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[优秀习作] issue26 全面修改，期待指正！ [复制链接]

xiang
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31楼

发表于 2004-3-22 08:28:40 |只看该作者

丸子,你的文章让我是望尘莫及啊,呵呵
有时间看看我的文章好吗,呵呵,没人理我也挺没有面子的

关于这个文章,我和狒狒大哥有同感,你的第一段认为现代需要是解决short need有些偏激,如果我们需要建的上一所学校,那可是百年树人的大计啊,如果是一所医院,救死扶伤,这些价值也不值得考虑吗

呵呵,浅见,仅供参考!

我们都是独翼的天使,唯有彼此拥抱,才能飞翔!

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菜丸子
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32楼

发表于 2004-3-22 08:41:37 |只看该作者

最初由 xiang 发布
[B]丸子,你的文章让我是望尘莫及啊,呵呵
有时间看看我的文章好吗,呵呵,没人理我也挺没有面子的

关于这个文章,我和狒狒大哥有同感,你的第一段认为现代需要是解决short need..

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢，我马上去看。
呵呵，关于你提出的问题，刚开始确实存在，但后来我全面整改了，强调了有只是有一些现代需要是SHORT NEEDS。也只有这样才能更好地论证优先与不优先呵。

最近研究了孙远的提纲，发现如果他的提纲放到这里来讨论，肯定挨死批，因为他的分论点中基本上都有一个似乎与论题无关的论点。哎，不管了。都快考了的说。呵呵

所谓ETS，就是一群ET，等同于姐妹S，哥们S。。。
由此我明白了GT的难度从何而来。。。

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dezhi
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33楼

发表于 2004-3-22 09:30:39 |只看该作者

不好意思，现在才来看
最近忙的晕头转向，都不知道自己在干什么，anyway
这篇文章已经写的很棒了，没有什么要多说的，楼主驾驭语言的能力很强，我可比不上，嘿嘿

语法上基本没有问题了，看了一遍没找到什么错误
全文的展开很顺畅，body1论证的也很好
但body1最后的问句，虽然很生动，不过我觉得还是直接点名观点比较好，孰优孰劣楼主自己评判吧，呵呵

总而言之，楼主继续努力，多注意思路，你的水平没有问题，呵呵

I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky!

坚强是无论面前是高山还是海洋
都能始终执着的去追求心中的梦想~~~~~~

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eaglezhou
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34楼

发表于 2004-3-22 09:32:15 |只看该作者

丸子

上次我那篇文章，除了爱情诚可贵的英语翻译，能不能再给点其他意见？

被失败阻止的追求是一种软弱的追求，它暴露了力量的有限！

被成功阻止的追求是一种浅薄的追求，它证明了目标的有限！

被别人阻止的追求是一种可悲的追求，它阐述了自信的有限！

个人总结：
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=35f0855347694951d1dd3dda4ed318bd&threadid=177527

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菜丸子
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35楼

发表于 2004-3-22 09:47:38 |只看该作者

Re: 丸子

最初由 eaglezhou 发布
[B]上次我那篇文章，除了爱情诚可贵的英语翻译，能不能再给点其他意见？ [/B]

等我去教务处处理一个报名的事~~马上回来

所谓ETS，就是一群ET，等同于姐妹S，哥们S。。。
由此我明白了GT的难度从何而来。。。

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ZZZ@MARYLAND
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36楼

发表于 2004-3-22 11:06:25 |只看该作者

除了佩服，无言可说

看到了一个连接，想不到把我连接到了这么一篇美文（以收入自己的收藏夹了，呵呵），我看了很久，也看3遍吧，发现握能说出来的，各位牛人已经都说完了。真的很羡慕大家有这么高的水平，真心地想向大家学习，也希望大家能给我这样一个机会。
我看了大概有两周的作文，希望大家可以看看我的文章，急需进步，急需信心。谢谢了
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175731

为什么？到底为什么！！

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icyscorpio
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37楼

发表于 2004-3-22 19:11:47 |只看该作者

ISSUE 26
Most people would agree that buildings represent a valuable record of any society's past, but controversy arises when old buildings stand on ground that modern planners feel could be better used for modern purposes. In such situations, modern development should be given precedence over the preservation of historic buildings so that contemporary needs can be served.

ISSUE的翻译：很多人都同意，古建筑是对一个社会的过往的珍贵记录，但是当现代的规划师觉得现存的古建筑可以被更好地用来服务现代社会时，争议产生了。在这样的情况下，现代发展应该优先于保留有历史价值的古建筑。

修正的地方：在和同专业的同学讨论了以后，我重新调整了一下自己的立场，把原来的完全否定改成了现在的样子：
我认为现代发展不应该优先于保留有价值的古建筑。但这并不代表着所有的现代发展都被古建筑所羁绊啊。
就比如清华大学的校园建筑，分为老区和新区，老区有一批优秀的古建筑，现代PURPOSE当然应该让位于古代建筑，但是新区的发展完全可以大刀阔斧、标新立异。
因此，我倾向于优先古建筑，折中后来一个“新旧分区讨论”。
改正以后，文章重点倾向于分析孰轻孰重的问题，摒弃关于后来的建筑师水平不够（当然不是这样说的，大概是这么个意思）的论证，把语气变得缓和了些，改正了DEZHI等人提出的一些语法上的错误。请大家多多指正！谢谢大家！

我的中英文提纲：
（1）一些所谓的现代利益的价值无法同古建筑历史和美学的价值相提并论。
（2）一旦处理不好，现代的发展给古建筑带来的冲击是不可避免的。一些建立在牺牲有价值的古建筑的基础上的现代NEEDS，实际上没有给社会带来BENEFIT，只不过是暂时的NEEDS罢了。在处理古建筑的改建时和古城规划时，我们应当充分考虑现代的因素对美学和历史价值的破坏的可能性；
（3）我们也不得不承认，一些很少有历史和艺术价值的建筑可以通过改造来迎合现代的用途，以更好地实现它的价值。如三峡的移民区的民居，没有多大的价值，完全可以把它们拆了为水利事业服务，造福人类；（让步）
（4）IN ADDITION，城市规划的时候应该新旧区分开讨论，古建筑多、价值较高的地方应该是现代发展让位于保留古建筑，反之亦然。

(1) First, some so-called modern values often cannot reach the same class of the historical values which the ancient buildings possess.
(2) If treated inappropriately, it will inevitably bring irretrievable damage towards the old buildings. Some contemporary needs built up on the sacrifice of the valuable old buildings are in fact often temporary needs, rather than real benefits to the society.
(3) Admittedly, some buildings with little historical and artistic value can be made use of for contemporary purposes through reconstruction to realize its true value.
(4) In addition, urban planners should divide the city into two parts. Where there are lots of valuable ancient architects, preservation of historic buildings should be given precedence over the contemporary needs.

单看这样的提纲很不错啊，正面反面让步都说到了，最后还有一个ADDITION，很完整，不知道正文写的如何，估计也不错吧。

正文如下：
There are so many ancient architectural masterpieces, like the St. Sophia Church, the Parthenon,（这些都写的出来？？？莫非都已经是自己的单词了，强！！） the Egyptian Pyramids and so on, still standing on the earth, with their weathered but picturesque surfaces intriguing people's imagination of their once prosperity and fair stories. Since we are grateful with the aesthetical and historical values they bring to us, why not preserve and protect them from unnecessary damage from modern developments to their values?（这个反问有点突然，你再想想能不能过渡的更好一些。） So I give my suspect on the given statement that contemporary needs should take precedence over the preservation of some historical and artistic buildings.
开头段写的感觉，哎，不知道怎么评价，词什么的都不错，但是好像观点不是很明确。第二句和第三句的顺序是不是应该转过来？？

First of all, some so-called modern values cannot often（别扭） reach the same class of the historical values that the ancient buildings possess. Though the old buildings existing nowadays are merely a minority, they could be perceived as vestiges of the ancient people, vivid descriptions of the days gone by（时态？？）（还有我觉得这句应该写成留下的是少数，而且留下的大多都是精品，这样更有力度一些。）. Their historical values could never be approached by some contemporary needs.（这句好像没什么用处。） The old architectural complex along the Venetian（强，我绝写不出来，更想不到） River is just an instance in case. By preserving the ancient district of Venetians, it shows people the scrolls of magnificent images. But if we turn that into a modern downtown on some commercial purposes, what we would gain is just some money which can be attained by other means, but what we would have been robbed is a whole case of treasure of the human civilization. Thus, some contemporary needs built up on the sacrifice of the valuable old buildings are in fact often temporary needs, rather than real benefits with respect to the whole society.（本来以为是例子后的总结，但再一看怎么好像是你提纲中的第二个观点呢？？一段中不能出现两个主题不是吗？为什么不写到下一段呢？？） In this case, shall we still give priority to contemporary developments?（这个反问？？我觉得不好，个人意见。）

Second, if treated inappropriately, it will inevitably bring irretrievable damage towards the old buildings and the ancient civilization.（好像damage不了古代文明吧，我怎么感觉像damage了，然后古代文明就没有了，但是你只是damage了一些古代文明的代表吧。） Once should the historic buildings be served for modern purposes, they would be, to some extent（看来这个词很多人用啊。）, running the risk of losing their initial charm and dignity. Just like Beijing's disappearing ancient walls on which several generations of dumb millions（强！！用这种词！！！） carved their grief during the war and happiness during the peaceful times, though it had witnessed the prosperities and comedowns of the whole city, they can only exist in the archive and textbooks now, replaced by some brand-new streets and icy skyscrapers, which could never essentially take the place of the ancient walls. No one can help to retrieve the lost precious treasure, even the famous Chinese architect, Sicheng Liang（好像据说这种外国人不知道的中国名字写了更麻烦，我觉得你不写他的名字，改用一个插入语介绍一下他的背景，比如有多N更好一点。）, who spent his rest of life calling for the preservation of the walls. Though it is now really a modern place where the poor walls had ever stood, what we have lost is much more than what we have gained. In order to meet those so-called contemporary needs, civilization of the human beings has really paid too much.（这个总结好像与主题没什么句式或用词上的变化）

Admittedly, some buildings with little historical and artistic value can be made use of for contemporary purposes through reconstruction to realize their true values. It is true that there are always mediocre（太多我不认识的词了，全是你自己写的？？PFPFPFPF） old buildings occupying spaces and lands throughout the cities and countries. Under this circumstance, modern architects and planners should attach more importance to contemporary needs, rather than the preservation. Take the Three Gorges in China for example（这个例子好，但不知出现两个中国的例子不是不好，个人觉得还是换个其他地方好一些，不然显得有些片面了。）, in order to carry out this enormous water conservancy（不查不知道，原来水利工程这么写。） project which could accelerate modern economical progress, thousands of villages and towns with numerous old buildings in Western China had been pulled down. As the rural houses usually have little value for historic or artistic studies, wouldn’t a whole dismantlement for modern project do much damage, but rather do good deed to the development of the society.

In addition, with respect to the old buildings, urban planners should divide the ancient district into two parts. Where there are lots of valuable ancient architects, preservation of historic buildings should be given precedence over the contemporary needs, and on the contrary it is so on.（这段也算可写可不写了吧，估计考试时也没时间了。）（怎么写出来好像感觉有点突然，考虑是不是把上面两段的顺序转一下。）

In sum, we should call for a balance（总觉得这么说不好，我个人意见，你再想想吧。） between the contemporary development and the preservation of the historical-or-aesthetical-valued architectures, and consider about the whole condition regarding historical values and the meaning of the contemporary purposes.

明显不错的用词，挺华丽的感觉。
结构也挺完整的，没什么可总结的了。
如果45MIN能写成这样，我觉得可以算圆满了。
向你学习！！

以后多多互相帮助。别忘了我今天上午的ISSUE60。
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=176001
有空帮忙看看。

好运！！！

只要不放弃就有希望
只要有希望生活就是幸福的

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Phoebuswang
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38楼

发表于 2004-3-25 09:06:57 |只看该作者

There are so many ancient architectural masterpieces, like the St. Sophia Church, the Parthenon, the Egyptian Pyramids and so on, still standing on the earth, with their weathered but picturesque surfaces intriguing people's imagination of their once prosperity and fair stories. Since we are grateful with the aesthetical and historical values they bring to us, why not preserve and protect them from unnecessary damage from modern developments to their values? So I give my suspicion on the given statement that contemporary needs should take precedence over the preservation of some historical and artistic buildings.(题目是COULD BE BETTER USED，不是COULD BE USED。）

First of all, some so-called modern values cannot often reach the same class of the historical values that the ancient buildings possess. Though the old buildings existing nowadays are merely a minority, they could be perceived as vestiges of the ancient people, vivid descriptions of the days gone by. Their historical values could never be approached by some contemporary needs. The old architectural complex along the Venetian River is just an instance in case. By preserving the ancient district of Venetians, it shows people the scrolls of magnificent images. But if we turn that into a modern downtown on some commercial purposes, what we would gain is just some money which can be attained by other means, but what we would have been robbed is a whole case of treasure of the human civilization. Thus, some contemporary needs built up on the sacrifice of the valuable old buildings are in fact often temporary needs, rather than real benefits with respect to the whole society. In this case, shall we still give priority to contemporary developments?（论述的好，找不到漏洞）

Second, if treated inappropriately, it will inevitably bring irretrievable damage towards the old buildings and the ancient civilization. Once should the historic buildings be served for modern purposes, they would be, to some extent, running the risk of losing their initial charm and dignity. Just like Beijing's disappearing ancient walls on which several generations of dumb millions carved their grief during the war and happiness during the peaceful times, though it had witnessed the prosperities and comedowns of the whole city, they can only exist in the archive and textbooks now, replaced by some brand-new streets and icy skyscrapers, which could never essentially take the place of the ancient walls. No one can help to retrieve the lost precious treasure, even the famous Chinese architect, Sicheng Liang, who spent his rest of life calling for the preservation of the walls. Though it is now really a modern place where the poor walls had ever stood, what we have lost is much more than what we have gained. In order to meet those so-called contemporary needs, civilization of the human beings has really paid too much.（这个是纯粹的没有价值的破坏，和题目是两回事）

Admittedly, some buildings with little historical and artistic value can be made use of for contemporary purposes through reconstruction to realize their true values. It is true that there are always mediocre old buildings occupying spaces and lands throughout the cities and countries. Under this circumstance, modern architects and planners should attach more importance to contemporary needs, rather than the preservation. Take the Three Gorges in China for example, in order to carry out this enormous water conservancy project which could accelerate modern economical progress, thousands of villages and towns with numerous old buildings in Western China had been pulled down. As the rural houses usually have little value for historic or artistic studies, wouldn’t a whole dismantlement for modern project do much damage, but rather do good deed to the development of the society. （从另外一方面补充说明了这种措施实施的范围，不错）

In addition, with respect to the old buildings, urban planners should divide the ancient district into two parts. Where there are lots of valuable ancient architects, preservation of historic buildings should be given precedence over the contemporary needs, and on the contrary it is so on.

In sum, we should call for a balance between the contemporary development and the preservation of the historical-or-aesthetical-valued architectures, and consider about the whole condition regarding historical values and the meaning of the contemporary purposes.

整篇文章语言流利，词汇丰富，虽然有中间一段有点多余，仍是一篇佳作。

尔曹身与名具灭
不废江河万古流

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