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Re: Issue131(艺术类)
我也没写过艺术类的,勉强改一下吧,大家见笑了
题目
Issue131
“The arts(painting, music, literature) reveal the othrewise hidden ideas and impulses of a society。”
首先我觉得题目的otherwise很可疑,是否改翻译成其他方面,如果是的,那么,“其他方面”之前的“这个”方面应该是什么方面呢?是否是painting,music,literature等被默认为应该揭示的方面呢?那么,题目的意思是否就是说art揭示了除了它本身范畴之外的ideas and impulses of society呢?想来想去没想明白?是不是我想多了想错了?
正文————————————————
Ever since the first artistic work comes into being, artistic works begin to serve to reveal the artists inner emotion(emotions?)
and hidden ideas of society.(是要让步吗?先承认题目的观点部分正确》?那么我觉得inner emotion 就该放在后面的句子说,然后ideas后面把impulse补上,于题目对应)
At the same(time?)
, the function (functions?)
of art also includes displaying beauty and bringing people pleasure. Therefore, the author's assertion has some merit, but it does not fairly generalize the function of art. Although art can reveal hidden ideas and impulses of society, it also has other functions.(观点是speaker的论断不完整,从艺术的function来说还有reveal inner emotion, display beauty和bring pleasure。题目说的是艺术对社会的function,然后你对应提到除此之外还有对于人的function,部分赞同,对吗?我是这样理解的。那么下面写的body3段应该跟你提出的3个补充function对应吧)
First, focusing our attention on literature, we tend to realize that literary works, which seemingly serve to reveal artists' inner emotion, actually reflect the hidden ideas and impulses of society. (TS吧,但是好像跟我想的不一样,怎么承认题目的观点了呢?)
It is because that the literature is based on past or current historical background. Admittedly, what distinguishes literature from purely objective account is it involves in artists' personal emotions and ideas(我觉得论述的不够,有主观想法的不一定就是文学作品,可能只是subjective account)
. However, the literary work, in essence, mainly mirror the social value and impulses, while author's emotion serves to make it vivid and more subjective. (是要说emotion只是陪衬,揭示社会才是重点?那么这段是要完全赞同题目吧)
Taking the Mark Twain's artistic work as example, his novels primarily reflect the people's view of slavery in 19th century in Missouri area, although his personal idea is involved in. (这么说有点狭隘吧,他的作品主旨不只这么一点吧)
Another compelling example is Charles Dickens' novels disclose the value system of people in Britain in 19 century by depicting the affliction of children and poor as well as attitude of surrounding people.(同样的问题,或者你举具体书的例子更好,个人意见)
Obviously, his works serve mainly to reveal (serve to reveal用了好几次,是否能换成别的形式)
the hidden ideas and impulses of society. In a word, the literature, without involving any hidden social ideas and impulses, is meaningless, (why?)
even though it is fraught with author's personal emotion.(我觉得B1的论述不够有力,只说结论,没说为什么,说服力不强。而且我觉得最好反过来写,让步一下承认有题目提到的society的ideas什么的问题,更重要的是inner emotion。才对应你开头的观点说题目的论述不完整。)
Similarly, as for architectural works, they also serve to reveal the social value rather than convey personal ideas. (这段也是同意艺术对社会的作用吗?那么是否你首段的观点就该修改了?)
Since architectural works are always funded by authority or religious groups(?该是经济的团体吧,为什么是宗教团体啊)
, which represent the social ideas, the artistic works in architecture actually reflect the social value. A Byzantine cathedral, for instance, which is featured by excessive embellishment, advocates a concern with sumptuous lives. On the other hand, A Gothic church, which is characterized by grandeur, stresses the solemn atmosphere. It serves to reflect people's piety to God. In short, architectural masterpieces also serve to reveal social hidden value.(觉得例子有点牵强,至少和上面说的由谁资助的关系不大,所以since那句我觉得该改成由于建筑都是处在一定历史和社会环境中,所以会反映社会价值。而且,我觉得你举的例子更像是反应历史的概念而不是社会的价值。另外,我现在对你总的观点有点糊涂了)
However, shifting our focus from architecture to painting, it is tempting to realize that the first and foremost function of painting is conveying painter's personal emotion rather than revealing social ideas.(B3终于开始出现反对的意见了)
Unlike architecture, portraits(这个该包括在painting里,不该拿出来比啊)
, usually, are not subsidized by any people other than painters themselves.(painting也可能是资助的,而且前文对资助和艺术function影响的关系论述的不清)
Therefore, they could depict what they desire to express. The Degas' portrait of Absinthe Drinker, for example, depicts a picture in which a dejected women is drinking absinthe, which is deemed to be addictive and lethal, to release her depression. The whole picture absolutely reflects Degas's personal view about lives, irrelevant of social value and hidden ideas. In the same way, his another picture Combing the Hair completely results from his aesthetic view, regardless of social value and hidden ideas.(例子不是太好,其实他个人思想就反应了社会的ideas我觉得,而且应该是当时社会的环境造成,或者是一种普遍的思想。例子不是太典型)
In short, since the process of creating a masterpiece in painting involves no subsidy from outside, the painter has no responsibility to take society into consideration. Thus, the portrait tends to purely reflect painters' personal interests.(这个观点也不是太能站的住,如果你说建筑是因为对资助者有责任才反应社会的ideas,那么文学总不是这样吧,何况建筑也并非如此。从你的观点推出,如果艺术揭示社会的ideas和impulses,那么它一定是因为被资助而有责任来这样做。不通吧)
To sum up, Despite that paintings tend to reflect painters' personal ideas rather than othrewise social hidden impulses, other artists' works such as architecture and literature serve to reflect social value.(最后的结尾和开头的观点没什么联系啊,现在我觉得开头你让步了哪个承认了哪个我都不清楚了。而结尾象是没有时间了草草而就。本来3段写得就散,结尾也没联系上。而且看了结尾我觉得3段更孤立了。我觉得是可能是开始就没想好,写写就跑了,还有,开头的beauty和pleasure哪去了啊?)
总体来说文章有点跑,用词也有点单一。艺术的文章确实不好写,以上的观点只是我个人的意见,楼主别怪我哦:) |
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