, for the sake of our future development in both working and social relations (I don't see where 'future development in working relations' was discussed. Your first point was about lives being affected by indirect factors that we need to be aware of to wield better control – not quite what you've summarised here in the conclusion.), it is better for us to care about the outside world.

总结：

啊，请注意大小写。。论述的点很好，例子也很好，但是论证不够到位噢，请继续往一针见血努力

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7楼

发表于 2013-2-19 13:41:34 |只看该作者

ro大这篇和去年的一样的题目，但我支持的观点相反~是说我还是觉得我废话太多半天说不到点上==
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.

Nowadays, the influences that movies and television have on our society become significantly deeper than any other time. However, such increasing effects do give rise to a heated discussion about whether the roles they play in young people’s life are negative or not. In fact, I thoroughly maintain that the influences movies and television bring about on young people are mostly positive.

Admittedly, lots of television programmes and movies shown today seem to be not suitable for kids from many parents’ judgement. Although appeals for healthier and milder content, for the sake of children’s spiritual growth, have been pushed for many years, there are also a large number of movies and television filled with eye-catching scenes involved with sex and violence. Such scenes may affect kids negatively on the process of building up their habits and values. Nevertheless, we can not deny the more positive effects movies and television have on kids for the following reasons.

In the first place, the majority of movies and programmes are following the fundamental value of society, which are pursuits for virtues. Many movies which are praising courage and insistence in the face of dangers, catastrophes or moral dilemmas, such as the prevailing superhero movies, though inevitably including thrilling factors to seize more attention, the theme they deliver through the whole movie is to encourage strong resolve to fight against difficulties. This is the most impressive message such movies pass to children through many years, and consequently, we can see lots of adults remember their childish dreams of being heroes to protect the world and such dreams do urge them to be dauntless, while they mostly forget the specific scenes they saw.

What’s more, the knowledge given by movies and television are very important for most children who are very likely to have few chances to travel around the world to experience everything on their own. We have various kinds of scientific programmes and films telling warm stories which are both interesting and meaningful, and they are particularly the best tool for parents who want to give their children vivid lessons about what the world is like. At the same time, many lectures are given conveniently through the media, and children can know about the inspiring life about many successful people, which will definitely help them build up right values and broaden their horizons. Such advantages can efficiently benefit children and if simply cut away movies and television from children to avoid the negative part which seems negative, the loss outweighs the gains.

Generally speaking, though movies may have some inappropriate influence on young people, the positive effects are obviously more in terms of their inspiring themes and wide range of knowledge given.

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8楼

发表于 2013-2-20 08:23:42 |只看该作者

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-2-19 05:41
ro大这篇和去年的一样的题目，但我支持的观点相反~是说我还是觉得我废话太多半天说不到点上==
Do you agre ...

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.

Nowadays, the influences that movies and television have on our society become significantly deeper than any other time. However, such increasing effects do give rise to a heated discussion about whether the roles they play in young people’s lives are negative or not. In fact (This implies whatever that came before was not, or at least was not complete 'fact', which doesn't make sense since your previous sentence was really trying to describe a debatable point rather than a piece of 'fact'..unless we are talking about 'a heated discussion' itself rather than what was being discussed. If that's what 'in fact' is stemming from, then you're expected to say something like 'in fact, this discussion <blah>' and gave some more details about the discussion itself. Other than this I don't see why you need to use 'in fact' here. If you want to express the idea that you're expressing your truthful opinion then just use the simple 'in my opinion'.), I thoroughly maintain that the influences movies and television bring about on young people are mostly positive.

Admittedly, lots of television programmes and movies shown today seem to be not suitable for kids from many parents’ judgement. Although appeals for healthier and milder contents, for the sake of children’s spiritual growth, have been pushed for for many years, there are also ('also' means whatever the subject of this sentence serves some kind of similar purpose to what the previous sentence has expressed, which would mean the relationship between the two sentences are not one of 'although'..with all that said, you probably just meant 'still'.) a large number of movies and television programmes filled with eye-catching scenes involved with sex and violence. Such scenes may affect kids negatively on the process of building up their habits and values (If you omit 'who' is doing the 'building up', then it's assumed to be the same acting agent in the main sentence i.e. the 'scenes', which makes no sense here.). Nevertheless, we cannot deny the more positive effects movies and television have on kids for the following reasons.

In the first place, the majority of movies and programmes are following the fundamental values of the society, which are pursuits for virtues. Many movies which are praising courage and insistence in the face of dangers, catastrophes or moral dilemmas, such as the prevailing superhero movies, though inevitably including thrilling factors to seize more attention, the theme they deliver through the whole movie (Please keep in mind that you're using mostly plurals. Maybe 'through their entire lengths'.) is to encourage strong resolve to fight against difficulties (If you trim away all the qualification on the movies, then this sentence reduces to 'many movies, the theme they deliver is to..', which is only acceptable in informal contexts. I'll say just break up this huge sentence.). This is the most impressive message such movies pass to children through many years, and consequently, we can see lots of adults remember their childish (This particular adjective has a –ve connotation meaning 'naïve, simple, impulsive like a child is'. And the phrase is actually 'childhood dreams'.) dreams of being heroes to protect the world and such dreams do urge them to be dauntless, while they mostly forget the specific scenes they saw. (The question is meant for you compare between the scale of +ve and –ve impact, so a mention of forgetting specific scenes is not a relevant detail. Now if you said something like they remembered the good guys and forgot about the bad guys, then this example would serve your point much better. Shape your example in the way that it would aptly demonstrate the kind of argument for your point, rather than trying to force your argument through an example.)

What’s more, the knowledge given by movies and television is very important for most children who are very likely to have few chances (You're embedding a negation within an affirmation, which would be very taxing to read – your reader must interpret the hidden negative meaning of 'few' after they started to expect something on the positive scale since 'very likely'. The final sentence is not wrong. It's just harder to read than a straight-forward 'most children who are unlikely to have any/many chance/chances to travel around the world'.) to travel around the world to experience everything on their own. We have various kinds of scientific programmes and films telling warm stories which are both interesting and meaningful, and they are particularly the best tool for parents who want to give their children vivid lessons about what the world is like. At the same time, many lectures are given conveniently through the media ('the media' covers everything from newspapers to facebook pages. It doesn’t mean the same thing as 'movies and TV'.), and children can know about the inspiring lives of many successful people, which will definitely help them build up the right values and broaden their horizons. Such advantages can efficiently benefit children and if simply cut away movies and television from children to avoid the negative part which seems negative(1. 'the negative part which seems negative'? = = 2. this 'if' clause needs a subject. You seem to have a tendency to get the structure wrong in such clauses.), the loss outweighs the gains.

Generally speaking, though movies (And what about TV?) may have some inappropriate influence on young people, the positive effects are obviously more in terms of their inspiring themes and wide range of knowledge given.

总结：

总体上没神马太大问题啊。。主要的点都是语用上的。。没觉得废话过多嘛，只是第一个论点段的例子还是嫌不够一针见血嘛。。一针见血不是说一定没有废话，是说一个例子的描述方式直接能切合论点要证明的东西就行了