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[习作点评] 【NINE小组】第十三次作业-by 玉米 [复制链接]

onco
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电梯直达

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发表于 2011-9-13 18:06:12 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

ISSUE 8

8、Claim: In any field—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years.
Reason: The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

What is the surest path to success? Sincerevitalization through new leadership can often make some progress in a shortperiod of time, many people claims that those in power in any field--business,politics, education, government--should step down after five years. While itmay be true that those new leaders could carry on some new ideas and benefitthe whole group, it is equally likely that they will manage everything theother way around. On closer inspection, the necessity of changing those inpower can be confirmed: It depends on the field and not a single rule can beapplied to all.

In the field of politics, a government inpower needs to be refreshed, or at least faces an election, after a certainperiod of time. Historically, any long-lasting government, such as Soviet Uniongovernment, would finally lead to corruption and autocracy. In Saddamgovernment in Iraq and Qaddafi government in Libya, their continued powerlargely serve to benefit their own and their families. Democracy means to driveaway a government when it is no longer appropriate, no one can stay in powerforever.

While it seems essential to change regularlyin the field of politics, this need would be not so urgent in the field ofbusiness. Instead, the leadership should be maintained if an enterpriseoperates soundly. Some leaders have their unique perspective on the business.They can be so indispensable in the business of a corporation. The legendarystory of Steve Jobs and Apple Inc. exemplify this opinion. After suffering froma near collapse in the absence of Steve Jobs, the company has now entitled themost valuable company thanks to the return of this excellent CEO. In this scenario,it would be arbitrary to claim the leaders should be changed in the name ofrevitalization.

What about the education? The frequentchanges of leaders would lead to frequent changes of policies. As education isa long-time process, these changes could interrupt many long term projects onteaching and researching. If we notice this potential effect, the migrantstudents would not see their schools demolished which are originally intendedfor them years before. The shifting of power leads to their educationconditions precarious.

In all, leaders are playing a major role inthe development of a group. They can bring on success like Steve Jobs, or spawntragedies as the Saddam government does. Lacking a universal rule, it isflexible to decide whether they should maintain their power. The universalprinciple lies that: it should benefit the most.

我觉得教育那一段好像是不必要的。
反正写得挺纠结的。

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.09.19

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onco
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沙发

发表于 2011-9-13 18:07:31 |只看该作者

ARG 48
Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire, because it has spectacular natural beauty and a consistent climate. Another advantage is that housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Moreover, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. And best of all, retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

The author claims Clearview as a top choicefor anyone seeking a place for retirement and lists several charming reasons.But his claims are based on some suspicious assumptions, making it not thatpersuasive as it seems.

Firstly, we have no evidence that housingcosts or taxes are truly low in Clearview. The author ambiguously uses thewords "fallen significantly" or "lower", without mentioningthe actual amount. We have every reason to doubt that the housing costs are infact rather intimidating and still at a high level despite the fact that it hasfallen significantly all these years. So does the taxes. Though "lowerthan those in neighboring towns", taxes can still be higher than theaverage of the country.

Secondly, the author mentions the promisingnew programs to improve school, streets, and public services. As a top choicefor retirement, the improvement of schools and streets is fairly unnecessary,since the major citizen there could be seniors, most of whom lacking youngkids. Still, any construction would inevitably produce pollution – solidwastes, gases or noises, which would in turn affect the serenity of Clearviewand make it not so agreeable any more.

Lastly, the boasted high quality of healthcare remains doubtful. In the first place, the author merely mentions about thenumber of physicians. Faced with various kinds of common illnesses of retirees,physicians, without surgeons, may not handle everything. Besides, the greatnumber of doctors is not equivalent to the great quality of health care. Thecondition of local health care is heavily dependent on the quality of medicalworkers and supporting medical facilities as well.

Overall, the argument is so weak that itneeds more bolstering evidences. The author should provide more clues on taxesand housing costs, and more details on health care. Also, the benefit of newprogram must be fully evaluated. Without all those evidences, the argument canbe easily rejected out of hand.

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板凳

发表于 2011-9-13 22:38:14 |只看该作者

What is the surest path to success? Sincerevitalization through new leadership can often make some progress in a shortperiod of time, many people claims（claim） that those in power in any field--business,politics, education, government--should step down after five years. While itmay be true that those new leaders could carry on some new ideas and benefitthe whole group, it is equally likely that they will manage everything theother way around. On closer inspection, the necessity of changing those inpower can be confirmed: It depends on the field and not a single rule can beapplied to all.
作者观点：应该分领域来看待，而不是用同一的标准。

In the field of politics, a government inpower needs to be refreshed, or at least faces an election（elections）, after a certain period of time. Historically, any long-lasting government, such as Soviet Union government, would finally lead to corruption and autocracy. In Saddam government(我觉得写in Saddam ruled Iraq好点) in Iraq and Qaddafi government(同上) in Libya, their continued power largely serve to benefit their own(themselves) and their families. Democracy means to drive away a government when it is no longer appropriate, no one can stay in power forever.
在政治领域，政府每隔一段时间应该选举。作者说了三个反面例子，感觉可以主要说一个说具体一点，长期执政有哪些弊端；同时可以举一个正面例子对比。感觉会更有说服力。

While it seems essential to change regularlyin the field of politics, this need would be not so urgent in the field of business. Instead, the leadership should be maintained if an enterprise operates soundly. Some leaders have their unique perspective on 删掉the business 加which is indispensable……（删掉They can be so indispensable in the business of a corporation.感觉累赘了） The legendary story of Steve Jobs and Apple Inc. exemplify this opinion. After suffering froma near collapse in the absence of Steve Jobs, the company has now entitled themost valuable company thanks to the return of this excellent CEO. In this scenario,it would be arbitrary to claim the leaders should be changed in the name of revitalization.
在商业领域，公司的领导应该有延续。
但是举例没有具体说明S.B在苹果长期领导？只说了他回来了就拯救了苹果，他的领导持续了多久？他之前苹果是短期不断更换领导？感觉还需要叙述。

What about 我觉得可以删掉the education? The frequent changes of leaders would lead to frequent changes of policies.我觉得这个在政治上好像更贴切..As education is a long-time process, these changes could interrupt many long term projects onteaching and researching. If we notice this potential effect, the migrant students would not see their schools demolished which are originally intendedfor them years before.真的没理解这句话的意思.. The shifting of power leads to their education conditions precarious.
在教育领域，改变领导会使学生的教育环境变化？
我觉得这段感觉说服力不足。。教育政策应该是政府制定，大学换校长(根据大多数人的意愿)也不会给学生带来什么坏处。相反我觉得还可以使大学更尊重学生、教师的意见，防止学术腐败，提高行政效率呢。。

In all, leaders are playing a major role inthe development of a group. They can bring on success like Steve Jobs, or spawntragedies as the Saddam government does. Lacking a universal rule, it is flexible to decide whether they(leaders) should maintain their power. The universalprinciple lies that: it should benefit the most.
我觉得最后一句的benefit the most有待商榷。商业领域的话公司领导层关注的是股东利益最大化，不是公众利益，虽然企业有社会责任。

个人意见，仅供参考，有不对的请指正~

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amber_c
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地板

发表于 2011-9-14 09:47:23 |只看该作者

What is the surest path to success? Since revitalization through new leadership can often make some progress in a short period of time, many people claims that those in power in any field--business, politics, education, government--should step down after five years. While it may be true that those new leaders could carry on some new ideas and benefit the whole group, it is equally likely that they will manage everything the other way around. On closer inspection, the necessity of changing those in power can be confirmed: It depends on the field and (is) not a single rule can be applied to all.

In the field of politics, a government in power needs to be refreshed, or at least faces an election, after a certain period of time. Historically, any long-lasting government, such as Soviet Union government, would finally lead to corruption and autocracy. In Saddam government in Iraq and Qaddafi government in Libya, their continued power largely serve（serves） to benefit their own and their families. Democracy means to drive away a government when it is no longer appropriate, no one can stay in power forever.（病句）
politics领域，应该。
While it seems essential to change regularly in the field of politics, this need would be not so urgent in the field of business. Instead, the leadership should be maintained if an enterprise operates soundly. Some leaders have their unique perspective on the business. They can be so indispensable in the business of a corporation. The legendary story of Steve Jobs and Apple Inc. exemplify （exemplifies）this opinion. After suffering from a near collapse in the absence of Steve Jobs, the company has now entitled the most valuable company thanks to the return of this excellent CEO. In this scenario, it would be arbitrary to claim the leaders should be changed in the name of revitalization.
business 领域，不应该。
个人感觉可以把business领域的new leaders可能带来什么不利影响写一下，会更有说服力。
What about the education? The frequent changes of leaders would lead to frequent changes of policies. As education is a long-time process, these changes could interrupt many long term（long-term） projects on teaching and researching. If we notice this potential effect, the migrant students would not see their schools demolished which are originally intended for them years before. （我能懂中文意思，但我不懂这句话的用意）The shifting of power leads to their education conditions precarious. （lead没有这种用法吧？）
具体说一下interrupt many long term（long-term） projects on teaching and researching会带来什么不利影响。More details会更好~
In all, leaders are playing a major role in the development of a group. They can bring on success like Steve Jobs, or spawn tragedies as the Saddam government does. Lacking a universal rule, it is flexible to decide whether they should maintain their power. The universal principle lies （in？）that: it should benefit the most.

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5楼

发表于 2011-9-14 09:48:25 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 amber_c 于 2011-9-14 09:49 编辑

好讨厌的格式~一粘贴上来就OOXX%&#^
在学习各位的习作，所以就顺便改了一下
玉米审题有点问题哦，没谈到reason

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6楼

发表于 2011-9-14 23:34:23 |只看该作者

5# amber_c

恩，谢谢指出！

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7楼

发表于 2011-9-15 16:14:23 |只看该作者

The author claims Clearview as a top choice for anyone seeking a place for retirement and lists several charming (attractive) reasons. But his claims are based on some suspicious assumptions, making it not that persuasive as it seems.

Firstly, we have no evidence that housing costs or taxes are truly low in Clearview. The author ambiguously uses the words "fallen significantly" or "lower", without mentioning the actual amount. We have every reason to doubt that the housing costs are in fact rather intimidating and still at a high level despite the fact that it has fallen significantly all these years. So does the taxes. Though "lower than those in neighboring towns", taxes can still be higher than the average of the country.
不知道具体的housing costs & taxes。如果后面再说一下，因为这些实际上超出了退休老人的接受范围，所以很少会有人在这里居住，会更好。

Secondly, the author mentions the promising（是指有希望的？or 被承诺的？） new programs to improve school, streets, and public services. As a top choice for retirement, the improvement of schools and streets is fairly unnecessary, since the major citizen there could be seniors, most of whom lacking young kids（从句缺乏谓语）. Still, any construction would inevitably produce pollution – solid wastes, gases or noises, which would in turn affect the serenity of Clearviewand make it not so agreeable any more.
承诺的项目不但对老人不必要，还会带来各种污染。

Lastly, the boasted high quality of healthcare remains doubtful. In the first place, the author merely mentions about the number of physicians. Faced with various kinds of common illnesses of retirees, physicians, without surgeons, may not handle everything. Besides, the great number of doctors is not equivalent to the great quality of health care. The condition of local health care is heavily dependent on the quality of medical workers and supporting medical facilities as well.
physicians 的数量不等于health care的保证。

Overall, the argument is so weak that it needs more bolstering evidences. The author should provide more clues on taxes and housing costs, and more details on health care. Also, the benefit of new program must be fully evaluated. Without all those evidences, the argument can be easily rejected out of hand.

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