[同主题temp] Arg. 6 -- 请指教,谢! [复制链接]

eric_c
UID：177216

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 983
注册时间: 2004-9-4
精华: 2
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-9-6 06:24:15 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The developers in Monroe proposed to set up a jazz club in Monroe and tried to convince the decision makers that the new club will be profitable. However, they relied their claim on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions and nonessential evidences. Therefore, their claim that the proposed club will be profitable is not convincing.

Firstly, the developers claimed that the proposed club will be the only jazz club in town, and therefore would have the local market all to itself. However, being the only jazz club does not mean it will be profitable. The local people may not be interested in jazz, or even if they are, they may not want to spend much to go to this jazz club. Therefore, before assuming that the club will “have the local market all to itself”, the developers never examined how big this “market” is.

Secondly, the developers raised a series of examples in order to prove that the local people are interested in jazz, However, none of these examples seem to definitively suggest the presence of such an interest to jazz among the people of Monroe. The developers mentioned the high attendance of last summer’s jazz. However, a high attendance in jazz festival and a public interest in jazz could be two different things. People attended jazz festival possibly because they wanted to support this public event, and maybe this was one of the most important events in Monroe last year. Monroe’s having several resident prominent jazz musicians also does not argue for the presence of a public interest in jazz. In fact, the presence of several well-known jazz musicians with the absence of a single jazz club seems to indicate that the local people are not interested in jazz. The high rating received by the jazz program “Jazz Nightly” also cannot prove the local people like jazz, as it is possible that other radio programs were of bad quality and the people had to give the highest rating to “Jazz Nightly”.

Thirdly, the developers put forward yet another assumption of the C Note being profitable based on a nationwide survey that showed jazz fans’ expenditure on jazz entertainment. But the result of a nationwide survey cannot give much clue on the amount the local jazz fans are willing to spend, if there are any such fans in Monroe. Even if the local jazz fans are willing to spend $1,000 or more every year on jazz entertainment, it does not ensure the new club’s profit, as the market in Monroe may be very small and the relative cost of running such a jazz club is comparably much higher.

In summary, the developers in Monroe failed to convince me the presence of a public interest and substantial market in jazz entertainment in Monroe, and therefore the profitability of their proposed jazz club. If I were the decision maker, their application will not be granted, at least not before they carry out a careful and thorough market analysis and provide solid evidences of the presence of a public interest and potential market in jazz in Monroe.

T h e ..v a l u a b l e ..t h i n g s ..i n ..l i f e ..a r e ..n o t ..w h a t ..y o u ..h a v e ,
b u t ..w h o m ..y o u ..h a v e .

回应
0

使用道具举报

genxin_zhang
UID：174485

新手上路

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 184
注册时间: 2004-8-14
精华: 0
帖子: 0

沙发

发表于 2004-9-6 10:25:06 |只看该作者

危害。
The developers in Monroe proposed to set up a jazz club in Monroe and tried to convince us that the jazz is extremely popular and their new jazz club profitable.the decision makers that the new club will be profitable . However, they relied their claim on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions and nonessential evidences. Therefore, their claim that the proposed club will be profitable is not convincing.提个建议，你讲文中的developers和maker or they，最好用arguer or author,代替，我看大部分范文都这样写，另外大部分范文中很少用proposed，一般都用claims，recommend， conclusion之类的，小小建议，仅供参考！

Firstly, 【我认为你这段的批驳点在于批驳作者自认为只要距离近，人们就会去。指出65km不能判定人们会不会来jazz club】the developers claimed that the proposed club will be the only jazz club in town, and therefore would have the local market all to itself.这个你应该展开一下，指出arguer缺乏证据，列举其他的可嫩性 However, being the only jazz club does not mean it will be profitable. The local people may not be interested in jazz, or even if they are, they may not want to spend much to go to this jazz club. Therefore, before assuming that the club will “have the local market all to itself”, the developers never examined how big this “market” is.【表达有些Chinese了，你看这样吧，the arguer fails to offer the responds from the local citizens.】

Secondly, 【开头第一句可以提出一个概括性的，例如the arguer fails to provide persuasive evidence that the jazz is extremely popular in Monroe.然后分别对几个例子批驳：1】00,000 people 在总人口中占多少比例，如果占很少比例，则不能说明问题，2另外even if high ratio of the people attend the club, 作者也不能说明他们都喜欢，可能有她因，比如陪别人去， 3】然后指出the well-known jazz musicians live in the Monroe, 不能说明人们对音乐怎么样，只能说明这个地方可能环境很好，居住宜人，4】另外可以指出人们对电视节目的评价是否通过样本调查，调查的人数是多少，如何调查，最后指出全国调查并不鞥说明Local的情况，5】再还可以批驳1000 在人们的消费中占有的比例是多少，如果比例小那么就不能说明问题。the developers raised a series of examples in order to prove that the local people are interested in jazz, However, none of these examples seem to definitively suggest the presence of such an interest to jazz among the people of Monroe. The developers mentioned the high attendance of last summer’s jazz. However, a high attendance in jazz festival and a public interest in jazz could be two different things. People attended jazz festival possibly because they wanted to support this public event, and maybe this was one of the most important events in Monroe last year. Monroe’s having several resident prominent jazz musicians also does not argue for the presence of a public interest in jazz. In fact, the presence of several well-known jazz musicians with the absence of a single jazz club seems to indicate that the local people are not interested in jazz. The high rating received by the jazz program “Jazz Nightly” also cannot prove the local people like jazz, as it is possible that other radio programs were of bad quality and the people had to give the highest rating to “Jazz Nightly”.

Thirdly, the developers put forward yet another assumption of the C Note being profitable based on a nationwide survey that showed jazz fans’ expenditure on jazz entertainment. But the result of a nationwide survey cannot give much clue on the amount the local jazz fans are willing to spend, if there are any such fans in Monroe. Even if the local jazz fans are willing to spend $1,000 or more every year on jazz entertainment, it does not ensure the new club’s profit, as the market in Monroe may be very small and the relative cost of running such a jazz club is comparably much higher.
【the profitable is a factor, includes not only the revenue but also the costs. The author fails to consider the other factors, such as【举出其他可能因素，解释】 ………, It is entirely possible that the cost of the jazz club in the city will offset additional revenue.】【可以中这种句子驳斥profit的错误】
In summary, the developers in Monroe failed to convince me the presence of a public interest and substantial market in jazz entertainment in Monroe, and therefore the profitability of their proposed jazz club. 【If I were the decision maker】,to better the evaluate the recommendation, 【their application will not be granted,】 at least not before they carry out a careful and thorough market analysis and provide solid evidences of the presence of a public interest and potential market in jazz in Monroe.
Ps: 文章结构安排挺好，套路掌握到位，注意一些细小的表达，比如arguer， conclusion 之类的。

使用道具举报