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不好意思,晚了点,Issue 138的修改
等级太低,传不了附件,直接贴上来了~~
单词拼错未作出修改~~修改重点在语法和句子、篇章结构上~~
2011-2-28
WORD: 695
ISSUE138: ONLY THROUGH MISTAKES CAN THERE BE DISCOVERY OR PROGRESS
For a long time, "Faliure is the mother of success" has encouraged large amount of "losers" to strive for their dreams and many of them really did it. Also, one of the learning theories(加上the), namely trial-and-error, believes that the way people could learn is to experience mistakes. Thus, not only popular saying but also sytemetic theory indicate the positive role of mistakes in the process of discovery or progress. However, is it equivalent to the statement that making mistakes is the only way to advance? No. I maintain that many factors and methods involved in the final results.(这句话可以变的华丽点)
Admitedly, numerous cases covering both west and east, ancient and contemproray times could prove errors do accelerate advances. One of the most popolar example is Thomas Edision, a well-known American inventor and scientist. After hundred even thousand times trying and mistaking, he
successfully found the proper filament namely carbonize bamboo.(这里我把一个句子断成了两个,原先的不通)
Owing to the mistakes, he improved the lasting time of light bomb greatly and benefited to the world until nowadays. (这句话不清楚,因为and前后的内容主语都是he,前半句说爱迪生改善了灯泡,后半句应该说这个成果对世界有益) Furhtermore(furthermore), others' mistakes also stimulate human being move(语法,应该用moving)
foreward. Li Shizhen, a great Chinese herbologist and acupuncturist, his book named Compendium of Materia Medica is credited for its proper classification of herb components. (有两个主语?Li Shizhen vs his book)However, his twenty-seven years hard work was originated from the finding of others' faults in the published herb books.(这句话和上一句应该是果-因关系,没有构成转折) Therefore, if without the disorder, mistakes and comflict information in most published medical books at that time(这句话只有主语,没太看懂), it may hardly intrigue him to write such a book to remend them and leave the treasure of traditional Chinese Medicine. (没看懂)
Just as Johann Wolfgang Goethe, a German poet and dramatist, says that " Men errs so long as he strives," however, not everyone who commit mistakes could finally achieve their goals or realize their dreams. Why? (这个觉得可要可不要)As far as I am concerned, the reason why mistakes encourage achievement or progress is not mistakes themselves, but the attitude we hold toward them. Recalling to the experience of ourselves, we may easily find that there are more or less mistakes and regrets. Take my procrastination for example, when I was in university I always put out(put out 貌似没有推后的意思,put back表示推后) my assignments and completed them vexedly before the day of deadline. Few of times I missed the deadline and then I made a decision to change this habit. Unfortunately, I did not take this seriously although I really worried about it. Untill one day, due to my procrastination I could not finish my application to the graduate school. This terrible experience teaches me a valuable lesson: I have to admit and change my mistakes with courage and perseverance. (这一段个人例子有点长)Most of times(most of time), we often find excuses for our faults or complain others and environment, to large extent this block our way to correct it and stuck in the circle of repeating the same mistakes.(this指前文说的不良态度,“and”后面的部分主语应该是“we”,不是this)
Thus, in order to make progress through mistakes, the most important thing we can do is introspect profoundly and take action immediately.(语法,在is 后加“to”)
What is more, the way which could lead to new findings like(语法,likes) a spectrum embodys various of factors, such as hard-working, curiosity, learning and reading. (这里作者是想用比喻吧,但such as 后面的举例应该要和前面的内容相关联,即和a spectrum embodys various of factors 相关)However, apart from individual's qualities and experience, a more crucial factor influenced the pace of development is social surroundings. We human beings are social animals, effected by the values and restained by social regulations, moral standards and laws. In ancient times, people eked out a living(觉得加上“a living”意思会清楚些) in severe natural disasters and attacks. They were struggling to hold their own, thus it sounds unbelievable for our ancestors to invent computers and cell phones. However, in modern society, it is not uncommon to use IPHONE, Twitter, Facebook to communicate with people who live in the other side of the world. Such advances attributes to(用被动,are attributed to ) not only the intelligent inventors, but also(前面加上not only) our rapidly developed society. Thus even if ten thousands of Steve Palu Jobs, one of the founder of Apple, live in the starving and dangerous society, it is yet hard to lead the fashion of high technics.
Consequently, based on the analysis mentioned above, I agree with the statement that mistakes could result in progress, however, I could not accept that it is the only way. (文章的结构:
让步:犯错的确有利于推动发现和进步——原因不单是错误,还有我们对待错误的态度——还有社会环境的原因
在结尾处作者可以再加一句话兜回文章的结构和主题)
首先感谢忍着眼睛痛看完这篇啰嗦的改正的作者!!以上是我的个人见解,有不足的地方我们再交流哈~~
另外,建议在写的时候多注意句子的主语和谓宾之间是否一致及相关联~~ |
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