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TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
With the rapid development of society, people pays more attention on children's education for the reason that they realized the significant role of education plays in the children's entire life. Well educated children attain compliment from every occupations of people, gain more opportunities in job hunting, complete their own academic and life skills, etc.(开头的用于说明教育重要的这部分太冗长,建议精简,开头本来就应该简洁,否则人家看了还以为你要说“教育应该得到更高重视”) Hence a higher requirement standard for faculty in school, who served as one of the most sufficient influence resources of children's foster process. The speaker recommends that all faculty in university and college should attend jobs which relates to their teaching discipline outside their academic world. In my viewpoint, undoubtedly the recommendation might possess certain positive aspects, while if it conducted in inappropriate form, negative sides might soon cover the positive ones.(这句写的比较好)
Admittedly, the positive effects of faculty attaining a job outside academia involves several aspects. In the first place, enormous disciplines require instructors to renew and improve their knowledge in consideration of unpredictable changing pace of technology, culture and relationship between people(不懂). For instance, instructors in business fields such as economic management teachers cannot simply ignore the giant difference between strategies that managers apply to regulate their employees in modern society and those in the past. Overemphasis on competition of individuals have already taken place by double avenues of interactions, which means cooperation in large spheres while competition in relatively smaller aspects, in order to gain the win-win situation(是在说竞争与合作吧,于此题…关联性不强). Under such circumstances, outdated informations(information无复数) and suggestions will instructors convey to students, which give birth to complains(complaints) from them like they cannot smoothly utilize their knowledge acquired in class in their job. Hence the observation that faculty in such fields actually benefits students if they take the recommendation into practice.
In the second place, not only students who can receive better effects, but also instructor themselves.(语法错误not only can students receive better effects, but also instructors themselves ) Working outside academic field might arouse their passion of being continuously educate in respect that pure knowledge outlet might cause unreasonable self-satisfaction and narrow view horizon, in this case the quality of instruction will be impeded and limited.(建议到装) For instance, for the reason that students are require to focus on simply grammar issues and analysis it through fragment of words, professionals teach language might considered it as an subject that remain no potential to explore, nonetheless, brand new holiness will (be)available for them if they pursue a job that combine intricate history and language as a whole, or embrace language into diplomacy spectrum. More complicated and compelling situations, or even powerful competitors will professors face than merely inculcate students, thus attribute to them more splendid academic prospect. Moreover,(the) faculty are able to build reputation during their temporary career, or pick up students while they meet someone talented in specific field.
Nevertheless, more particular situation should also take into account in order to offer further reflection to the recommendation. Primarily, there exist certain disciplines such as mathematics or physics that might unnecessary to administrate the recommendation. It is readily for people to figure out that professors in pure theorize subjects actually demand quiet and undisturbed working environments, and college and university tend to appear as extreme archetypes. Milestones in physics throughout history manifest the insignificant status of practical experience in social extent and skills to communicate and associate with partners, while what indeed contributed were abundant equipments in laboratory and books filled with data and methods from ancestors (predecessors). Consequently, the more those professors dedicate themselves to career outside academia, the more(该为much) lower education quality will they create, and the execution of the recommendation might conclusively reduce to waste of time and fund.
Furthermore, to access the recommendation should not ignore the possibility that instructors might unduly devote their time to job which would result in distraction of attention on educate(education). And if intense attraction of assets and reputation represent to instructors in negative way, it might also destroy either themselves or their students. Of that matter, the initial purpose of instruction will suffers considerable challenge.
Generally speaking, the speaker's recommendation requires comprehensive evaluation of both positive and negative sides.(结尾过于简单,单纯重复,没有意义!应该补充,如加入自己的看法说的在细一点)
总体写的还可以,说理性不够强,一些话都可以精简或省略。
建议:
1.写完之后考到word中检查一下,有一些语法和拼写错误。
2.提倡规范写作:标点符号后空一格。
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