[习作点评] 【NINE小组】第十四次作业-by lovetian [复制链接]

lovetian
UID: 2899734

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 242
注册时间: 2010-9-7
精华: 0
帖子: 1

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-9-15 22:16:13 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Some people believe that society should try to save every plant and animal species, despite the expense to humans in effort, time, and financial well-being. Others believe that society need not make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

Different from either of the speakers, in my point of view, we should do something to prevent some species of plants or animals from extinction, but not all. It is true that we will pay a lot of thing for this, such as effort, time, and financial, but the cost is valuable as both our human beings and the environment can benefit from it.

To begin with, we must notice that some of the extinction happen in some species has no business with human activities. According to the theory of natural selection raised by Darwin, only the species adapted to the nature can they exist in the world. Spending huge amount of energy, money, and resources, it is still possible that we fail in saving them, because they couldn't adapt themselves to this environment any longer. The extinction happened in dinosaur, which is early than existence of our human beings, is such a example that they became extinct for the shapely decreasing of temperature and some other non-human factors. Like these species, saving them at the cost of countless time and resources is not good, even harmful, to the ecosystem.

However, we do have responsibility for most of extinction in the recent several decades and we surly have duty to save them. According to a recent research taken by Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, 200 hundred years ago, one species dies out every four years, and the speed is one species per day now. Though the number in the research, we can easily find that human activities have influenced on animals' and plants' existence on the Earth; since the appearance of one species calls for long time, we shouldn't let it extinct in such a short period of time.

What's more, saving those species is good for both those animals and our human, and also ecosystem. Keeping the diversity of species means maintaining the balance of a food chain in one area, and one species' disappearance may cause some others extinct or sharply increase, as every species is one point of the circle of predator and prey. For example, the extinction of the Dodo cause a special but valuable kind of tree die out as a follower; the reason why the hare could be seen everywhere and make farmer suffer the loss of grain a lot in Australia is the disappearance of Thylacinus cynocephalus Harris, a kind of animal which is natural enemy of the hare. In order to live in a stable and colorful biosphere, we should protect those species and let them away from extinction.

In sum up, I hold the view that we should try to eliminate human influence on extinction of species and saving those animals or plants which disappear because of human activities. We don't have so many resources that we can save all the species in the world.

写得越来越好，lovetian，加油

本帖最后由 panmingming2008 于 2011-9-16 23:50 编辑

~~接近5分

Some people believe that society should try to save every plant and animal species, despite the expense to humans in effort, time, and financial well-being. Others believe that society need not make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

Different from either of the speakers, in my point of view, we should do something to prevent some species of plants or animals from extinction, but not all. It is true that we will pay a lot of thing for this, such as effort, time, and financial, but the cost is valuable as both our human beings and the environment can benefit from it.

To begin with, we must notice that some of the extinction happen in some species has no business with human activities. According to the theory of natural selection raised by Darwin, only the species adapted to the nature can they exist in the world. Spending huge amount of energy, money, and resources, it is still possible that we fail in saving them, because they couldn't adapt themselves to this environment any longer. The extinction happened in dinosaur, which is early than existence of our human beings, is such a example that they became extinct for the shapely decreasing of temperature and some other non-human factors. Like these species, saving them at the cost of countless time and resources is not good, even harmful, to the ecosystem.

However, we do have responsibility for most of extinction in the recent several decades and we surly have duty to save them. According to a recent research taken by Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, 200 hundred years ago, one species dies out every four years, and the speed is one species per day now. Though the number in the research, we can easily find that human activities have influenced on animals' and plants' existence on the Earth【写得好：it relates to your topic sentence 人类因素危害物种生存，因而有义务去挽救。】; since the appearance of one species calls for long time, we shouldn't let it extinct in such a short period of time.

What's more, saving those species is good for both those animals and our human, and also ecosystem. Keeping the diversity of species means maintaining the balance of a food chain in one area, and one species' disappearance may cause some others extinct or sharply increase, as every species is one point of the circle of predator and prey. For example, the extinction of the Dodo cause a special but valuable kind of tree die out as a follower; the reason why the hare could be seen everywhere and make farmer suffer the loss of grain a lot in Australia is the disappearance of Thylacinus cynocephalus Harris, a kind of animal which is natural enemy of the hare. In order to live in a stable and colorful biosphere, we should protect those species and let them away from extinction.

In sum up, I hold the view that（这几个红字可以省略，下面直接就是你的中心论点重述） we should try to eliminate human influence on extinction of species and saving those animals or plants which disappear because of human activities. We don't have so many resources that we can save all the species in the world.

总评：
按照SCORING GUIDE，本习作的position, organization, examples 写得清楚，连贯。
个别地方语法有些瑕疵，但不影响对作者观点的理解。

例子用得很合适，几个分论点安排的次序很连贯--照应中心论点，而中心论点及下面的论证较充分考虑了议题的复杂性。

应在5分左右。

【建议：如果议题深入分析与例子的组织是你的优势，那么就把这个优势发挥到淋漓尽致。
少量的小的句法或用词错误--是可以容忍的。要保持清楚明白。】

ETS这样说（源地址“computer-based test”内）：

The primary emphasis in scoring the Analytical Writing section is on your critical thinking and analytical writing skills rather than on grammar and mechanics. (Read the "Issue" and "Argument" scoring guides.)

问我，考我，检验我的话，以便改善你自己！

使用道具举报