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[i习作temp] issue185 迟来的同主题写作丑闻发誓回拍…… [复制链接]

anthrax
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-3-21 00:57:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue185 字数虽多，可是句式太简单了
------摘要------
作者：anthrax 共用时间：44分58秒 517 words(first version) 572(revised version)
------题目------
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
------正文------
Never has a world suffocates with sandals as ours. From the headline of sexual affairs of celebrities to the disgraceful financial problem involving several political and business leaders, we confront those scandals in everyday lives. Though sometimes disturbing maybe, they have undeniable effectively helped call attention to certain issues as well as supervise social practices. To this extent, they can be considered useful.

Admittedly, scandals indeed exert negative influence on societal lives. Whenever some famous stars get trouble in a romantic affair, the entertainment newspaper will exhaust all kinds of effort to chase those trifles and turn it into so-called startling sexual scandals, which unfortunately grab eyes of readers in an affinity as that between magnet and steel. Should it be true or not, our world has somewhat been reduced to superficial pool of fervent fans, who concern with nothing but every tiny spark of news about those hero and heroines in the scandals. Is this obsession a tragedy that really sounds hollowly stupid, crazily ridicules?

However, those are just typical cases under limited situations. In other cases, scandals are more likely a benefit than a detriment. Since they present some society-threatening issue in an appealing manner, a more impressive way, the majority of masses are willing to turn their eyes on those uncovered wrongdoings and corruption, due to the curious human nature. In some given circumstances, they can prove more effective than those speakers or reformers, who merely urge their concerns with banal talks and routine measures.

Take the sphere of business for example. Though legal agencies and all companies are running their uppermost energy to fight with corruption, those severe financial crimes still survive or even thrive. Is there no one addressing any attention to this problem? A deluge of evidence may answer “no” and can aptly show that every year there are numerous lectures held, speeches addressed, new regulation measured passed, all of which are aimed to prevent corruption. But little proves useful. Yet, it is through the exploding news that reveals those financial criminals and ultimately throws them into justice trials. Recall that the collapse of Enron in 2001, which was emanated from several scandals exposing fake financial reports and attempt to obstruct legitimate regulation. By no means can alternative approaches make the event such a focus as these scandals do, and lead to the thorough investigation as well as following the trial in court.

Moreover, there are also times when neither speakers nor reformers can mention the existing evils, owing to the consideration of safety and fear for unjust power. Again, journalists, always portrayed as fearless heroes, are brave enough to pursue those misconduct and make them public. As a result, it call attention of the whole society, from which tremendous pressure eventually force those responsible to succumb. No one would forget what happen in 1996, when Clinton was blamed by his humiliating affair with the charming secretary. The former president finally committed his wrongdoing and apologized to the public, confronted the overwhelming stress coming from the media, and the people of U.S.

In the final analysis, we may conclude that scandals are just double-edged weapons, which can be both good and evils. When those fame-chaser take advantage of it to go after ostensible attention and glory, we can still turn it into account as a powerful tool, in the light of which the brave can reveal crime and misconduct, the just can punish evils and wrongdoings

结束了，结束了。
我和GRE,我和你。
想哭，也想笑。
未来怎么样，没有人知道。

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wanderweng
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-21 09:19:45 |只看该作者

占个座先

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boyjim
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-21 10:18:12 |只看该作者

老同学~我也给你改改阿~~哈哈~

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boyjim
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地板

发表于 2005-3-21 10:33:50 |只看该作者

Issue185 字数虽多，可是句式太简单了
------摘要------
作者：anthrax 共用时间：44分58秒 517 words(first version) 572(revised version)
------题目------
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. [最好把提纲也写上把]
------正文------
Never has a world suffocates[这个开头你专有哦哈] with sandals as ours. From the headline of sexual affairs of celebrities to the disgraceful financial problem involving several political and business leaders,[不把他们说出来也是一个很好的策略，而且你都喜欢开头举例] we confront those scandals in everyday lives. Though sometimes disturbing[换成名词] maybe, they have undeniable effectively helped [to]call attention to certain issues as well as supervise social practices. To this extent, they can be considered useful.[不错，开头把有用的定义说出来~]

Admittedly, scandals indeed exert negative influence on societal lives. Whenever some famous stars get trouble in a romantic affair[丑闻和绯闻是不同！！！你混淆了], the entertainment newspaper will exhaust all kinds of effort to chase those trifles and turn it into so-called startling sexual scandals, which unfortunately grab eyes of readers in an affinity as that between magnet and steel[比喻不错]. Should it be true or not, our world has somewhat been reduced to superficial pool of fervent fans, who concern with nothing but every tiny spark of news about those hero and heroines in the scandals. Is this obsession a tragedy that really sounds hollowly stupid, crazily ridicules?

However, those are just typical cases under limited situations. In other cases, scandals are more likely a benefit than a detriment. Since they present some society-threatening issue in an appealing manner, a more impressive way, the majority of masses are willing to turn their eyes on those uncovered wrongdoings and corruption, due to the curious human nature. In some given circumstances, they can prove more effective than those speakers or reformers, who merely urge their concerns with banal talks and routine measures.

Take the sphere of business for example. Though legal agencies and all companies are running their uppermost energy to fight with corruption, those severe financial crimes still survive or even thrive[这个怎么用到贬义了呢]. Is there no one addressing any attention to this problem? A deluge of evidence may answer “no” and can aptly show that every year there are numerous lectures held, speeches addressed, new regulation measured passed, all of which are aimed to prevent corruption. But little proves useful.[谁说的？你怎么知道没有用，用你的啊狗思维想想] Yet, it is through the exploding news that reveals those financial criminals and ultimately throws them into justice trials. Recall that the collapse of Enron in 2001, which was emanated from several scandals exposing fake financial reports and attempt to obstruct legitimate regulation. By no means can alternative approaches make the event such a focus as these scandals do, and lead to the thorough investigation as well as following the trial in court.

Moreover, there are also times when neither speakers nor reformers can mention the existing evils, owing to the consideration of safety and fear for unjust power.[难道揭发的记者不怕么？应该对比] Again, journalists, always portrayed as fearless heroes[放上去那一句吧], are brave enough to pursue those misconduct and make them public. As a result, it call attention of the whole society, from which tremendous pressure eventually force those responsible to succumb. No one would forget what happen in 1996, when Clinton was blamed by his humiliating affair with the charming secretary.[你的举例一直不错啊~怎么用这个充字数了这个例子！！] The former president finally committed his wrongdoing and apologized to the public, confronted the overwhelming stress coming from the media, and the people of U.S.

In the final analysis, we may conclude that scandals are just double-edged weapons, which can be both good and evils. When those fame-chaser take advantage of it to go after ostensible[你的词汇量全部用来写作了~~哎~~~学部来啊] attention and glory, we can still turn it into account as a powerful tool, in the light of which the brave can reveal crime and misconduct, the just can punish evils and wrongdoings

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wanderweng
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5楼

发表于 2005-3-21 10:59:09 |只看该作者

Never has a world suffocates (suffocated 吧？) with sandals as ours. From the headline of sexual affairs of celebrities to the disgraceful financial problem involving several political and business leaders, we confront those scandals in everyday lives. Though sometimes disturbing maybe, they have undeniable effectively helped call attention to certain issues as well as supervise social practices. To this extent, they can be considered useful. (开头不错简单明了)

Admittedly, scandals indeed exert negative influence on societal lives. Whenever some famous stars get trouble in a romantic affair （单复数不太一致吧？）, the entertainment newspaper will exhaust all kinds of effort to chase those trifles and turn it（应该为them）into so-called startling sexual scandals, which unfortunately grab（这个词用得妙发现你的词汇好得可以嘛 envying） eyes of readers in an affinity as that between magnet and steel. Should it be true or not, our world has somewhat been reduced to superficial pool of fervent fans, who concern with nothing but every tiny spark of news about those hero and heroines in the scandals. Is this obsession a tragedy that really sounds hollowly stupid, crazily ridicules?（用形容词形式 ridiculous吧？）（我觉得这段后面有点过于强调fans对scandal的追捧而弱化了scandal本身的disadvantage ，个人愚见呵呵）

However, those are just typical cases under limited situations. In other cases, scandals are more likely a benefit than a detriment. Since they present some society-threatening issue in an appealing manner, a more impressive way, the majority of masses are willing to turn their eyes on those uncovered wrongdoings and corruption, due to the curious human nature. In some given circumstances, they can prove more effective than those speakers or reformers, who merely urge their concerns with banal talks and routine measures.

Take the sphere of business for example. Though legal agencies and all companies are running their uppermost energy to fight with corruption, those severe financial crimes still survive or even thrive. Is there no one addressing any attention to this problem? A deluge of evidence may answer “no” and can aptly show that every year there are numerous lectures held, speeches addressed, new regulation measured passed, all of which are aimed to prevent corruption. But little proves useful.（这一段稍显冗余） Yet, it is through the exploding news that reveals those financial criminals and ultimately throws them into justice trials. Recall that the collapse of Enron in 2001, which was emanated from several scandals exposing fake financial reports and attempt to obstruct legitimate regulation. By no means can alternative approaches make the event such a focus as these scandals do, and lead to the thorough investigation as well as following the trial in court.

Moreover, there are also times when neither speakers nor reformers can mention the existing evils, owing to the consideration of safety and fear for unjust power. Again, journalists, always portrayed as fearless heroes, are brave enough to pursue those misconduct and make them public. As a result, it call（calls） attention of the whole society, from which tremendous pressure eventually force those responsible to succumb. No one would forget what happen in 1996, when Clinton was blamed by his humiliating affair with the charming secretary. The former president finally committed his wrongdoing and apologized to the public, confronted the overwhelming stress coming from the media, and the people of U.S.

In the final analysis, we may conclude that scandals are just double-edged weapons, which can be both good and evils. When those fame-chaser take advantage of it to go after ostensible attention and glory, we can still turn it into account as a powerful tool, in the light of which the brave can reveal crime and misconduct, the just can punish evils and wrongdoings

（你的语言词汇及表达是肯定 no problem的比我好太多啦，只是有时候总体层次把握得还不太好，例子也还可以继续斟酌个人意见仅供参考呵呵）
继续加油还有一周就解放啦

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