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本帖最后由 bernina 于 2009-3-25 09:13 编辑
The University of Claria is generally considered one of the best universities in the world because of its instructors' reputation, which is based primarily on the extensive research and publishing record of certain faculty members.In addition, several faculty members are internationally renowned as leaders in their fields.
For example, many of the faculty from the English department are regularly invited to teach at universities in other countries.Furthermore, two recent graduates of the physics department have gone on to become candidates for the Nobel Prize in Physics.And 75 percent of the students are able to find employment after graduating.Therefore, because of the reputation of its faculty, the University of Claria should be the obvious choice for anyone seeking a quality education.:
还是先来看题目:
这篇是做广告类,通篇都说uc怎么怎么好,好了,按照习惯我们分以下部分
作者目的:宣传uc,让大家都来这。
因为:1,教师方面:8 X instructors' reputation 好 为什么呢?
G
因为1)extensive research
2)publishing record
另外:several faculty members are internationally renowned as leaders in their fields.
注意:举例子啦!
英语系的老师相继到别的国家去教课
注意这里:这里的举例子其实就是作者的逻辑推理,他的逻辑是,因为这点所以他们的很多老师称得上是行业的领头人,
大家想想,能这么推理么?
2,学生方面:41) 物理系的部分毕业生成为np的candidates
2)75%的毕业生能找到工作。
所以:the University of Claria should be the obvious choice for anyone seeking a quality education.
好了,这就是短文的全部推理。我们的思路就是,一上来看到作者目的是做广告,就找作者的理由,为什么说他好,并且找出它的逻辑漏洞,大家可以自己想想先。
我们看范文是怎么说的
为
While the University of Claria appears to have an excellent reputation based on the accomplishments and reputations of its faculty, one would also wish to consider other issues
before deciding upon this particular institution for undergraduate or graduate training. The(1) Physics and English departments are internationally known, but these are only two of the areas in which one might study.Other departments are not listed; is this because no others are worth mentioning, or because no other departments bothered to turn in their accomplishments and kudos to the publicity office?
绿色的绿色的:一下把短文的目的打击了~大家看到没?作者承认了excellent reputation based on the accomplishments and reputation,大家想,为什么作者不去质疑这点呢?因为这点作者根本就没有对此进行逻辑推理,这是陈述个事实,这样的情况我们以后也可以考虑不去质疑。
橙色的,我标出第一点,是作者给出的第一个建议,仅仅两个专业不能说明问题应该也说说别的专业,关于physics and english,大家看,短文里说several faculty members are internationally renowned as leaders in their fields这个观点是怎么进行论证的?就是说关于english department的老师去国外教学和 physics的学生参加np,首段里仅仅提了这两点,质疑短文说“你怎么仅仅说了这两个专业呢,那别的呢”这个就是典型的用特殊掩盖一般,但是作者并没有用专业的表达,而用了反问句,我觉得这样的表达特别好,我们可以借鉴
*The assumption is that because English and Physics have excellent brains in the faculty offices, their teaching skills and their abilities to pass on knowledge and the love of learning to their students are equally laudable.
(2)Unfortunately, this is often not the case. A prospective student would certainly be advised to investigate thoroughly the (1)teaching talents and attitudes of the professors, the (2)library and research facilities, the
(3)physical plant of the departments in which he or she was planning to study, as well as the (4)living arrangements on or off campus, and the(5)facilities available for leisure activities and entertainment.
橙色的(2)是作者的第二点建议,难道老师水平高就能代表他会教学么,你应该说说老师的教学能力和愿不愿意从学生身上学到东西?这段我标上个星星,有些问题,大家可以想想~~
蓝色的是作者给出的他因,这个很好想到
This evaluation of the University of Claria is too brief, and too general. Nothing is mentioned about the quality of overall education; it only praises the accomplishments of a few recent graduates and professors.(3)More important thaninvitations to teach elsewhere, which might have been engineered by their own departmental heads in an attempt to remove them from the campus for a semester or two, is the relationship between teacher and student.) Are the
(1)teaching faculty approachable? (2)Are they helpful? Have they an interest in passing on their knowledge? (3)Are they working for the future benefit of the student or to get another year closer to retirement? (4)How enthusiastic are the students about the courses being taught and the faculty members who teach those classes? Are there sufficient classes available for the number of students? (6)Are the campus buildings accessible; how is the University handling all those cars?
(7)Is the University a pleasant, encouraging, interesting, challenging place to attend school? (5)What are its attitudes about education, students, student ideas and innovations, faculty suggestions for improvement?
绿色的粗体是作者给出的他因,绿色的数字是作者认为的老师重要的品质,大家看我这里面有蓝色的,不是我脑抽,我也不敢在这抽,还有那数字,也不是因为我不会数数,到底因为什么大家可以想想~~
橙色的作者给出的第三点建议
What about that 75% employment record? Were those students employed in the field of their choice, or are they flipping burgers and emptying wastebaskets while they search for something they are trained to do. (4)A more specific statement about the employability of students from this University is needed in order to make the argument forceful.
The paragraph given merely scratches the surface of what must be said about this University in order to entice students and to convince them that this is the best place to obtain a quality education. (总)Much more work is needed by the public relations department before this can be made into a four-color brochure and handed out to prospective students.
第四点建议:应该多多谈谈学生的就业能力才能让你这个文章有说服力
绿色的是作者相关质疑,
最后作者说,要是想让你的广告更有说服力,你就应该考虑全面。作者还是站在短文的立场,在帮他补充漏洞,而不是上来就把它怒斥一通,这点是我们写所有a应该注意的~~
现在来总体看下
大家思考什么学校才能算是好学校?
一,
硬件设施
校内环境,学校设施,图书馆,体育场,教学楼,寝室,实验室等等~~~ 大家brainstorming~~
二,
软件设施
老师水平,教学能力,教学态度,学生成绩,毕业生就业率继续Brainstorming
但是广告并没有完全把这些都包括,所以他不能说服人,当大家自己看了这个广告后有没有被吸引?没有吧,那就说明他是失败的广告!所以我们应该给他补充漏洞,让他能够说服人!
看看范文,我说这个范文和上篇相比简直差距很大,结构有点乱,我标出*的那段,举得例子并不是有关老师their teaching skills and their abilities to pass on knowledge and the love of learning to their students的,而成了说硬件设施怎么怎么样,我觉得不好。
而到了body2,还是应该说老师的,说着说着就跑到学校建设那里了,这就是我为什么要把那两条标成蓝色的原因了
蓝色是硬件设施,绿色是软件设施。
Body3 放在这里很突兀,也是写学生的,就应该都归类到软件里一起写,为此comments 也进行了批评,大家要注意
我们现在来挖掘一下comments对这篇文章的表扬和批评,看看我们能学到什么:
表扬:
1,表扬了作者的四点逻辑补充,说“the writer probes each questionable assumption and offers alternative explanations, pointing out, for instance”注意这里,特别提出了作者的两点逻辑补充:“That invitations for faculty to teach elsewhere may have been purposely arranged in order to temporarily remove them from campus and that the employed students may be "flipping burgers and emptying wastebaskets"" 这点告诉我们,当我们论证的时候也应该给出其他原因,并且举出例子使其更有说服力,还有作者给出的这两个他因,我们读下来感觉很合理,所以我们在写文章的时候,不要抓住细枝末节不放,而是要找出他的大的逻辑漏洞予以补充。
2, 表扬了作者给出的他因,也就是短文忘记说的硬件设施的情况,“ideally one would also ask about reserach facilities, the university's physical plant, availability of classes, even the parking arrangements!”最后一点还给了个感叹号,说明高度评价了作者的思维全面性,把所有应该考虑的问题都说到了,这个告诉我们,如果我们想的时候也要尽量想到更多的可能性,来展示我们的思维全面性。
3, 表扬了几个用词:kudos,laudable, engineered, entice 现在大家就把这些记下来,还有文章中相应的句子,在我们写的时候,这些词就是我们的亮点了,我给大家两个解释:
kudos: an expression of approval and commendation
syn: praise,congratulation, extolment
当我们想表达praise的时候就请顺手打成kudos吧
engineer: (V) plan and direct=matermind, direct, organize, orchestrate
当我们想说organize的时候,想想能不能用engineer 呢?
批评:就是那个75% ,放在那里太突兀
我认为:我之前说文章很乱,就是在这里,觉得没有分好类,如果我写的话,我会在body1写软件设施,body2写硬件设施,我觉得这样的话就会清楚一些,大家觉得呢? |
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