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[a习作temp] Argument145 [color=#0000ff]打鼾与肥胖，第一只狗 [复制链接]

龙非
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-3-18 15:21:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person¡ªoften so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed¡ªand can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

------作文------
Before suggesting people who snore to eat less and exercise more, the evidences given in the argument should be examined from several angles. The Researchers who conducted the study seem to have assumed that people who snore have ate more and exercised less than the average person without examining any other factors which might affect the result of the study.

To begin with, for an experiment to be accurate, it must take enough long time and cover enough number of people to draw a conclusion. Yet in the study above, we know nothing about how much time spent on the study, and how many people involved in the study? If the study has taken only one month, or if only several people participate in the study, then the result of the study would be questionable, at best.

We also do not know the background of the people involved. Are all the people who snore belong to an ethnic group and all the people who do not snore belong to a different ethnic group. Perhaps the people who snore are from an ethnic group whose members are more likely to gain weight as compared with the ethnic group of those who do not snore. If this was the case, then the possibility of gaining weight might has nothing to do with snoring.

Furthermore, even if the people who snore are more possible to gain weight, we still cannot conclude that the people must have ate more than the average person and suggest them to eat less. No evidence in the argument supports this conclusion. Perhaps no matter how less they eat, the people who snore will still gain weight due to their special habitus. As is known that some people are naturally more likely to be overweight than the average people for the hereditary reason.

Another question to be asked is how does the assertion that the people who snore are too tire during the day to exercise. No evidence in the argument supports the assertion. Although people who snore will stop breathing frequently during sleeping, but it cannot be deduced that the interruption will make people feel tire. Perhaps these briefly interruption would not tire the people at all. Moreover, even if as is true that the interruption is tiring, that is not to say that the people who snore will exercise less than the average person too. It is completely possible that the people who snore exercise are laborers who exercise more than the average person. In the argument, we could see little reason to support the people who snore exercised less and we therefore cannot make the recommendation that people who snore should exercise more.

In conclusion, any study must be controlled strictly and draw a reasonable conclusion from the explicit evidence, the snoring study fails to do that.

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so猫
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-18 15:57:22 |只看该作者

28号考啊
我考完了回来给你改啊
就在这里说一声

也谢谢你以前帮助呵呵~

True love never runs smooth.

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鬼谷子
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-18 16:15:22 |只看该作者

ÌâÄ¿

ÕýÎÄ

这是什么文字啊？

鬼Ghost
谷Ravine
子Elite

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龙非
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地板

发表于 2005-3-18 18:24:07 |只看该作者

谢谢so猫猫先。。。
再预祝你aw棒棒，剩下两天好好调节一下自己的心态，放松放松就可以了，你没问题的。

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龙非
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5楼

发表于 2005-3-18 18:24:52 |只看该作者

ÌâÄ¿

ÕýÎÄ

这是什么文字啊？

嘿嘿，你猜

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edisonZ
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6楼

发表于 2005-3-18 21:20:46 |只看该作者

这样结尾会不会太仓促了？我也经常这样，因为没有时间了

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911tg
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7楼

发表于 2005-3-18 22:50:47 |只看该作者

帮我看看145吧，谢谢了！~~~~
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=256773

偶的blog

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boyjim
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8楼

发表于 2005-3-18 23:36:47 |只看该作者

Before suggesting people who snore to eat less and exercise more, the evidences given in [give in 是放弃的意思啊~] the argument should be examined from several angles. The Researchers who conducted the study seem to have assumed that people who snore have ate more and exercised less than the average person without examining any other factors which might affect the result of the study. [这个开头没见过~好~]

To begin with [讨厌这个词！！！] , for an experiment to be accurate, it must take enough long time and cover enough number of people to draw a conclusion. Yet in the study above, we know [hardly know好不好] nothing about how much time spent on the study, and how many people involved in the study? If the study has taken only one month, or if only several people participate in the study, then the result of the study would be questionable [这个是个虚拟语气阿~你自己看看这样用对不对] , at best. [这里是可能性的话，应该用陈述句吧，用“假如”应该说的是如果这样了，文章就可能会有说服力，况且在段末么有回应哦，起码该总结一下吧]

[过渡词！！！] We also do not know the background of the people involved. Are all the people who snore belong to an ethnic group and all the people who do not snore belong to a different ethnic group. Perhaps the people who snore are from an ethnic group whose members are more likely to gain weight as compared with the ethnic group of those who do not snore. If this was the case, then the possibility of gaining weight might has nothing to do with snoring. [possibility has not to do snoring？？你看看句子！！]

Furthermore, even if the people who snore are more possible [换个词好吧~虽然没有issue那么严格~likely都好啦~~前面老用] to gain weight, we still cannot conclude that the people must have ate [是eaten] more than the average person and suggest them to eat less. No evidence in the argument supports this conclusion. Perhaps no matter how less they eat, the people who snore will still gain weight due to their special habitus. As is known that some people are naturally more likely to be overweight than the average people for the hereditary reason. [你的表达有点奇怪哦。。。]

Another question to be asked is how does the assertion that the people who snore are too tire [d] during the day to exercise. No evidence in the argument supports [龙哥~这样的词要多积累几个阿buttress吧] the assertion [conclusion, statement,assertion, argument换来换去~~~] . Although people who snore will stop breathing frequently during sleeping, but it cannot be deduced that the interruption will make people feel tire. Perhaps these briefly interruption would not tire the people at all. Moreover, even if as is true that the interruption is tiring, that is not to say that the people who snore will exercise less than the average person too. It is completely possible that the people who snore exercise are laborers who exercise more than the average person. In the argument, we could see little reason [little形容reason，我服了U] to support the people who snore exercised less and we therefore cannot make the recommendation that people who snore should exercise more.

In conclusion, any study must be controlled strictly and draw a reasonable conclusion from the explicit evidence, the snoring study fails to do that. [结尾够简洁~]

[第一篇，难得啊~要慢慢练拉~龙哥~
虽然是啊狗，但是也要注意用词的变幻，虽然可供选择的不多
丹这样的啊狗会给狗咬的~虽然我也不怎么样~~~
快给我看我的一休51阿！！！龙哥哥]

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wx8348
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9楼

发表于 2005-3-19 00:16:34 |只看该作者

Before suggesting people who snore to eat less and exercise more, the evidences given in the argument should be examined from several angles. The Researchers who conducted the study seem to have assumed that people who snore have ate more and exercised less than the average person without examining any other factors which might affect the result of the study.

To begin with, for an experiment to be accurate, it must take enough long time and cover enough number of people to draw a conclusion. Yet in the study above, we know nothing about how much time spent on the study, and how many people involved in the study? If the study has taken only one month, or if only several people participate in the study, then the result of the study would be questionable, at best.[我觉得这是pitfall]

We also do not know the background of the people involved. Are all the people who snore belong to an ethnic group and all the people who do not snore belong to a different ethnic group. Perhaps the people who snore are from an ethnic group whose members are more likely to gain weight as compared with the ethnic group of those who do not snore. If this was the case, then the possibility of gaining weight might has nothing to do with snoring.[联系convention不错]

Furthermore, even if the people who snore are more possiblelikely顺口点] to gain weight, we still cannot conclude that the people must have ate more than the average person and suggest them to eat less. No evidence in the argument supports this conclusion. Perhaps no matter how less they eat, the people who snore will still gain weight due to their special habitus. As is known that some people are naturally more likely to be overweight than the average people for the hereditary reason.[能不能analyse with the connection with energy consumption啊]

Another question to be asked is how does the assertion that the people who snore are too tire[tired] during the day to exercise. No evidence in the argument supports the assertion. Although people who snore will stop breathing frequently during sleeping, but it cannot be deduced that the interruption will make people feel tire[tired]. Perhaps these briefly[brief] interruption would not tire the people at all. Moreover, even if as is true that the interruption is tiring, that is not to say that the people who snore will exercise less than the average person too. It is completely possible that the people who snore exercise are laborers who exercise more than the average person. In the argument, we could see little reason to support the people who snore exercised less and we therefore cannot make the recommendation that people who snore should exercise more.

In conclusion, any study must be controlled strictly and draw a reasonable conclusion from the explicit evidence, the snoring study fails to do that.

我也广外　4.8.
以后记得批我啊
thanks

Open me a door and open the world a discovery...

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