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[i习作temp] Issue11 还有九天就考了，也不知道自己到底是什么水平，大家帮我看看吧 [复制链接]

shengzhongbell
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-3-22 22:31:37 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue11
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户共用时间：45分0秒 521 words
从2005年2月22日9时0分到2005年2月22日9时45分
------题目------
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.
------正文------
Globalization is an extremely fashionable hotspot that no country can shun from such mixture of universal culture and ideology. Then the speaker recommends that all nations should provide support to the construction of a global university which impart student to solve the world's social problems. On an individual level, I do not agree with the speaker's suggestion about the global university, considering the essential function and possibilities of developing a university.

To begin with, admittedly, the social problem is severe in some countries. People suffer great pain and mental distress according to the persistent social problems. In some developing country, the social and legal rule exist many disadvantage and fallacies. For example, people haven't any freedom to accuse or even discuss the national problems such as scandal, bribe and so forth. More serious as some extreme group and local government, they may conflict with the central government and leaders. Therefore some part of the country may engender a local war. Thus, people who live there will lead a tough life. So considering such aspects of social problems, it is rational to build such a global university.

However, when it comes to academic fields such as a university, the core task of college or university is research and education rather than solving social problems. Students live in university for several years, their primary purpose is to learn knowledge as much as they can. Then some of them or even most of them would undertake a job relative with science and technology. The rapid development of science and technology impels every university to refresh itself to innovate. Research is the most important standard to evaluate a university’s level. As we know, the better the university is, the more academician and laboratories it owns. If a university pay all attention to educate students that how to solve social problems, it may miss the essence and core objective and goal of a university. So the speaker's viewpoint about developing a university which mainly educates students to solve social problems is absurd.

Furthermore, asking all nations to construct such university in the world is difficult and almost impossible. First of all, how to choose the place of the university is a problem. Most countries intend to build such a university in their own country. Thus they can benefit more form the university which built by the whole world. How to arrange and manage the university is also hard. In the second place, the social problem renders different in distinct places. Some place may yearn for the financial support to their society. Some country may want solve the issue about booming population. Other may be lack the medical apparatus and employee. Owing to such possible reasons, the course and subjects designed in the university is quite uncertain. Students may confuse with those complicate social problems without special training and primary higher education. Thus it is not that easy as the speaker's thinking to build such a university in the world.

In sum, I do not agree with the viewpoint to build a global university with all nations' help. It is entirely possible to cost a lot of money and energy without any effect and return at last. We should consider more function and essence of a university, and the possibility to construct such a university.

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Practice
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-22 23:06:26 |只看该作者

Globalization is an extremely fashionable hotspot that no country can shun from such mixture of universal culture and ideology. Then the speaker recommends that all nations should provide support to the construction of a global university which impart [U]student/s [/U] to solve the world's social problems. On an individual level, I do not agree with the speaker's suggestion about the global university, considering the essential function and possibilities of developing a university.

To begin with, admittedly, the social problem is severe in some countries. People suffer great pain and mental distress according to the persistent social problems. In some developing country, the social and legal rule exist many disadvantage and fallacies. For example, people haven't any freedom to accuse or even discuss the national problems such as scandal, bribe and so forth. More serious as some extreme group and local government, they may conflict with the central government and leaders. Therefore some part of the country may engender a local war/skirmishes. Thus, people who live there will lead a tough life. So considering such aspects of social problems, it is rational to build such a global university. 我觉得这个可以具体的写出一些国家的名称,例如Philippine，Nepal，怎么没想到criminal rate J

However, when it comes to academic fields such as a university, the core task of college or university is research and education rather than solving social problems. Students live in university for several years, their primary purpose is to learn knowledge as much as they can. Then some of them or even most of them would undertake a job relative with science and technology. The rapid development of science and technology impels every university to refresh itself to innovate. Research is the most important standard to evaluate a university’s level. As we know, the better the university is, the more academician and laboratories it owns. If a university pay all attention to educate students that how to solve social problems, it may miss the essence and core objective and goal of a university. So the speaker's viewpoint about developing a university which mainly educates students to solve social problems is absurd.

Furthermore, asking all nations to construct such university in the world is difficult and almost impossible. First of all, how to choose the place of the university is a problem. Most countries intend to build such a university in their own country. Thus they can benefit more form the university which built by the whole world. How to arrange and manage the university is also hard. In the second place, the social problem renders different in distinct places. Some place may yearn for the financial support to their society. Some country/ies may want solve the issue about booming population. Other may be lack the medical apparatus and employee. Owing to such possible reasons, the course and subjects designed in the university is quite uncertain. Students may confuse with those complicate social problems without special training and primary higher education. Thus it is not that easy as the speaker's thinking to build such a university in the world. 我觉得还有各地的文化风俗、宗教背景的问题，因为解决社会问题是一个比较地区化的问题，这样显然会涉及到各地的特有习惯，而地区间的有些习惯显然是conflicted，例如新教派人士或许就不愿意和犹太教的人在一起。。。等等。。。

In sum, I do not agree with the viewpoint to build a global university with all nations' help. It is entirely possible to cost a lot of money and energy without any effect and return at last. We should consider more function and essence of a university, and the possibility to construct such a university.

其实写得不错

issue的范围太广了，我不是对所有的问题都比较清晰了解 :p
担心给你说错了，错了请见谅。

我帮你抛个砖，希望有人接着来抛。

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shengzhongbell
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-22 23:28:49 |只看该作者

谢谢Practice的建议，我现在困惑的是我的词语和句子好象都是些简单句，缺乏亮词和句式变换，到底应该怎么句式变换呢。而且打完没时间检查，WORD查每次都有十多个错

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Practice
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地板

发表于 2005-3-22 23:37:11 |只看该作者

我觉得这样就差不多了别担心会有好结果的

我去年改期了，要不然去年就考了…… ;p

但是我担心我的知识不够，而且时间比较紧，就改了

看了一些东西，但是发现还是不够，呵呵

句式和语言不是一天两天能Improve的，你写不错了 :)

不可能人人都能在文章里写什么拉丁词啊，或者是很难的词，或是一些informal的用法(虽然不是很提倡，但是用起来很形象)。句式也不可能都很华丽，难道都想独立宣言一样的才是好文章？

一点拙见，见谅做到能做到的，改变能改变的在时间允许的范围内最后听天命 :)

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anthrax
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5楼

发表于 2005-3-23 11:58:03 |只看该作者

那我就不细改语言了。觉得你的ts和开头结尾都不错。问题出在中间论证的部分，b1老实说，有一点点pt，B2B3都有所进步，但是总会觉得力度没用到点子上，b3到时考虑得很详细，但是b2最好将大学的任务和那些应该用来解决问题的机构i的任务对比开来，否则有点滑开了感觉。
这篇我给4--4.5分，个人愚见阿—……别介意别介意

结束了，结束了。
我和GRE,我和你。
想哭，也想笑。
未来怎么样，没有人知道。

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