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回复 #3 cynthial 的帖子
题目:ARGUMENT142- The article entitled 'Eating Iron' in last month's issue of Eating for Healthreported that a recent study found a correlation between high levels of iron inthe diet and an increased risk of heart disease. Further, it is wellestablished that there is a link between large amounts of red meat in the dietand heart disease, and red meat is high in iron. On the basis of the study and thewell-established link between red meat and heart disease, we can conclude thatthe correlation between high iron levels and heart disease, then, is mostprobably a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.
字数:504 用时:0:50:22唉,最短的一次了,不知道什么时候能限时亚 日期:2007-2-26
Outline:
1. 含铁量和心脏病的发病率不一定成正比
2. 含量高不代表实际吸收的多
3. 吸收铁多的人不一定是因为这个原因才得心脏病的
4. 通过红肉推出铁元素的推理反了
In this argument, the arguer concludes that high iron levels results in heart disease.//作者在文中的结论并非如此,作者在文中cite了两个观点1 a recent study found a correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease 2 it is well established that there is a link between large amounts of red meat in the diet and heart disease, and red meat is high in iron.结论是we can conclude that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease, then, is most probably a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.
To bolster this conclusion, the arguer cites a recent study and makes a [presumption] of the correlation between red meat and heart disease. This argument suffers from a series of logical flaws, which renders it unpersuasive as it stands.(关于开头你有什么好的建议呢?)//开头好像没啥特别方法吧,当然前提是非特大牛,呵呵
First and foremost; no evidence is offered to support the conclusion that high levels of iron in the diet must leads to an increased risk of heart disease. According to the argument, only a correlation between amount of red meat and heart disease could be found.//着一句有待商榷,为什么认为第一个引用有问题时,却认为第二个没问题呢,也许两个都有问题啊 Apparently, the arguer fails to consider such correlation as negative. //收藏句It is highly possible that people, who always eat large amounts of red meat, are more likely to prevent themselves from suffering heart disease, since certain unknown materials in red meat facilitate human being blood circulation. These scenarios, if true, would serve to undermine the rationality of the arguer's assertion.//例子不错
In addition, even if I concede that such diet, high in iron spelt the high risk of heart disease, it is presumptive to conclude that iron is the most important factor of heart disease.//让步用的好 It is entirely possible that not one iota of iron contained in diet can be "really" be assimilated(当时想不起来了用别的了,很白痴的用了eat汗) by those people who have heart disease, since the way of cooking red meat, such as frying, leads iron to not be absorbed. Or perhaps other parts of certain diet such as cholesterol//有水准阿 and calcium cause the disease. It is well known that eating too much fat is harmful to public health. Until the argument accounts for these possibilities, I can not be persuaded that iron is the key to heart disease.
Moreover, even though//去掉 the argument can substantiate above assumption, it is still unreasonable to assume that high levels of iron in red meat are crucial to heart disease of such people who often eat amounts of red meat. The arguer overlooks other more important possibilities. It might be the case that certain people prefer to red meat, including athletes. Though their bodies always seems strong, most of them suffers from heart disease because of their over physical exercises and a variety of hurts, according to many experts’ research. (这样是不是好些呢)//是的,但是前置更好Or perhaps such people would like drinking and smoking which considerably destroy their bodies and hearts. Without ruling out every factor attributable to disease of those people, the conclusion is completely unwarranted
Finally, it is ungrounded to conclude that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease hinges on//好词 the correlation between red meat and heart disease. To substantiate his conclusion, not only the study of the red meat, but also other studies of variety of food including high levels of iron should be made by the arguer to presume that almost all such food may result in heart disease. However, as a common sense, those people who always eat much food high in iron such as vegetables and fishes are healthy, with no disease of their hearts. Without considering such possibility, the conclusion is not reliable.(其实我想说的是,如果作者要证明是红肉里的铁元素导致的心脏病,那么他至少要确认所有已知的高含铁量的食品都是这样的,才可能推理真正确,呵呵,当时看逻辑学上讲的。不知道用的是不是地方)//逻辑是正确的,可是看英文有点头痛,当然也许是我水平原因哦
To sum up, lacing enough evidence and reasonable analysis, the arguer's conclusion is not convincing. To make his suggestion more attractive, the arguer needs to take further study to prove itis feasible//这个词不太合适,其他都好 and effective.
可以看出来楼主很用心,语言也经过了努力的锤炼,除了开头的一点点失误,好文章! |
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