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[i习作temp] issue3 拍砖不要吝啬你的砖头!! [复制链接]

wuwei2668
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-12-30 11:48:23 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue3 it is more important to allocate money for immediately,existing problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.

提纲：1 现存的社会问题影响着人类的生存，要给予足够的重视
2 但如果忽略长远的计划，人类同样将会灭亡
3 作为人类祖先宝贵遗产的受益者，我们有责任对子孙后代负责

Allocating money for immediate,existing social problems is necessary, because those problems may lead to the extinct of huaman being.However,as beneficiaries of previous generations,we have obligations to make contributions for the well-being of future generations.

As we know, there are many immediate, existing social problems which are threating the human survival. In africa,tens of thousands of people dies of famine every year, and a greata number of african lost their husbands, mother, and children to AIDS within a few decades;in asia, some countries are experienceng population explosion which inflict a dreadful damage to the surrounding environment, and war and conflict in some regions destroied so many unfortuate people’s families. Those fatal social problems exist not only in the third world nations, but also torture the developed nations which is suffering from increasing terrorist attacks. If we cannot solve these problems which confront us now, we will extinct over a few decades, and never mention anyting about future. Therefore, it is important and necessary to pay attention to the existing, immediate social problems.

However, if we only take care of the interests before our eyes, the human will also disappear from the world without any trace in several centuries. If we reclaim farm field from forests and plains exceedingly to produce more food, we will bestow only desert as presents on our descendants finally. Provided the industrialization,which is the main topic of some developing nations, spread unlimitedly, the ecosysem of the earth will deteriorate very rapidly. If extracting the gases and oil excessively as solution to the energy crisis, we may leave a world of dark, cold and hopeless to our descendants. Any people with responsibility and morality would not like to those come true.

In addition, as beneficiaries of previous generations, each genetation should concern the well-being of future generations. It is known to all, the human civilization could not get such an achievement without the inheritance we get from our ancestors. And due to the forerunners’ persistent struggle against disasters, we have the opportunity to enjoy the modern lives today. Because the penecillin and other antibiotic invented by our previous scientists, we could lead a healthier life than before. And the great attainments of contemporary astronomy without Copernicus, Galileo, Bruno such forerunners’ work handed from our previous generations. As the examples stand, we have a responsibility to concern the happiness of our future generations.

As the continually emergence of vital social problems,we are forced to pay more attention to these by-products of human societies activities. But our response to those problems are too excessively, it will bring counterproductive results to our lives and our future generations as discussed above . We must keep the distribution of capital to immediate, existing social problems and long-term research in balance.

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zzfalcon
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沙发

发表于 2004-12-30 12:55:05 |只看该作者

我得QQ252337457，大家可以互改啊。
Allocating money for immediate,existing social problems is necessary, because those problems may lead to the extinct of huaman being. However, as beneficiaries of previous generations,we have obligations to make contributions for the well-being of future generations.（你的观点应该明确说）

As we know, there are many immediate, existing social problems which are threating the human survival. In Africa, tens of thousands of people dies of famine every year, and a greata number of African lost their husbands, mother, and children to AIDS within a few decades; in Asia, some countries are experienceng population explosion which inflict a dreadful damage to the surrounding environment, and war and conflict in some regions destroied so many unfortuate people’s families. Those fatal social problems exist not only in the third world nations, but also torture the developed nations which are suffering from increasing terrorist attacks. If we cannot solve these problems which confront us now, we will extinct over a few decades, and never mention anyting about future. Therefore, it is important and necessary to pay attention to the existing, immediate social problems.

However, if we only take care of the interests before our eyes, the human will also disappear from the world without any trace in several centuries. If we reclaim farm field from forests and plains exceedingly to produce more food, we will bestow（这个单词永在这里好像不合适） only desert as presents on our descendants finally. Provided the industrialization,which is the main topic of some developing nations, spread unlimitedly, the ecosysem of the earth will deteriorate very rapidly. If extracting the gases and oil excessively as solution to the energy crisis, we may leave a world of dark, cold and hopeless to our descendants. Any people with responsibility and morality would not like to those come true.

In addition, as beneficiaries of previous generations, each genetation should concern the well-being of future generations. It is known to all, the human civilization could not get such an achievement without the inheritance we get from our ancestors. And due to the forerunners’ persistent struggle against disasters, we have the opportunity to enjoy the modern lives today. Because the penecillin and other antibiotic invented by our previous scientists, we could lead a healthier life than before. And the great attainments of contemporary astronomy without Copernicus, Galileo, Bruno such forerunners’ work handed from our previous generations. As the examples stand, we have a responsibility to concern the happiness of our future generations.

As the continually emergence of vital social problems,we are forced to pay more attention to these by-products of human societies activities. But our response to those problems are too excessively, it will bring counterproductive results to our lives and our future generations as discussed above . We must keep the distribution of capital to immediate, existing social problems and long-term research in balance.
文章论证不错，只是太多单词上的错误，可以先用word看一下。第一段应该可以再明确一点。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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kkyt
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板凳

发表于 2004-12-30 13:52:20 |只看该作者

C=comment; R=revise D=delete
Allocating money for immediate,existing social problems is necessary, because those problems may lead to the extinct of huaman being.However,as beneficiaries of previous generations,we have obligations to make contributions for the well-being of future generations.[总觉得好象缺点什么？是不是应该加点对题目的批判呢？]

As we know, there are many immediate, existing [重复了R:exigent or emergent or significant]social problems which are threating the human survival. In africa,[R:Africa]tens of thousands of people dies[R:die] of famine every year, and a greata[what’s meaning] number of african lost their husbands, mother,[mothers] and children to AIDS[are bereft of their husbands ,mothers ,and children owing to the epidemic of AIDS]within a few decades;in asia, some countries are experiencng[experiencing]population explosion which inflict a [D]dreadful damage to the surrounding environment, and war and conflict in some regions destroied so many unfortuate people’s families. Those fatal social problems exist not only in the third world nations, but also torture the developed nations which is[R：主谓不一致] suffering from increasing terrorist attacks. If we cannot solve these problems which confront us now, we will extinct over a few decades, and never mention anyting about future. Therefore, it is important and necessary to pay attention to the existing, immediate social problems.

However, if we only take care of the interests before our eyes, the human will also disappear from the world without any trace in several centuries. If we reclaim farm field from forests and plains exceedingly to produce more food, we will bestow only desert as presents on our descendants finally. Provided the industrialization,which is the main topic of some developing nations, spread unlimitedly, the ecosysem [ecosystem] of the earth will deteriorate very rapidly. If extracting [exploiting]the gases and oil excessively as solution to the energy crisis, we may leave a world of dark, cold and hopeless to our descendants. Any people with responsibility and morality would not like to those come true[C:good].

In addition, as beneficiaries of previous generations, each genetation should concern the well-being of future generations. It is known to all, the human civilization could not get such an achievement without the inheritance we get from our ancestors. And due to the forerunners’ persistent struggle against disasters, we have the opportunity to enjoy the modern lives today. Because the penicillin and other antibiotic invented[are invented] by our previous scientists, we could lead a healthier life than before. And the great attainments of contemporary astronomy without Copernicus, Galileo, Bruno such forerunners’ work handed from our previous generations. As the examples stand, we have a responsibility to concern the happiness of our future generations.

As the continually emergence of vital social problems,we are forced to pay more attention to these by-products of human societies activities. But our response to those problems are too excessively, it will bring counterproductive results to our lives and our future generations as discussed above . We must keep the distribution of capital to immediate, existing social problems and long-term research in balance.
改的不一定对，请见量！不过觉的你写的比我好。这是你第一篇么？建议你看一下胡锦涛同志在今年亚太经合组织上的演讲，有机会我会传上来的，就是sustainable development 以人为本，全面协调可持续的发展。

成功紧跟着努力
幸福紧跟着痛苦
知足常乐，能忍自安，随缘悟性，吃亏何妨。
以律人之心律己，以恕己之心恕人。

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wuwei2668
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地板

发表于 2004-12-30 20:58:54 |只看该作者

谢谢大家的修改，不如我们结成小组吧

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kkyt
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5楼

发表于 2004-12-30 23:12:35 |只看该作者

一起讨论吧,毕竟我们有着相同的目标

成功紧跟着努力
幸福紧跟着痛苦
知足常乐，能忍自安，随缘悟性，吃亏何妨。
以律人之心律己，以恕己之心恕人。

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wuwei2668
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6楼

发表于 2004-12-31 10:16:02 |只看该作者

我最近有五门连考，明天我会把这篇作文重修改的，还请指教
KKYT 怎么不见你的作文呢大家讨论以下吧

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flyapple
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7楼

发表于 2005-1-1 00:17:37 |只看该作者

Allocating money for immediate,existing social problems is necessary, because those problems may lead to the extinct (extinction)of huaman being (humsn beings). However,as beneficiaries of previous generations,we have obligations to make contributions for the well-being of future generations.
我觉得在开头段是不是应该把观点说的清楚一点，点一下我们所寻找的就是在二者的财力支持中寻找一个平衡，二者由于其重要性都是我们所不能忽视的，二者的重要性都是不可比的，都关系到人类的存亡。

As we know, there are many immediate, existing social problems which are threating the human survival. In africa,tens of thousands of people dies of famine every year, and a greata number of african lost their husbands, mother, and children to AIDS within a few decades;in asia, some countries are experienceng population explosion which inflict （inflict) a dreadful damage to the surrounding environment, and war and conflict in some regions destroied so many unfortuate people’s families. (战争和地区间冲突不是我们靠财力可以解决的吧）Those fatal social problems exist not only in the third world nations, but also torture the developed nations which is (are) suffering from increasing terrorist attacks. If we cannot solve these problems which confront (用反了吧，是我们面临问题，不是问题面临我们）us now, we will extinct over a few decades, and never mention anyting about future.（这句有点不太地道） Therefore, it is important and necessary to pay attention to the existing, immediate social problems.
这段说了现阶段所面临问题的重要性，和解决的紧迫性。

However, if we only take care of the interests before our eyes, the human will also disappear from the world without any trace in several centuries. If we reclaim farm field from forests and plains exceedingly to produce more food, we will bestow only desert as presents on our descendants finally. Provided the industrialization,which is the main topic of some developing nations, spread unlimitedly, the ecosysem of the earth will deteriorate very rapidly. If extracting the gases and oil excessively as solution to the energy crisis, we may leave a world of dark, cold and hopeless to our descendants. Any people with responsibility and morality would not like to those come true.（这一段里，你用了3个if，换个别的词吧。另外，题目说将money分配给眼前的社会问题是否更重要，如果没有理解错的话这一段你的立场应该是把钱应该分配给有利于将来的研究上，但是这一段的这些例子好像对这一点的支持不是很有力呀，你觉得呢？仅仅指出了一些破坏可能给我们人类造成的恶果，所以我们不应该破坏。那么是不是仅仅不破坏生态平衡不滥用资源就可以了呢？当然不是，人的意识是一方面，当认识到这种破坏和滥用行为的不当，面临未来生存危机的时候，我们需要资金的支持，靠moeny allocation 来进行我们长远的利于生存的研究。你在进一步论证一下就点到要害了。

In addition, as beneficiaries of previous generations, each genetation should concern the well-being
of future generations. It is known to all, the human civilization could not get such an achievement without the inheritance we get from our ancestors. And due to the forerunners’ persistent struggle against disasters, we have the opportunity to enjoy the modern lives today. Because the penecillin and other antibiotic invented by our previous scientists, we could lead a healthier life than before. And the great attainments of contemporary astronomy without Copernicus, Galileo, Bruno such forerunners’ work handed from our previous generations.（这一句话是不是没写完呀，还是你贴过来的时候弄丢了一部分？） As the examples stand, we have a responsibility to concern the happiness of our future generations.

As the continually emergence of vital social problems,we are forced to pay more attention to these by-products of human societies activities. But our response to those problems are too excessively, it will bring counterproductive results to our lives and our future generations as discussed above . （这句话我看不懂）We must keep the distribution of capital to immediate, existing social problems and long-term research in balance.

我今天晚上加班了，比较困，意识很模糊，胡言乱语了一番，见笑了。
对了，版上很多人都是用彩色的符号改的文章，好醒目，这样黑黑的改来改去眼睛都看花了。那个彩色的东西是怎么用的呀，我对电脑不是恨懂，你会用吗？

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