[a习作temp] Argument117 第1篇能不能帮我看看？ [复制链接]

xiaohe
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-12-16 10:07:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

被ISSUE打击得不行了，再看ARGUMENT觉得还好，至少有话可写。大家帮我看看吧，这样写行不行。

------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
------正文------
This memo seems to have presented a persuasive suggestion to improve the performance of the office-supply departments in their stores. However, one sure needs to consider more closely of this issue from different aspects before agreeing with the conclusion.

Firstly, the efficiency of the survey is very doubtful. Who are the respondents? Are they the customers of the store or even only those of the office-supply department? If so, there is no wonder that over 70 percent of them reported to be required to take more work home, since that may be exactly the reason for them to come to the store. When was the survey made? If it is by the end of a year, it is likely that people have more work to take home merely out of some seasonal reasons when they are preparing for their family vacation and have to finish the assigned work earlier than usual. Thus, the result of the survey may be meaningless if the survey is not correctly carried out. And the trend found from this survey may be highly misleading.

Secondly, Even if there is such a trend that a high percentage of people are taking more work home, it doesn't mean the demand of office-supplies will increase. Most people who work at home may get the office supplies from their companies. And if the total number of working people in the neighborhood of the stores is dropping so the remaining staff has a relatively heavier work load while the overall work has not increased, the office supplies in budget may remain sufficient. Besides, those who work at home may do not need office supply at all. They may only need a computer to compose their reports and then send them through internet to a certain location or a certain person instead of doing paper work. In this case, what is the use of paper, pen, staplers or printers etc?

Lastly, even with the increasing demands, the Valu-Mart stores are not secured to make more profit through office-supply department. The companies and working people may buy the supply directly from wholesalers or even manufacturers who offer a lower price with shipment and maintenance included. They also may go to other stores, where there are office supplies with higher quality and lower prices, more convenience or better services. There are many reasons that cause customers unwilling to buy office supplies from the Valu-Mart stores. Their salespeople in these departments are not kind or patient enough; the locations of the stores are not near the offices or where the working people live; the types of the supplies are not the most popular ones, etc. What's more, even if the office- supply departments succeed in improving its performance, it is too arbitrary to say that it would become the most profitable component of the whole stores, because other departments may be improving at the same time.

Hence, the Valu-Mart stores need to make a more efficient survey and a more thorough analysis to understand the real situation, such as the qualities of their supply and service, the detailed need of the customers and all the other factors that may affect the sales of office-supplies. Only on the basis of all this information, can they find a correct way to improve their performance and make more profit. Otherwise, any hasty decision in business made on incomplete information may lead to severe loss.

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flyingwind
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沙发

发表于 2004-12-16 13:28:08 |只看该作者

However, one sure needs to("sure" should change to adv."surely" or change to "one should need to") consider more closely of ( "of "should be cancelled?)this issue from different aspects before agreeing with the conclusion

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