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leelaugh
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发表于 2012-12-15 01:13:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 leelaugh 于 2012-12-15 01:17 编辑

  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that can have fun with you than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.
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  Friend is the indispensable part of our daily life. When it comes to the criteria, some people would like to consort friends depended on how they can have fun, while others maybe choose friends who could provide assistance when them sink in the dilemma. As far as I'm concerned, I'm willing to know some friends who could help me when I need.
Admittedly, we need friends to sharing us happiness in order to enhance our felling of happy. At least according the psychological study, it is significant that people perceive a emotion with comparison. However, these friend seems only emerge when your all enjoy the moment, have you ever imagined that who will care your heart when you encounter some difficulties?
There is a well-know saying that a friend in need is friend indeed. You could see so many people who could get along with you when you in the summit and success, then leaving you when you experience the difficulties. For instance, Zhu Yuanzhang, the first emperor of Ming dynasty in China, he had been a soldier in the troops. Once he was slander steal the treasure of general, those friends who always got along with him almost became strange, they didn’t talking with him and eating together. Only a friend called Xuda explained the situation to the general so that Zhu Yuanzhang escaped from the blame. As we all know, he eventually became excellent emperor and said that the most intimate and most grateful friend is Xuda. From this we could clearly see that only these friends who being willing to help you are the “real” friend.
Another reason I favor the helping friend is, in general, that consorting many ''real friend' is vital in your life. Because they could encourage you pick up you heart and give some advice to you. I can attest than. The most difficult moment for me was when I prepared the examination of university admission. Especially for English, it is so hard for me since I had no long time to talk in English, I could bare open my mouth, let alone, how could completed the test within time limitation. I was upset and almost lose heart. My friend Tom saw me one day and he inspired me by saying that if I couldn't overcome that task, how could I survive in the states and make my dream come true. And he suggested that I should make a well-organize plan to divide my goal into several smaller parts, which are attractive and attainable. Just like that he suggested, I gradually had the faith in conquering it. Days by days, the more I practiced, the more confidence I gained.
  To sum up, friends no means fun although having fun is the important part of live. Indeed, we really need friend to together some trials, which also result in the extremely familiar relationship.

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mpromanus
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发表于 2012-12-18 10:45:31 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2012-12-18 02:49 编辑

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that can have fun with you than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.

A friend is the indispensable part of our daily lives (If you use 'the', it means a friend is the one and only indispensable part of your life.). When it comes to the criteria (Again, if you use 'the', the noun phrase must be specific, e.g. 'the criteria of choosing a friend'. It cannot be just 'the criteria'.), some people would like to consort with friends depending on how they can have fun, while others maybe choose friends who could provide assistance when they sink in the dilemma (Again, if you use 'the', it has to be a specific dilemma of something. It cannot be used to mean the abstract, generic idea of 'a dilemma' or 'dilemmas'. The generic usage of 'the' + singular noun to mean an abstract idea is actually limited and almost always used in a very specific, scientific context, e.g. 'The blue whale is the largest mammal.'). As far as I'm concerned, I'm willing to know some friends who could help me when I need them/it/the help ('need' must have an object. You can't just say 'I need'. It has to be 'I need <something/someone>.').

Admittedly, we need friends to share with us happiness in order to enhance our feeling of happiness (the feeling of happiness == happiness, so this sentence is in fact quite redundant..). At least according the psychological study (This means there is one singular, specific psychological study you want to talk about, but you didn't really specify which study this is. Again, you seem to throw 'the' into places where you should have used 'a/an'.), it is significant that people perceive an emotion with comparison (I'm not really sure what it means to 'perceive an emotion with comparison'. What kind of comparison?). However, these friends seems only emerge when your all (Why 'all'? The 'you' so far seems to be just a singular 2nd person.) enjoy the moment. Have you ever imagined that who will care for your heart (I guess you really meant 'care for your emotions'.) when you encounter some difficulties (I am very perplexed as to why Chinese students like to add 'some' to countable plural nouns, because even in Chinese you don't actually always say 当你遇到一些困难的时候, rather you would just say 当你遇到困难的时候..)?

There is a well-known saying that a friend in need is a friend indeed. You could see so many people who could get along with you when you are in the summit and successful, then leave you when you experience the difficulties. For instance, Zhu Yuanzhang, the first emperor of the Ming dynasty in China, he had been a soldier in the troops ('the' troops of whom?). Once he was slandered to have stolen the treasure of the general (Here you do need to use 'the' because it is understood that you're talking about 'the' general of the troops that you mentioned previously as the context for this sentence. Once you tell your readers who the troops are, their general becomes a specific, known person – that's why 'the' is called the definite article. But you can't use 'the' troops in the previous sentence because before that sentence there was no prior context as to who these troops are. This is like, when you tell a fairy tale, you always begin like this: 'once upon a time there was a prince and a princess. The prince loved the princess..' and you never start with 'the' in the very first sentence, unless it is specific like 'once upon a time the prince of the Kingdom of Darion met the princess of the Empire of Emerodios..' One simple rule you could use is to ask: is the reader able to fill in the <of/which...> part in the phrase 'the <noun> <of/which ...>', with the information I have given him so far? If not, you probably shouldn't use 'the'.), those friends who always got along with him almost became strangers. They didn’t talking with him and eating together. Only a friend called Xuda explained the situation to the general so that Zhu Yuanzhang escaped from the blame. As we all know, he eventually became an excellent emperor and said that the most intimate and most grateful friend is Xuda. From this we could clearly see that only these friends who are willing to help you are the “real” friends.

Another reason I favor the helping friend is, in general, that consorting with many ''real friend's is vital in your life. Because they could encourage you to pick up you heart (I'm guessing you probably meant something more like 'pick up your courage'..you seem to use 'heart' to mean an array of things.) and give some advice to you. I can attest than (?). The most difficult moment for me was when I prepared for the examination of university admission. Especially for English: it was so hard for me since I had not a long time to talk in English, and I could barely open my mouth, let alone to completed the test within the time limitation. I was upset and almost lost heart. My friend Tom saw me one day and he inspired me by saying that if I couldn't overcome that task, how could I (This needs to be inversed as 'I could', because you are still quoting indirectly what your friends says, which means this sentence is not actually a question.) survive in the states and make my dream come true. And he suggested that I should make a well-organized plan to divide my goal into several smaller parts, which are attractive and attainable. Just like that he suggested, I gradually had the faith in conquering it (What is 'it'? It can't be your 'goal' because goals are not conquered but achieved or attained.). Days by days, the more I practiced, the more confidence I gained. (I don't really see how this is relevant to the point. If you had friends who could have had fun with you and cheered you up, it would probably also have helped to lighten your mood and helped you, in a way. In other words, you didn't relate this example back to the question itself, and you didn't really make any particular conclusion as to how the effect of having your helpful friend was more important than having a friend who you could have fun with, so I as a reader am not obliged to draw the conclusion that you intend me to draw from this paragraph.)

To sum up, friends no means fun (This is not a proper sentence.) although having fun is the important part of live. Indeed, we really need friends to be together through some trials, which also result in the extremely familiar relationship (This was not mentioned at all in your essay. Your essay instruction books might tell you otherwise but as far as my essay-writing philosophy goes, in the conclusion, do not, repeat, do not try to cover things that you didn't properly address in the body of your essay. If you do that, your essay becomes incomplete – it will not be 'comprehensive' or 'elevated' as you might have hoped.).

总结：

嗯，写到最后时间大概很紧张但是至少请避免结论段几乎全是错句这样的程度。。论述上来说虽然第二个分论段没有比较也没有点题，但算是过得去，主要的问题是句法和表意。。尤其是定冠词the的滥用，请特别注意。。

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